I literally feel like I can’t be with my husband of almost 18 yrs anymore. I have feelings I should leave him day and night, 24/7 which are torturous. My psychiatrist said he should leave for a couple of weeks to see if I miss him or have a desire to be with him. My girls are very attached to him and I can’t see that working out for them. My older daughter already has anxiety issues and it would just get worse if he leaves. He takes care of so many things such as bills. Even when my husband goes away I have awful feelings against him. I just want to feel better towards him. Don’t know what to do anymore. These thoughts have been really bad for over 3 years straight. I can’t take it anymore.

I have a question, is there anything specific that has happened in your relationship that has made you feel like this? Or is it just something you have felt because of ocd ?

I know he occasionally watches porn which I resent but I knew that for years before. I started feeling like this more since my mother married an abusive man whom she is now seperated from and lives with us. Maybe I’m just taking her situation and applying it to mine. All that I know is that I feel like running away from my husband even though he is a good man. It just feels like my heart is over him and I feel horrible about it. I pray that I feel differently towards him but it just feels the thoughts are getting worse, so maybe it’s sign I should leave him. I’m not sure if this is all ocd or not. I also have suicidal ocd where I constantly feel like harming myself but I had that since I was 7 yrs old on and off in severity and I’m 42 now. The thoughts against my husband are making my suicidal ocd worse. My mind just feels like a prison and I just want out.

Wow I actually feel the exact same as you, different situations but I have resentment over the relationship feeling one sided and I know he is an amazing person, and I love him so much my heart feels over him too and I have these thoughts and this story in my head like it’s over and I need to move on and it feels right but I don’t want to I just want these ugly feelings out of me. For example idk if it’s ocd too, because I feel so much tension in my body and I feel horrible with him because of those feelings and it makes me want to leave so bad. Looks like we feel the same. I want out too but I get what you mean 100%. It feels nice to have someone finally understand I feel like no one does and I’m stuck in this terrible feeling. Of wanting to leave but not wanting to just want to leave this awful feeling

Also, my mom still lives with my dad who is abusive and emotionally abusive to me too and the arguments were bad and my boyfriend has acted similar in arguments even tho it’s not the same at all, it still feels traumatic the arguments with my boyfriend so it’s tough because I relate it so much and it feels the same even tho they are two different people and it gives me doubts.

I hear u. Is what we are feeling just ocd? I really hope so

I used to fight with my husband more before I obsessed about him but now we don’t fight anymore but I heard before that some fights are healthy in a relationship. He loves me so much too and I feel so guilty I don’t feel that way to him.

Are u working with an ocd specialist?

An ocd specialist once told me you can’t think about love bc once u think about it u are not able to feel it

I hope it’s ocd, but if it is I feel sooo bad. But it doesn’t feel like ocd so it could be many things and ocd but I am heartbroken over the past and how things were and so I just feel like I need to leave to be happy and fully heal but I don’t want to end things forever but then idk. I just need these icky feelings gone, I do realize that I’ve had a similar thing with ocd before tho because I will feel like I like one of his friends and I will actually feel like I do but I don’t want to and I don’t think I do and I always think “no you do like him your in denial” except this is just a way bigger situation.

Also over 3 years ago my husband said he is not sure if there is a god or not and we are orthodox Jewish and that is totally against our religion so it made me feel worse against him as well. He doesn’t keep some of the things in our practice that we are obligated to do very well.

Oh I see I see, I can see how there would be resentment there. That’s the hard part when there is actual resentment but the other stuff not sure if it’s ocd or if some of it is.

My best advice is to treat this like OCD and see/continue to see a therapist doing ERP. Don't make any major decisions until you can see things clearly without the tint of anxiety. You don't want to make a decision like that when you don't have all the facts and when you haven't been experiencing the relationship properly for so long due to these thoughts. (Appreciate that was probably triggering, it triggered me too!) ROCD is hard. Just when you think it can't get harder it does.

I don’t even have anxiety when I think about it anymore. Just feel depressed that I’m always thinking about it and feel like this.

Could well be the fabled backdoor spike!