mirbrach
- Date posted
- 3y
Jazmine_LeighJazmine_Leigh
- Date posted
- 3y
I have a question, is there anything specific that has happened in your relationship that has made you feel like this? Or is it just something you have felt because of ocd ?
mirbrachmirbrach
- Date posted
- 3y
I know he occasionally watches porn which I resent but I knew that for years before. I started feeling like this more since my mother married an abusive man whom she is now seperated from and lives with us. Maybe I’m just taking her situation and applying it to mine. All that I know is that I feel like running away from my husband even though he is a good man. It just feels like my heart is over him and I feel horrible about it. I pray that I feel differently towards him but it just feels the thoughts are getting worse, so maybe it’s sign I should leave him. I’m not sure if this is all ocd or not. I also have suicidal ocd where I constantly feel like harming myself but I had that since I was 7 yrs old on and off in severity and I’m 42 now. The thoughts against my husband are making my suicidal ocd worse. My mind just feels like a prison and I just want out.
Jazmine_LeighJazmine_Leigh
- Date posted
- 3y
Wow I actually feel the exact same as you, different situations but I have resentment over the relationship feeling one sided and I know he is an amazing person, and I love him so much my heart feels over him too and I have these thoughts and this story in my head like it’s over and I need to move on and it feels right but I don’t want to I just want these ugly feelings out of me. For example idk if it’s ocd too, because I feel so much tension in my body and I feel horrible with him because of those feelings and it makes me want to leave so bad. Looks like we feel the same. I want out too but I get what you mean 100%. It feels nice to have someone finally understand I feel like no one does and I’m stuck in this terrible feeling. Of wanting to leave but not wanting to just want to leave this awful feeling
Jazmine_LeighJazmine_Leigh
- Date posted
- 3y
Also, my mom still lives with my dad who is abusive and emotionally abusive to me too and the arguments were bad and my boyfriend has acted similar in arguments even tho it’s not the same at all, it still feels traumatic the arguments with my boyfriend so it’s tough because I relate it so much and it feels the same even tho they are two different people and it gives me doubts.
mirbrachmirbrach
- Date posted
- 3y
I hear u. Is what we are feeling just ocd? I really hope so
mirbrachmirbrach
- Date posted
- 3y
I used to fight with my husband more before I obsessed about him but now we don’t fight anymore but I heard before that some fights are healthy in a relationship. He loves me so much too and I feel so guilty I don’t feel that way to him.
mirbrachmirbrach
- Date posted
- 3y
Are u working with an ocd specialist?
mirbrachmirbrach
- Date posted
- 3y
An ocd specialist once told me you can’t think about love bc once u think about it u are not able to feel it
Jazmine_LeighJazmine_Leigh
- Date posted
- 3y
I hope it’s ocd, but if it is I feel sooo bad. But it doesn’t feel like ocd so it could be many things and ocd but I am heartbroken over the past and how things were and so I just feel like I need to leave to be happy and fully heal but I don’t want to end things forever but then idk. I just need these icky feelings gone, I do realize that I’ve had a similar thing with ocd before tho because I will feel like I like one of his friends and I will actually feel like I do but I don’t want to and I don’t think I do and I always think “no you do like him your in denial” except this is just a way bigger situation.
mirbrachmirbrach
- Date posted
- 3y
Also over 3 years ago my husband said he is not sure if there is a god or not and we are orthodox Jewish and that is totally against our religion so it made me feel worse against him as well. He doesn’t keep some of the things in our practice that we are obligated to do very well.
Jazmine_LeighJazmine_Leigh
- Date posted
- 3y
Oh I see I see, I can see how there would be resentment there. That’s the hard part when there is actual resentment but the other stuff not sure if it’s ocd or if some of it is.
Lotte93Lotte93
- Date posted
- 3y
My best advice is to treat this like OCD and see/continue to see a therapist doing ERP. Don't make any major decisions until you can see things clearly without the tint of anxiety. You don't want to make a decision like that when you don't have all the facts and when you haven't been experiencing the relationship properly for so long due to these thoughts. (Appreciate that was probably triggering, it triggered me too!) ROCD is hard. Just when you think it can't get harder it does.
mirbrachmirbrach
- Date posted
- 3y
I don’t even have anxiety when I think about it anymore. Just feel depressed that I’m always thinking about it and feel like this.
Lotte93Lotte93
- Date posted
- 3y
Could well be the fabled backdoor spike!
Jesse MillerJesse Miller
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
I am having a hard time being able to tell if this is OCD or if this is just marriage conflict. I don't want to give you any reassurance as this may be a compulsion. First question - are you seeking out therapy for OCD? Have you been diagnosed? Second question - do you have a therapist on the outside of your OCD treatment? Sometimes, we do still need therapy outside of our OCD because we still face life struggles every day. I would suggest that if this is a form of relationship OCD - maybe look into some compulsion themes. See if you feel like that might be why you're feeling this way. Otherwise, I would suggest analyzing your marital issues on the outside with a therapist or couple's therapy. I hope this gives some help!
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user36373738
- Date posted
- 24w
OCD has ruined everything
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Mariabae
- Date posted
- 23w
im scared
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Mariabae
- Date posted
- 22w
please read- rocd… or is it? im in agony
Hi. I wanted to stop posting here, but I can’t hold it in anymore. I’m feeling so lost. I’m in a relationship that, from the outside, looks wonderful. We’ve been together for 2 years. He loves me deeply. He’s kind and caring. And still… I can’t feel anything. I can’t imagine a future with him — living together, starting a family, growing old. When I try, it feels like something in me shuts down, like it’s wrong. I don’t feel happiness in the relationship. I don’t feel love, warmth, or comfort. I feel anxiety, numbness, guilt, and fear. We fight over the smallest things. My thoughts scream that I don’t love him, that I’m forcing this, that I’m just used to him. The scariest part is: sometimes I feel okay, even calm. And that’s when it hits me — “What if this calm means I’ve accepted the truth? What if I don’t love him?” It feels like I’m in shock. Like I’m finally seeing clearly… but I’m terrified that it’s a clarity I never wanted. I don’t know what’s real anymore. I just know that I’m exhausted. And I want peace. If anyone else has felt this — the numbness, the fear, the doubt that feels like the truth — please tell me how you’ve gotten through it. I don’t want to lose him. But I also don’t want to keep living like this. i know that people reading this will tell me to leave. but i dont have any reasons. All the problems started because of my never ending thoughts. i feel like i ruin everything. i feel like i have changed. im so lost and scared. i dont understand what is happening. It feels so real. im in agony, im crying so much. I wasnt always like this. i am trying to remember times i felt better and i cant. i cant feel anything. its so hard. i can’t explain how i feel and in scared what are you going to respond if someone will. i usually see “if you feel so bad then leave” but its not like that. he loves me so much and if the thoughts werent there it would gave been so different. everything was perfect. but i keep thinking that when the thoughts started, one and a half years ago, i realised that “i just dont like him” and gbat i couldn’t accept the truth and i am denying it. i feel fake. do i even have rocd? or is this cope?? why do i feel like this. why does it feel so real? please somebody help me
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