I literally feel like I can’t be with my husband of almost 18 yrs anymore. I have feelings I should leave him day and night, 24/7 which are torturous. My psychiatrist said he should leave for a couple of weeks to see if I miss him or have a desire to be with him. My girls are very attached to him and I can’t see that working out for them. My older daughter already has anxiety issues and it would just get worse if he leaves. He takes care of so many things such as bills. Even when my husband goes away I have awful feelings against him. I just want to feel better towards him. Don’t know what to do anymore. These thoughts have been really bad for over 3 years straight. I can’t take it anymore.

I don’t understand why I don’t feel happy, why my mind keeps making me think so negatively about him. Nothing makes me feel joy anymore. I keep thinking that he’s stupid, that I don’t like him, and when he speaks kindly to me, I feel nothing. The worst part is that I feel completely numb, like I have no emotions at all. And that makes me think that maybe I really don’t like him, that I will eventually reach a point where I realize my worst fear is true. I keep fighting with him because of my attitude. I treat him badly, and I know it’s because of my thoughts. I can’t see the good in anything. Today, he told me that I would be better off without him because I always seem so sad. He moved to my city for university just to be with me, and instead of making his life better, I feel like I’m making it worse. The thoughts don’t stop, even when I’m with him. I see people posting about how they feel calm when they’re with their partners, but I don’t. I can’t look at him without having intrusive thoughts, and I can’t even kiss him. Today, he told me that he doesn’t feel loved by me anymore, that I treat him poorly. I am constantly afraid because I feel nothing when he says things to me, because I don’t feel like I care. When I look at pictures of us from when I was in a better place, I feel like I was a completely different person. I start thinking that I’ve “matured” and that’s why I don’t feel anything anymore—like maybe I only liked him because I was young and naïve. Everything he does and says irritates me, but he loves me. What if I’m only with him because I don’t want to hurt him? What if I’m just used to him? I feel scared all the time. I don’t understand what’s happening. He keeps trying to apply logic, but it doesn’t work on me. So many times, he has tried to make me feel better, to tell me that I still care about him and that I don’t need to feel love all the time. But my heart breaks when I see how attached he is to me while I feel like I don’t feel the same way. I feel like I’m hurting him, and I don’t know how to get out of this dark place . He keeps trying to apply logic, but it doesn’t work on me. So many times, he has tried to make me feel better, to tell me that I still care about him and that I don’t need to feel love all the time. But my heart breaks when I see how attached he is to me while I feel like I don’t feel the same way. I feel like I’m hurting him, and I don’t know how to get out of this dark place

I feel like I want to break up with my partner and go off and experience things like falling in love and butterflies and magic again. My partner is my home and my family and my rock and we’re compatible but sometimes it feels like I have these unfulfilled needs. And then ocd comes in and SCREAMS about these things and pulls me away from my partner. We’ve been together ten years. It says leave leave leave leave leave. And I feel like deep down I don’t want to stay. But I know love is a choice. How can I choose to stay when my body is screaming rub. I know I have ocd, and this is what ocd feels like, and I also have a lot of trauma regards to attachment. Am I being a coward??? Will this ever end?

For the past like 4 months, my ROCD has been getting worse and worse. I’ve been on lexapro for about 1.5 months now and it’s basically gotten rid of my anxiety and intrusive thoughts. But now I’m stuck with the constant feeling of not loving my bf. At this point I can’t even recognize him as someone I love. Like I will stare at him and try to feel something or recognize him but I feel nothing. It feels like I don’t love him anymore, but I don’t want to give up. I don’t know what to do at this point. I don’t know if it’s still the ocd and the medication is making it worse or if I’m truly just falling out of love with him. While not being on the verge of a panic attack and ruminating 24/7 is great, i feel like I’ve lost my identity and my emotions.