- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
I try to remember that just because we're not having a good time right now, that that doesn't mean he won't make me feel good tomorrow or the next day!
- Date posted
- 3y
Remember that ROCD can create a self fulfilling prophecy. What this means is that, the more you seek reassurance, accuse your partner for cheating, use them for your own happiness, the more they will feel this and be put off and thus, distance themselves. When the ROCD compulsions become extreme and a person acts on these all the time, it can become exhausting for the other partner and the other partner may choose to leave due to the fact they are sick of it and can’t deal with it anymore. I’ve seen this happen in many cases. In your situation, we don’t know why he is distant. He could be going through stress, he could be busy with an event or work. It could be anything. When we have low self esteem/anxious attachment or ROCD. We will take any subtle change in behaviour from our partner as an indication of abandonment. We take it personally. We think the reason for their distance is because of us. THIS IS NOT THE CASE. Unless you are constantly accusing them or seeking reassurance, then I highly doubt their distance is because of you. This is why it is so important to build up our self worth, believe that we are worthy of our partners love and to reassure ourselves instead of seeking it outside of ourselves. You are doing such a great job so far from refraining from acting on compulsions as I saw in your previous posts. Trust me when I say this, I GET IT, I KNOW just how agonizing it it to see your partner distancing himself. You have to face this feeling it brings and sit with it, do not react, I repeat, do not react. Sit with it. YOU CAN COPE. nothing is ever uncomfortable enough for you to cope with. It is simply a feeling that can be managed by you if you let it pass by.
- Date posted
- 3y
Well done!!! I’m sooo so sooo proud of you for not asking for reassurance! This is extremely difficult to do but you did it! Auguri!!
- Date posted
- 3y
What has happened here is this. Situation: your partner seems to be more distant than usual Thoughts: oh no, he is going to leave me Are these thoughts fact or opinion/perspective? What other perspectives are there? *he could be busy with work *he might be feeling ill *maybe there is a family conflict *maybe his friend is going through something and he is helping him *maybe he too is going through some mental health issues Etc etc
- Date posted
- 3y
No my rocd was right; today he said that he don't see anymore a future with me
- Date posted
- 3y
I'm so sorry this happened
- Date posted
- 3y
but he also said that he want to keep date and everything but without being my boyfriend
- Date posted
- 3y
Leave there's no point in someone using you for all your benefits but not willing to give the commitment to you
- Date posted
- 3y
I'm confused as fuck now
- Date posted
- 3y
Leave. You deserve someone certain about you
- Date posted
- 3y
It’s not confusing. He’s telling you straight up he wants to see other women
Related posts
- Date posted
- 21w
When my boyfriend and I are apart, it honestly feels like I've lost all feelings for him. I start questioning everything, wondering if I even love him at all. Then, when we're finally together again, the memory of those earlier doubts creeps in and completely ruins the moment. I get so caught up in overthinking and analyzing my feelings that I can't even enjoy being with him. It's like I'm constantly second-guessing myself. The worst part is, sometimes later, when we're still together, I do feel the love. But then the anxiety kicks in again! I start worrying that I'm just faking it because I had those doubts earlier in the day. It's this endless cycle of questioning, doubting, and overthinking, and it's exhausting. I'm really struggling to stay present when we're together, and it feels like this constant cycle is preventing me from truly connecting with him. We have been together for three years and we love together, and I just started feeling this way about a month ago; it’s been almost every day since. One day, I randomly thought about breaking up with him. Our relationship is healthy, especially compared to my previous toxic one, where I was anxiously attached for two and a half years. My boyfriend is very supportive of me. I have talked to him about my doubts and everything I’m experiencing, and he continues to support, care for, and help me through it all. I am very grateful for that. One aspect of my current relationship that I would like to improve is our communication, but we are both willing to work on it together. I often find that my overthinking leads me to question whether I really want to try to fix things or if I’d rather just continue as we are. This creates a constant push and pull in our relationship. Has anyone else experienced something similar? Any advice on how to break this cycle and just be present in the moment? I'd love to hear from anyone who's been through something like this.
- Date posted
- 16w
Does anyone else struggle with object permanence in relationships? Like whenever my partner is out of the house I immediately think negatively or I find things wrong with the relationship or him… For background my partner and I always fight over chores (I know it’s common but it’s annoying) I definitely pull more weight than him and I think he has ADHD, which makes him struggle to help and be aware of helping. Lately we’ve been somewhat good with splitting meals and dishes whatever, I know it can change with work stress, fatigue whatever. But last week my partner was out of the house watching his uncle’s dog so he was barely home. He was sleeping over at his uncles house and would come home for meals sometimes and stuff like that. I started becoming super fixated on him not helping with the dishes before he left and would constantly feel urges to yell about it. Even though the week prior everything was good when it came to that (sometimes with my ROCD I’ll even question myself and be like was it?) so I have started 4 separate fights arguing about dishes and chores and mentioning that he doesn’t help enough and if this continues I’ll have to leave… it’s so hard for me to snap out of it and just realize that he was going back and forth and didn’t think to help because he was busy with helping his uncle. And then I get such a negative view of him in my head that I nitpick his appearance, I make comments, etc, because my underlying fear is he doesn’t care to help, he will never change, and we will fail. So it’s almost like I’m looking to have a reason to run before I actually need to? It’s a constant cycle for me and I’m truly so exhausted by myself. But also relationships are so hard for me because I struggled SO much with trying to depend on others that I almost don’t let myself depend on others…. Any advice is appreciated but also just like do you also experience this? Thank you & pls be kind 🥺🥺🥺
- Date posted
- 12w
I’ve been really struggling the last week and I need some help. I’ve been seeing a guy for about 2 months who checks a lot of my relationship boxes. He’s so kind and we have a lot of fun together. The first few weeks I was totally smitten but had moments of fear about being committed. We talked about it and decided to take things slowly, and then I would have days of feeling like every thing was perfect with some fearful feelings in between. Two weeks ago now my SO-OCD and ROCD started to come back a little as well as my more anxious-avoidant behaviors. I started to get more scared of the future and it was more intense. At the end of last week, he asked me to be his girlfriend and I said yes. He is exactly the type of person I see myself marrying and has great values and is so secure about me. Until last week, he generally made me feel so safe and secure. Ever since saying yes, I feel so scared and anxious and my SO-OCD and ROCD is on max. I also find myself getting more annoyed and irritated about things that were minor annoyances or non-issues before. I’m having intense physical responses to both OCD themes, and the nagging thought and feeling that I need to end things with him because we aren’t right for each other. It makes me feel so sad and guilty. Sex is becoming harder because of the thoughts too, whereas at first it was perfect. I don’t know who I can talk to about this without them telling me to just break up with him. Everything is so new so I think they’d chalk it up to my intuition. But I do want to be in love and have less fear around relationships, so I don’t want to give into the fear. I think it could help me to set boundaries and have space for myself more often. I think I need some advice or insight. I know I shouldn’t ask for reassurance, but having some around how other people have felt at the beginning of a relationship would help. Why is it that the label is freaking me out so much? How do you guys set boundaries to prioritize yourself when you feel this way?
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