- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
I try to remember that just because we're not having a good time right now, that that doesn't mean he won't make me feel good tomorrow or the next day!
- Date posted
- 3y
Remember that ROCD can create a self fulfilling prophecy. What this means is that, the more you seek reassurance, accuse your partner for cheating, use them for your own happiness, the more they will feel this and be put off and thus, distance themselves. When the ROCD compulsions become extreme and a person acts on these all the time, it can become exhausting for the other partner and the other partner may choose to leave due to the fact they are sick of it and can’t deal with it anymore. I’ve seen this happen in many cases. In your situation, we don’t know why he is distant. He could be going through stress, he could be busy with an event or work. It could be anything. When we have low self esteem/anxious attachment or ROCD. We will take any subtle change in behaviour from our partner as an indication of abandonment. We take it personally. We think the reason for their distance is because of us. THIS IS NOT THE CASE. Unless you are constantly accusing them or seeking reassurance, then I highly doubt their distance is because of you. This is why it is so important to build up our self worth, believe that we are worthy of our partners love and to reassure ourselves instead of seeking it outside of ourselves. You are doing such a great job so far from refraining from acting on compulsions as I saw in your previous posts. Trust me when I say this, I GET IT, I KNOW just how agonizing it it to see your partner distancing himself. You have to face this feeling it brings and sit with it, do not react, I repeat, do not react. Sit with it. YOU CAN COPE. nothing is ever uncomfortable enough for you to cope with. It is simply a feeling that can be managed by you if you let it pass by.
- Date posted
- 3y
Well done!!! I’m sooo so sooo proud of you for not asking for reassurance! This is extremely difficult to do but you did it! Auguri!!
- Date posted
- 3y
What has happened here is this. Situation: your partner seems to be more distant than usual Thoughts: oh no, he is going to leave me Are these thoughts fact or opinion/perspective? What other perspectives are there? *he could be busy with work *he might be feeling ill *maybe there is a family conflict *maybe his friend is going through something and he is helping him *maybe he too is going through some mental health issues Etc etc
- Date posted
- 3y
No my rocd was right; today he said that he don't see anymore a future with me
- Date posted
- 3y
I'm so sorry this happened
- Date posted
- 3y
but he also said that he want to keep date and everything but without being my boyfriend
- Date posted
- 3y
Leave there's no point in someone using you for all your benefits but not willing to give the commitment to you
- Date posted
- 3y
I'm confused as fuck now
- Date posted
- 3y
Leave. You deserve someone certain about you
- Date posted
- 3y
It’s not confusing. He’s telling you straight up he wants to see other women
Related posts
- Date posted
- 13w
Hey everyone. I hope you all are doing okay. I’m currently struggling in the worse way I have through the course of my relationship. We are doing long distance right now, and I am unfortunately in the worse place I have been in. The uncertainty is absolutely unbearable. He is doing a cool new, consuming job 7 hours a way. He loves it, but I fear him loving the job so much that he stops caring about me. I have definitely noticed a shift in the amount of time he texts me and the energy he can give to the relationship. The job actually started off with 2 weeks of no phone. He has it again now though. We saw each other a couple of days ago in person for the last time we would in about two months. I was okayish when we were in person though I knew I would spiral later. And spiral I did. He left and I broke down. I am worried I will lose him. I start a really intensive EMT program in a week. It will be all-consuming for me. I can’t sleep very much and I don’t feel like eating. I know it’s pathetic. I am constantly consumed by these fears. I think I know what I need to do to combat them. Accept uncertainty but it feels like the possibly of it ending feels more real than ever. And I literally can NOT stop thinking about it. My brain feels in danger!!! I just worry that bad stuff is actually happening. I think we are going through a rough patch, but I also just feel more alone than ever. Drowning in my mind. What do I believe? I have a past of ocd, so it wouldn’t be surprised if it’s getting intertwined. Most people would say: it’s okay to ask him for reassurance about the relationship!!! But I feel like that’s the trap for me. I don’t know how to move forward. I know things are tough for us right now. But I’ve been floating back and forth on a spectrum of well maybe I just have trust to maybe this literally won’t work out!!! Texting and communicating over text is really hard for me. I am constantly analyzing it: how much energy is he giving? How much energy am I giving? Well I don’t want to do all the emotional labor, and be the main texter. But I also don’t care about texting that much and get exhausted with this back and forth.
- Date posted
- 13w
Hello, this is my second post, not too long ago i made my first, talking about a sudden come-back of my intrusive thoughts. This post will talk about another of my issues, mainly regarding ocd (obviously) and relationships. As i had said before, i had been feeling terrible and felt like i didnt deserve love, especially the love of the guy that i love. I would like to add that in prior moments we have promised eachother and he has reassured me he will never leave me, but today he was pretty much gone all day (long distance) and for the most part ive just been overthinking, all night, actually.. thinking that at any moment he will just randomly block me on everything and never talk to me again. Its now 4:03 AM, and i just feel so scared. Im scared of losing him, this is predominantly because in a past relationship things ended suddenly, my ex switched up after we had promises and everything and i am absolutely horrified of things ending the same way for me and him. I’ve been anxious, trying to take my mind off of it, but if i do, my mind tells me that if i look away, when i look back, i’ll miss it and he’ll have already blocked me. and tries to tie in earlier conversations i had throughout the day and somehow ties them back to now. (Like my bestfriend telling me she had some dream where i apologized to my friends for ‘leaving’) For the past few hours ive just been out of it. Im scared of being obsessive, Im scared of losing him, and whenever i check to see, my heart skips a beat because i thinks he’s gone. The thing is, I know this isnt the case, and I know there must be an explanation, but for some reason im still worried. and I know these thoughts arent a reflection of reality, but ive also had the idea that my thoughts can also affect what actually happens. I would also like to add that he lives in the US and is mexican, and with the increasing violent situation, my mind even starts to wander off and ask itself what if something happened to him? It makes it worse. because i can’t control it. and that makes me afraid. Im also worried about being a horrible partner, about everything failing and its all just making me feel worse. Yesterday morning I woke up feeling sort of out of it, and throughout the day i felt as if i were emotionless, which made me wonder what if i had lost emotions for him? this also happens to me sometimes. I, for some reason begin thinking like “you lost your love for him nothings gonna happen ever.” and my mind starts making up reasons why, or simply gives me this feeling of emptiness for that love, as if i have been detached from it. and then i overthink again “what if i actually dont love him but im just obsessed and thats all it is an obsession and none of it is real?” that last part, im feeling it right now. along with everything else. Im exhausted, Im tired, and i just want to be happy with him. Thank you to all those who choose to read this. thank you. ❤️ Edit: I would also like to add that ive been also dealing with the occasional regular intrusive thoughts. which dont form fully in my brain but i can still sort of, “feel” the intrusive thoughts uncomfortable themes.
- Date posted
- 12w
Hi all, I’m F(20) and I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend M(20) for 10 months now. Lately it feels like I’ve been getting triggered at the tiniest thing. My relationship OCD is centered around the idea that my bf will leave me, that suddenly his feelings will change and he’ll never look back. Inherently I know this is irrational and I know he loves me very much (as he tells me repeatedly when I compulsively ask for reassurance). I just can’t make my brain stop. I just feel so unsecured. He will mention that one of his friends drove an hour to see him for only 30 minutes. I will then spiral that I am not possibly doing enough and it’s because he’s secretly done with me and he’s longing for a reason to leave and go be with this friend instead. See? Truly irrational. But I cannot stop it. Any tips at all? Maybe I’m at least not alone in this. I often feel literally insane:(
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