I don't know how I'm supposed to just live with the uncertainty that I will or won't do something awful. It feels impossible to me right now! 😭

I feel you. I had postpartum ocd. It even started before i had my baby around 2nd trimester .. i had horrible intrusive thoughts like what if i stab my belly when using a knife. My daughter is 5 now . I still have intrusive thoughts harm ocd followed with tics . I feel like i ' m losing myself.