Is fear OCD a thing? I fear everything :( Fear health, my mental health, death. Im tired of being tired. Im just tired. Im scared to loose my job/need to quit cause i cant handle it anymore.

Often times I find myself spiraling out in the morning about all sorts of things. When I try and catch myself and figure out what I am obsessing over it’s like it goes away. I haven’t moved. I have been sitting frozen on the floor because I can’t go to work because I am behind on work and I hate being late and I hate being messy but I am frequently late and my room is cluttered and full of stuff. I want to be good and move and go to work but I don’t know what is coming today and I hate my job so I know I will get bored and when I have nothing to keep me busy and engaged I like start thinking and taking an inventory of what is going on and then I will feel a sensation and what is the sensation? How did it happen? And I know that I will pick up the bad emotions in the office and get contaminated, I was really worried about things like this as a kid too I cried because I had to touch dirt in kindergarten. I know I am this way and I have been this way for a while but at the same time I think I might just be normal and like I don’t know why I get stuck in thinking like this. Then I begin to doubt that OCD is real because everyone has a brain with wiring and everyone gets stuck in thought sometimes. I feel disabled from whatever this is because I am stuck. I literally cannot move because I don’t know what’s wrong and I know I have to go to work even though I feel like every moment I spend there is making everything worse because other people are so stressed and I get it from them. And I don’t feel ready because I just feel off and something is wrong and I just don’t know what to do because if it’s OCD or not OCD everything anyone knows about me is coming from me and I worry that I am often masking all the thinking I’m doing because thinking all the time is rude and inconsiderate and inconvenient for those around me, but I can’t stop. I just don’t feel right, right now - and I want to know WHY?? Why is everything off all the time? How do I even know that I am not making up the experience of OCD in my head to cover up something really wrong with me and now I am taking on the symptoms of OCD like an actress, because this could be something that I can latch onto as a final hope for explaining why I am stuck. So stuck so deeply and terribly stuck sitting on my floor next to my bed just scrolling to avoid thinking because any time I start thinking I am left with no answers or help or anything just this swirly feeling. I know I am trying, maybe not my best, but as much as I possibly can. I want to be a Special Education Teacher but I have so much so so so much doubt and uncertainty about every decision I make and everything I know that I can’t get there right now. I can’t do anything right now until it feels ok and then I will. It never feels ok. I know I have to be ok not feeling ok about it. I can be unsure and still be ok. I know it’s just my thinking and my body but I just can’t get past this feeling. And then I know that because I can calm myself and be ok even though I spent 2 hours of my life today already feeling stuck and spinning around and around and around in my head - I don’t feel sure about my OCD and I think it’s a bit of a scam made up by people to cultivate pathology around deep human thought because one day I might figure it out and we all think a lot.

i have been diagnosed with OCD & generalized anxiety disorder. for some reason, i’ve been very hyper aware of everything. like the way i talk, the way i see the world, how certain things sound/look/feel, and it’s very distressing. i feel like the hyper awareness makes me afraid of things? like for some reason, my mind attached to cartoons, and i was hyperfocusing on it, and got extremely scared, like scared of the cartoon for no reason? i’ve done this a lot, and i get scared i have psychosis or schizophrenia, or something that makes you afraid of things for no unknown reason. i feel so scared that this is my new normal…. im heartbroken. so many what if’s. did i just ruin my own life?? 💔

so i have ocd but this is the main theme ive been dealing with for the last few months, im obsessed with my mortality and i feel trapped by the reality of death. i dont really believe in an afterlife which makes it scarier, not that i dont wanna my brain literally just wont let me. but i have daily panic attacks thinking about death all day, its honestly the toughest thing ive ever dealt with. does anybody have any tips on how they manage this if they have ever dealt with it? not looking for reassurance, just some non compulsive ways to kind of lessen the grip of the fear.