I’m just crying now. I feel like I’m being forced out of my relationship by my sexuality. Why can’t I stay with her?!? It’s not fair!!! I love her!! I really do how can I be in love this deeply if my brain says im gay. It feels like it’s already made it’s mind up that it’s time for me to end it??? Everyday it’s like I loose the control. The thoughts get worse, it feels more real, I feel like it makes more sense. IDC IF IT MAKES SENSE… I DON’t WANT IT! Please take it away I want my girlfriend. I love her

my thoughts are screaming at me telling me that i dont want my relationship anymore and that i realized i lost feelings. i have a beautiful relationship of two years with a beautiful boy that loves me dearly and i deal with this thoughs for a year and a half. Im so scared it feels so real im scared i have changed and my last therapy session made it worse she basically told me i have to realise the thoughts are true and stop lying to myself. And made me think i am so scared and heartbroken bc i put high expectations on myslef to be with my boyfriend for all my life. Maybe i dont want to hurt him??? im always questioning my feelings for him 24/7 for over a year. I wm tierd

I’m struggling so much and I really need to let this out. Everything I think and feel about my boyfriend and my relationship feels so real. It doesn’t feel like “just thoughts.” It feels like clarity. Like something in me finally accepted the truth I’ve been trying to deny for a long time. I keep thinking things like: • “I don’t like him.” • “I don’t love him.” • “I never did, I just thought I did.” • “I’m only here because I wanted a relationship and he’s a good person.” These thoughts don’t feel intrusive — they feel like truths. And that terrifies me. We’ve been together for a long time and he truly loves me. He supports me. He’s kind. But I keep feeling distant. Like I don’t connect to him. Sometimes I even feel disgust or anxiety when I’m near him, and I hate admitting that because he doesn’t deserve this. I don’t feel warmth when I look at him or think about us. I can’t even imagine a future together — and that used to be all I dreamed about. What hurts even more is that I used to feel more grounded, I used to have hope. Now I feel like everything has collapsed and nothing makes sense. I’m constantly analyzing if I love him or not. I don’t know if it’s ROCD or if I’m just forcing a relationship I don’t want deep down. Sometimes, I tell myself: “I must love him, because I’m suffering so much.” But other times I think: “Maybe I’m just a good person who doesn’t want to hurt someone, and that’s why I stay.” I feel like I’m drowning in guilt, confusion, and fear. I can’t talk to my mom about this anymore because she’s overwhelmed. I don’t know who to talk to without making it worse. Even when I try to be calm, the thoughts are there, or this numbness is there. I don’t know how to sit with these thoughts anymore. They don’t feel like thoughts — they feel like my reality. Please, if anyone relates, I would appreciate hearing from you. This is the darkest I’ve felt. Thank you for reading.

I feel like the thoughts and feelings are getting stronger, to the point where they feel like they are my own and that I want them and want them to happen. Recently I’ve even had feelings of ‘wanting to be gay’ and that I ‘don’t want to be straight’, or that being with a woman would be nice even though that’s literally the one thing I don’t want otherwise I wouldn’t be constantly thinking about it day after day surely and if I wanted it I would just know? I feel numb and sick and terrified that I’ll just be what I’ve feared all this time. Why does my brain do this. I feel like I’ve lost so much already, I couldn’t concentrate on university work and I’ve had to delay my degree for a year, I’ve lost my purpose, and I feel so ashamed that I can’t tell anyone the real reason for it (I just told everyone the course was too much stress and was causing me anxiety) and it just feels like it’s getting worse to the point that it’s actually coming true, and I’m going to have to leave my boyfriend because I can’t be with him anymore. Why do the thoughts sometimes feel good? Why does it feel like real attraction? Why why why does it feel like DISAPPOINTMENT with the idea of never being with a woman wtf this is literally what I don’t want and never have? Even just writing that out my brain is telling me ‘it is’ and ‘I’m lying’ and I just can’t even believe myself anymore. I’ve tried telling myself the whole maybe maybe not but it just doesn’t work. It feels like if I accept I like woman I’ll want to be with one and leave him. Why does the idea of being with a man not fill me with excitement like it used to why do labels terrify me I genuinely just want to give up I still haven’t even told anyone about this cause I just feel like they won’t understand and that they will just think I’m struggling with my sexuality and the worst thing is I don’t even know what I want anymore cause of the thoughts and feelings I don’t know what to believe what if I am actually just struggling with my sexuality cause nothing feels right anymore