- Date posted
- 3y
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
Hey! You are doing an awesome job. I am working with the same themes. Ultimately by not doing the exposures you are avoiding and yes it can feel awful the fact you have to do them but I got to the point where I just thought, I feel crap regardless, let’s go for the exposures whole heartedly multiple times a day from now on and see what happens. No one wants to do exposures and of course it makes us all feel bad and low. It is awful. To help with the hopelessness I have been working on making sure I live my life to the fullest, meeting up with friends, always going in to work and doing some form of exercise. I know it is hard to get the motivation but it has certainly helped me. It does get easier just keep trying a little bit each day.
- Date posted
- 3y
Thanks Tom; I do my best to try to live my life regardless of the OCD but I just get scared that I'll ruin it somehow. It' good to know that others experience a similar thing but are still able to have a fulfilling life :)
- Date posted
- 3y
Hey tuxie, I'm so sorry you're struggling with this. And I'm glad you felt able to come here for help. I haven't experienced Suicidal OCD, but I have definitely had anxieties that doing my exposures could make me worse. For me it was health anxiety around my chronic illnesses--that if I exposed myself to certain things, my physical health would get worse, and if I didn't, my OCD would get worse. The best thing I can suggest is to trust in the process and do the exposure anyway, even if your OCD keeps coming up with reasons you should avoid it. If you're doing these exposures with a therapist, I would also check in with them about these fears. Apart from that, I think Tom made a really good suggestion, and that's to counterbalance the hopelessness you're sitting with during exposures with lighter, more fulfilling things in the rest of your life. You're doing really hard work right now and sitting with some really scary things, so if you can, make some extra space for self-care and activities that give you a sense of meaning. Exposures are hard, and they're necessary, but that doesn't mean the rest of your life can't be a little more soft. I hope this helps. Much compassion. <3
- Date posted
- 3y
Hey, thank you for your response - I'm very early on in the treatment process so I guess these are probably fears that a lot of us have had at some point!
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
I an proud that you are starting to do the exposures and I feel you. I have just started with a therapist and also have suicidal ocd, just reading about these kind of exposures triggers me and scares me. I hope I can get to a point of doing them and eventually feeling better. I know you can too! We can do this!
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
You could try put that worry of ruining it in to one of your exposures and work with it.
Related posts
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 25w
I used to get caught in a loop with existential thoughts very frequently. Every question made my stomach drop: (TW: existential questions) … … ... "Why does anything exist at all? What will death be like? Is anything even real? Is there any meaning to this? Is the universe infinitely big, and if not, what's beyond it? Are there multiverses? Has the universe been around forever? Will the universe end for good, or will it keep going forever? What is forever like? What even IS reality?" It would get so overwhelming that I remember lying on the floor in a fetal position for hours because I felt like there was no escape. I spent most of my days reading articles and watching videos about theoretical astrophysics and philosophy in a desperate attempt to "figure it all out." Of course that only made me more anxious, raised more questions, and kept me trapped in the cycle. Things started to improve once I learned to turn TOWARD reality, rather than away from it, and ERP really helped me do that. I learned that these questions weren't the problem. I learned that I can actually handle the anxiety that arises when exposed to these ideas and concepts. I don't have to figure anything out to make the anxiety go away; it arises and passes away on its own. Ironically, bringing myself into the present moment and becoming more aware of reality helped me escape the cycle of existential dread. Because of that, this topic no longer takes over my life. If I'm triggered by something I see, hear, or think, I may still feel a little twang of anxiety, but then it just goes away. "Maybe, maybe not" has been the single most useful phrase of my life. Do you ever get trapped in a cycle of existential questions? Are you worried that the ERP approach would be too scary to handle? If so, I'm happy to give my advice.
- Date posted
- 15w
I read about ERP and have seen information about it on here. One of the goals is to say, "maybe I am this or that...ect." That terrified me. The thoughts and images that go in my head are disturbing and upsetting. I don't want to even think about saying, "maybe this or that." It's devasting to have these thoughts and question why you're having these thoughts. Doesn't the "maybe" make it worse? The one thing that helps me is that is to remind myself that these are just thoughts and I know I'm not a monster, even if I feel like one. Is ERP not for everyone? Has anyone else had a problem with the techniques used in this kind of therapy? I had cognitive therapy for years with an OCD specialist and that seemed to help a lot. Writing out the worst case scenarios would make me suicidal. Im having a difficult time not obsessing over the "maybe" after intrusive thoughts now. It doesn't make it better.
- Date posted
- 13w
When I catch myself doing compulsions mentally during exposure sessions, it seems alot of the time like the realization that I was just doing a compulsion is more distressing than the actual trigger I'm trying to expose myself to. It feels defeating having to admit the prompt at the end that I performed a compulsion yet again. I still think I've made progress overall, and generally speaking I don't think I'm performing compulsions as much as I used to, and my distress has also gone down noticeably (not completely) but exposure sessions have been kinda tricky for me from the beginning since its all mental. Additionally, I am a bit concerned that I could start using exposures to rid myself of anxiety rather than expose myself to it properly.
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