- Username
- tuxie
- Date posted
- 2y ago
Hey! You are doing an awesome job. I am working with the same themes. Ultimately by not doing the exposures you are avoiding and yes it can feel awful the fact you have to do them but I got to the point where I just thought, I feel crap regardless, let’s go for the exposures whole heartedly multiple times a day from now on and see what happens. No one wants to do exposures and of course it makes us all feel bad and low. It is awful. To help with the hopelessness I have been working on making sure I live my life to the fullest, meeting up with friends, always going in to work and doing some form of exercise. I know it is hard to get the motivation but it has certainly helped me. It does get easier just keep trying a little bit each day.
Thanks Tom; I do my best to try to live my life regardless of the OCD but I just get scared that I'll ruin it somehow. It' good to know that others experience a similar thing but are still able to have a fulfilling life :)
Hey tuxie, I'm so sorry you're struggling with this. And I'm glad you felt able to come here for help. I haven't experienced Suicidal OCD, but I have definitely had anxieties that doing my exposures could make me worse. For me it was health anxiety around my chronic illnesses--that if I exposed myself to certain things, my physical health would get worse, and if I didn't, my OCD would get worse. The best thing I can suggest is to trust in the process and do the exposure anyway, even if your OCD keeps coming up with reasons you should avoid it. If you're doing these exposures with a therapist, I would also check in with them about these fears. Apart from that, I think Tom made a really good suggestion, and that's to counterbalance the hopelessness you're sitting with during exposures with lighter, more fulfilling things in the rest of your life. You're doing really hard work right now and sitting with some really scary things, so if you can, make some extra space for self-care and activities that give you a sense of meaning. Exposures are hard, and they're necessary, but that doesn't mean the rest of your life can't be a little more soft. I hope this helps. Much compassion. <3
Hey, thank you for your response - I'm very early on in the treatment process so I guess these are probably fears that a lot of us have had at some point!
I an proud that you are starting to do the exposures and I feel you. I have just started with a therapist and also have suicidal ocd, just reading about these kind of exposures triggers me and scares me. I hope I can get to a point of doing them and eventually feeling better. I know you can too! We can do this!
You could try put that worry of ruining it in to one of your exposures and work with it.
Hi everyone. I've struggled mostly with just order & symmetry OCD, but lately feel like I might be developing suicidal OCD. I find myself often worrying about becoming depressed and that it will cause me to commit suicide, even though when I think about it I really don't want to die. And I feel like worrying about getting depressed and committing suicide is making it more real, and making me depressed and have suicidal thoughts even more. Does anyone else struggle with this? How do you cope / do ERP for it?
Hey everyone. I have been struggling with this theme this week. I had a panic attack at the beginning of the week and I got hit with a bunch of suicide intrusive thoughts. That is the last thing on earth I want to do and it hurts me because my mind makes me believe I want to. I get in a really sad dark alone place and sometimes I think about it but also I feel like it is intrusive because I have told myself no matter how bad it gets, no matter how shitty it feels I will not do anything to take my own life. It brings me so much sadness and guilt when I think about those kinds of things. It’s been hard because I have been trying to mindfully redirect and stay in the present moment but the thoughts come back and it makes it so hard to move on or when I’m in a happy moment that feels good my intrusive thoughts just come flooding back. I have tried to accept that those thoughts are there and I need to do things towards my goals and values but it’s been so difficult to accept this feeling and notice those thoughts when they are so against everything I love and it’s so hard when it’s one of my biggest fears. I cry and cry because I’m just so scared of those thoughts and it makes me think I actually want to do it. Anyway has anyone else experienced this? I feel so guilty and sometimes get thoughts that this feeling will never go away even thought I know for a fact I can get past it. Any advice? Or does anyone relate?
How long do you do them? It just doesn’t feel like I’m doing them right. My level of distress doesn’t seem to change when I do them. It feels like I’m waiting for something to happen, but nothing does. Anyone want to share how you do exposures?
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