- Username
- MichaelK
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Haha yea Leah, I went to one house party before a football game and I literally sat there the entire time basically doing nothing as I watched people play beer pong for a while, then left for the game. I figured it would be kinda fun since I was with people who I knew from high school, but the parties are just excuses to drink a lot of alcohol and I felt out of place. I feel you with the not knowing half the songs, and that’s another reason I don’t care for clubs or anything. The people who know me would say I’m not quite an extrovert but also not quite an introvert. I mean I‘m probably be more introverted, especially because I used to be super shy and have severe social anxiety as a little kid, but getting through that helped me become more extroverted, and now I probably either don’t say a word, or talk way too much haha
Yes, Yes! I completely relate to this. I don't do things most people do in my high school. I don't enjoy parties, I don't drink, I don't use drugs. I have nothing in common with them, I'm mostly alone at school. Then I don't go out too much, so I stay at home most of my free time. I spend most of my days caught up in my own head, and I feel so disturbed with ocd. My interests are completely different, and I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything, it's just not who I am. It can get a bit lonely sometimes, though.
Yea I have a really close group of friends but they’re in my hometown and I’m at a different university, we still talk every day through discord though so I can always trust they’ll be there, but it’s not the same as seeing them in person
I can relate, just be true to yourself
I use to do this as well and still do from time to time. I am very introverted. I do have to say though that their are really nice friends out there that know how to have fun without partying, drinking, or doing drugs! I found several when I really started looking in the right places and started giving people a chance. I mean their is always the chance you meet someone weird along the way ? but isn’t it worth it to meet friends that can really last a lifetime??
Michael, I feel that so much! Especially with the morning thing. I’ve recently been convincing myself that going outside- for ANY reason will help lol. Or else I would just stay in bed all day. Parties allude me so much though. It’s just a crowded and loud conglomeration of people. I don’t even know the songs half the time. Not trying to sound holier than thou, but I would 1000% rather watch 800 episodes of law and order by myself in my bed the entire night. I’m not introverted or anything I just don’t understand how they’re fun. I’ve gone to so many that everyone has just said “wow that party sucked”. I literally?? I don’t get it. Anyways.
Haha yea something like that, I’m a freshman so I’m optimistic that I’ll find people I click with eventually, but I have to admit I haven’t done much looking after a sort of fallout with the last group of people I hung out with first semester (which could be its own huge post of me explaining the situation). Essentially I felt like I wasn’t being valued by my friends as much as I valued them, but considering I value my relationships with others so much more than the average person, that shouldn’t have been something that made me feel the way it did. My ocd went wild with intrusive thoughts and ruminating about my friends constantly and eventually I confronted them saying how I felt, and got mixed reactions, from caring and concerned by one person, to trying to act like they want to make things better (but not actually changing anything), to another person almost seeming offended, with how clingy I can be at times and how they are “busy,” when what I was asking to be changed didn’t involve more time, but things like more communication and inclusivity when making plans.
Or if someone doesn’t**
Yep sounds about right! And yea, I’m not confident or anything but I like talking to people and will strike up conversation!:) I guess I’m a mix too. But it feels like no one else I know is...like me? Or maybe being on a college campus I see the same kind of people everywhere, and the ones that are like me are also at home watching law and order. Idk
Sorry for the long replay ?
Reply*
No worries! Yea friends can be really disappointing like that sometimes. You did the right thing communicating how you felt, but sometimes people just take that as being attacked. I really hope you find a new crew that really takes your feelings into account!!
Okay so this has been on my mjnd for a while but like, every instagram model or like celebrity is always like: i have been depressed or i am depressed and life will get better and everything. But than i see the next post and its like them looking all happy partying or its a post with the caption like: i bought a new dog im sooooo happy. While i cant get it over my heart to go to a party or buy a dog while im like this. I dont wsnt to experience all the good things i always dreamed of when im not myself because it hurts. I dont know if that makes sense but its like i want to be the old version of me before hocd the careless one and the free one and then do all the fun stuff otherwise i wont enjoy it fully. I want to enjoy things fully like i used to. So i just dont get how all these people claim to be depressed but still are happy? They are like its a rainy day omg im so happy or something and jm just like, How? How are u happy. U said u were depressed if u were wouldnt u not be posting. Wouldnt you be sad 24/7. Because thats how i experience depression. So why arent they? Im just wondering like im not a depression expert and i dont know what they are feeling but i just get so jalouse like how do they get to be happy even tho theyre depressed as they claim. What are they going trough??. People always say that if u have depression and anxiety go lay in bed grab a snack grab a blanket and just chill and let the feelinggs be there but i cant chill. My mind is always on the run. I cant do any of the old stuff i did without feeling pain because im not expierencing the same feelings thst i used to get while doing the stuff. This whole post is so messy i hope Someone understands what im talking about because like depression and hocd littetaly changed everything. Eating, sleeping, breathing everything feels different and i dont wsnt to do fun stuff when i feel like this because in the back of my mind i know that if i didnt had hocd and depression i would be genuinely happy and not even thinking about anything other than the situation thst is going on and id just be focused on having fun while not even noticing it.
I wake up and think: i wanna kill myself. Then i fall back asleep for 10 min and wakeup and i feel like i can conquer the world and i wanna live my life and im okay! Then i gotta walk to the train starion i get a wave of sadness and anxiety and i think idk what inwant anymore. I get to school and just think: what the fuck than i go home and feel glad i got trougch another day living in this stupid world and i start doubting everything and i cant wait to binge eat, ditch my family and watch my favourite show where i will get anxious over because i wont enjoy it the way i used to and all of a sudden i dont have a crush on all the guys i used to crush on in the show and the i get sad because im forcing myself to like the show the same way as i used to but i just cant and i get anxious and fall back asleep in tears. I wake up and the same cycle starts over.
I see people living their lives and just enjoying themselves. Not taking things too seriously and not overly stressing. And then there’s me. Who stresses at the slightest thing. Whose OCD has taken massive chunks of my life that I’ll never get back. It feels like I’m going through life just terrified of my own f*cking shadow… Any small thing I have to deal with that to anyone else might just cause slight inconvenience or nervousness, causes me to have an almost complete and utter breakdown. WHY CANT I HANDLE LIFE. I am so ashamed of who I am. I want to be someone who is brave and courageous and who does things and lives life anyway, regardless of fear. But no. I avoid living because of it. Why am I even here if this is how my life is? What is the point? I’m going through it today, friends 😭
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