I am not seeking reassurance I just am just looking to vent with people who understand. My homework has been to look into late blooming lesbians and their experiences and I feel like I relate so much. I’ve never had a boyfriend and have had this theme on and off but panic inducing since around 14 (now 27) and SWEAR I had crushes on guys but what if that’s comphet? I never got a boyfriend cause I feared it would confirm I’m a lesbian if I started dating one and didn’t like him. It feels like I relate so much to these late in life lesbians post but isn’t that the point? Or else is would be reassurance? How do I accept the uncertainty when it looks like I’m CERTAINLY a lesbian and if I am, why can’t I accept that? Again I’m not seeking reassurance because I know it will get me nowhere but good god this disorder is annoying (if this is my OCD cause or maybe I’m using OCD as an excuse to not come out as gay?)

So I had the same exact theme as you, it got triggered by me seeing a comphet tiktok that I could relate to, and broke down at the possibility that I could be a lesbian. I started looking in the past for proof that I was or wasn’t a lesbian. Naturally, only the thoughts that could be proof that I WAS a lesbian were so much more profound in my mind than the proof that I was not a lesbian. When I had this theme, ocd liked to trick me into thinking I wasn’t attracted to men, and wouldn’t let me feel attraction towards men. (even though Ive had plenty of times of attraction to men before that theme popped up, but those thoughts didn’t cross my mind because you’re too stuck on the idea that you’re a lesbian). So, when you say you’ve had crushes on guys, that’s final. I had the same thoughts, looking back at my old crushes wondering if I was just looking for male validation or something. But no, a crush is a crush. Let me just tell you, I truly believed that I was a lesbian at some points. However, my theme moved on to something else and now I look back and am know that’s not true but I was just too stuck on the idea of it being true because I could relate to a lot of lesbians on things.

Ugh this helps from a relation stand point because there are times where it is less of “I just want to get over these” and more like “well you are a lesbian you’re just never gonna accept it for some odd reason so this is your life now”. It’s this issue of HOW realistic our thoughts and feelings can be and I also stuck to this theme cause my other themes are self harm and harming others so I think in my brain I thought “well at least no one gets hurt so let’s stick with this theme”

I found if I started sarcastically agreeing with the thoughts, even out loud when I’m alone, the intensity went away. I’d even laugh at them sometimes when I’d hear how out of character they sound for me, felt awful at first, but eventually the OCD is like a bully - if you start agreeing with it, and you’re not giving it the reaction it wants, it gets bored and goes away.