- Date posted
- 3y ago
- Date posted
- 3y ago
I am 19 rn facing this for the last 3 years now on and off last 6 months being extremely hard and torturous and still feelinv the same i constantly think and question i am supposed to go for this drive with my guy friend and its like i feel like i feel nothing for men anymore and that scares me ig idk who i am its making me think or I actually do notice girls the similar way i do with giys so like how is it ocd and not denial like i feel what if don’t actually feel anything and never see them as more than friends who am i then?!? Always identified to be straight but having thoughts of being a bi seems so easy cause i still feel for guys sometimes and now these thoughts about girls and noticing them how do i differentiate and tell myself it ocd?!? What if someday all of it is not ocd then all this was a lie?!?
- Date posted
- 3y ago
okay okay, first of all, i personally went through a time where i was almost accepting the idea of being gay. as much as it terrified me, all of my thoughts felt so real so i was like okay maybe this is it then. the thing is, it was there when it finally started to fade away. i used to feel stuff when i saw a picture of a woman that i thought was sexy, and with guys not so much. i used to get triggered every time we talked about gay people in school and every time that someone said that a girl was a lesbian i started to get all confused because i was like okay am i interested in this girl then? i totally understand the big deal it seems to try to tell reality and ocd apart; it happens to me these days with rocd. and i actually had no idea about socd when i was 13 years old, but somehow the fact that it scared me to death and i didn’t have a valid reason (for example, my moms gonna be so pissed, or my friends are gonna make fun of me), so it was really just myself. i noticed that i was so scared of something for no absolute reason, and that made me go back to okay, maybe there’s nothing to be afraid of then. so i acknowledged my thoughts and just let them be there, as much as they scared me, annoyed me or made me uncomfortable. i hope this helps. let me know if you wanna keep talking.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@lilyluna Thankyou for understanding it feels never ending
- Date posted
- 3y ago
How real did it feel
- Date posted
- 3y ago
so real
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Also i have had a few same sex experiences by what I remember in my very early childhood does that say something does that mean something do my dreams that feel so real mean something cause my childhood experiences and my dreams constantly make me feel like i liked them wanted them by choice enjoyed them and if I actually did what if i did then there’s no saying this is ocd its all proof of denial like I don’t understand what to do?!? And i am telling and writing all this cause i am scared and it’s easier to accept ocd?!? What do i do ?!? Pls help me?!
- Date posted
- 3y ago
and about this, i personally didn’t have any sexual experiences of any kind at the age where i suffered socd. i totally used to get the dreams though, and even though they say dreams might reflect something you desire, they are also a reflection of what worries you or what you fear. i remember i had this dream where i told a girl from my class that i liked her. i woke up and i was so worried and i really panicked about it. i told my advisor and she told me what i just told you. dreams also reflect what we fear, what is going on and on in our minds. i understand what you say about ocd being easier to accept and i know it. i’m struggling with that currently because ocd might feel like it’s just a consolation for reality, but it’s not like that. it’s what is making you think all of this.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@lilyluna Why does it feel like i know i am lying about ocd and like the fact that i like the same sex thoughts are so strong why would i have so many thoughts if I didn’t consider it i would just laugh it off but I can’t and I don’t understand what to do like even with the above scenario why does it feel like i know i am interested but i am scared and I don’t accept what is this I KNOW feeling is ocd doing this too?!? Is it all ocd?!? Or what?!? I am so sorry for ranting idk what to do
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@Brave through that’s okay you can’t rant all you want. but okay, like, don’t you think that if it was your nature, it would actually feel natural? i don’t know if i’m making myself clear haha, but you know? like if you really wanted to do it don’t you think it would be like the most natural thing for you? that’s something i probably thought at some point but like if i was just so stressed out about it being true, maybe it’s because it’s not. do you get me?
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@Brave through lol sorry i meant you CAN rant all you want ☺️
- Date posted
- 3y ago
right now I am 14 experiencing this. it feels so real and I just miss my old self. I’m not yet diagnosed but I have many symptoms to ocd, not being diagnosed makes it work. I recovered for a few months but then relapsed and here I am now :(
- Date posted
- 3y ago
makes it worse*
- Date posted
- 3y ago
hi! goodness, i know how hard it can be at that age, like all of my friends were starting to kiss guys and i was having all these thoughts. i kept reminding myself that i liked (let’s call him john) john, and it was very hard too. i wasn’t diagnosed either, i actually never was. but i just knew that was it now because i used to check all the time. like things that i thought about a girl and things i thought about a guy and then compare and convince myself that i still liked the guy. i also relapsed after about six months. but do you have any questions though?
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y ago
hi if you are able i have questions about hocd! i’m 19 so i’m a lil older than you but i am struggling really badly right now
- Date posted
- 3y ago
go ahead
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y ago
did you actually feel gay at times? i def researched the internet all day and it made me feel worse and is making me actually believe it’s true.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
pff yeah! i even thought about coming out lol, although i would recommend not search for stuff on the internet. that’s an ocd thing i guess
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y ago
that is definitely one of my compulsions. sometimes i have these moments where i cry and hyperventilate at the thought of being gay but only somtimes which also stresses me out and i’m like i’m pretty sure a gay person wouldn’t do that but it still doesn’t register lol
- Date posted
- 3y ago
yeah! that’s what i think, like if it was part of one’s nature, it would feel natural! i know it might not be like a big revelation to you rn and it might not change everything immediately but that’s the thought i held on to
Related posts
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 14w ago
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- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 13w ago
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- Date posted
- 10w ago
Hello, I've struggled with possible OCD but it didn't involved POCD at first, at first it was basically me denying that I was ever a victim of grooming/pedophilia and how I was the real abuser towards my abusers despite the fact that I was the child, they were the adult, how is that possible??. Then eventually in 2023, I saw a video based on a FNF modder exposing him as a groomer/pedophile, and it was because when he was 17 he allegedly had an interaction with someone who was 15 that was nsfw. Now keep in mind, I was a victim of grooming/pedophilia especially since age 11 and even at 17, however I was also a bit of a promiscuous teen due to years of being groomed and I was having nsfw discussions/heavily sex positive convos with people who were 15/16/17 at 17 and I never considered how that could be inappropriate and my intent wasn't to be predatory but the fact that I was just simply exploring my sexuality, also a lot of the people I was doing this with, we were apart of a discord server that heavily encouraged NSFW convos between Teens and adults and it was made by an adult so bad environment overall made by an actual predator. However it didn't stop me in 2023 thinking that I was a pedophile as a teenager and I was genuinely worried and thought that I was a terrible person and I still do. I only did what I did because I was being hurt and thought it was okay, I never meant to hurt anyone and I at 19 literally convinced myself that I was a pedo in my under 18 teen years because of the age gap between me and my friends {1/2 years} and we had conversations that were sexual based even though I at 19 was dating my BF who was 22/23 at the time, I was 19 having sexual convos with adults, I at 19 had friends that were minors and our conversations were always appropriate and never nsfw or those same friends that I had previous convos with that were nsfw, {they were all either 17/18/19 and I was 19} our conversation topics have switched to more SFW ones unlike the ones we had when we were all minors so how could I be a pedo? and I freaked out about it, I couldn't concentrate in classes at all, it was a genuine nightmare. Eventually I did get better and realized that my behaviors were under duress and how I'm not actually a bad person and how I've changed as an adult and do not wish to harm anyone however I'm back on my cycle of worrying again and I've communicated to the people who I thought I affected and they all express no ill will or any anger and were never uncomfortable, do not think about it or just don't care/simply forgot. But Guilt eats me up like a stray dog. I also sometimes see people on twitter calling 17 year olds dating 15 or 16 year olds pedophiles or calling them "P diddy"
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