- Username
- lilyluna
- Date posted
- 2y ago
I am 19 rn facing this for the last 3 years now on and off last 6 months being extremely hard and torturous and still feelinv the same i constantly think and question i am supposed to go for this drive with my guy friend and its like i feel like i feel nothing for men anymore and that scares me ig idk who i am its making me think or I actually do notice girls the similar way i do with giys so like how is it ocd and not denial like i feel what if don’t actually feel anything and never see them as more than friends who am i then?!? Always identified to be straight but having thoughts of being a bi seems so easy cause i still feel for guys sometimes and now these thoughts about girls and noticing them how do i differentiate and tell myself it ocd?!? What if someday all of it is not ocd then all this was a lie?!?
okay okay, first of all, i personally went through a time where i was almost accepting the idea of being gay. as much as it terrified me, all of my thoughts felt so real so i was like okay maybe this is it then. the thing is, it was there when it finally started to fade away. i used to feel stuff when i saw a picture of a woman that i thought was sexy, and with guys not so much. i used to get triggered every time we talked about gay people in school and every time that someone said that a girl was a lesbian i started to get all confused because i was like okay am i interested in this girl then? i totally understand the big deal it seems to try to tell reality and ocd apart; it happens to me these days with rocd. and i actually had no idea about socd when i was 13 years old, but somehow the fact that it scared me to death and i didn’t have a valid reason (for example, my moms gonna be so pissed, or my friends are gonna make fun of me), so it was really just myself. i noticed that i was so scared of something for no absolute reason, and that made me go back to okay, maybe there’s nothing to be afraid of then. so i acknowledged my thoughts and just let them be there, as much as they scared me, annoyed me or made me uncomfortable. i hope this helps. let me know if you wanna keep talking.
@lilyluna Thankyou for understanding it feels never ending
How real did it feel
so real
Also i have had a few same sex experiences by what I remember in my very early childhood does that say something does that mean something do my dreams that feel so real mean something cause my childhood experiences and my dreams constantly make me feel like i liked them wanted them by choice enjoyed them and if I actually did what if i did then there’s no saying this is ocd its all proof of denial like I don’t understand what to do?!? And i am telling and writing all this cause i am scared and it’s easier to accept ocd?!? What do i do ?!? Pls help me?!
and about this, i personally didn’t have any sexual experiences of any kind at the age where i suffered socd. i totally used to get the dreams though, and even though they say dreams might reflect something you desire, they are also a reflection of what worries you or what you fear. i remember i had this dream where i told a girl from my class that i liked her. i woke up and i was so worried and i really panicked about it. i told my advisor and she told me what i just told you. dreams also reflect what we fear, what is going on and on in our minds. i understand what you say about ocd being easier to accept and i know it. i’m struggling with that currently because ocd might feel like it’s just a consolation for reality, but it’s not like that. it’s what is making you think all of this.
@lilyluna Why does it feel like i know i am lying about ocd and like the fact that i like the same sex thoughts are so strong why would i have so many thoughts if I didn’t consider it i would just laugh it off but I can’t and I don’t understand what to do like even with the above scenario why does it feel like i know i am interested but i am scared and I don’t accept what is this I KNOW feeling is ocd doing this too?!? Is it all ocd?!? Or what?!? I am so sorry for ranting idk what to do
@Brave through that’s okay you can’t rant all you want. but okay, like, don’t you think that if it was your nature, it would actually feel natural? i don’t know if i’m making myself clear haha, but you know? like if you really wanted to do it don’t you think it would be like the most natural thing for you? that’s something i probably thought at some point but like if i was just so stressed out about it being true, maybe it’s because it’s not. do you get me?
@Brave through lol sorry i meant you CAN rant all you want ☺️
right now I am 14 experiencing this. it feels so real and I just miss my old self. I’m not yet diagnosed but I have many symptoms to ocd, not being diagnosed makes it work. I recovered for a few months but then relapsed and here I am now :(
makes it worse*
hi! goodness, i know how hard it can be at that age, like all of my friends were starting to kiss guys and i was having all these thoughts. i kept reminding myself that i liked (let’s call him john) john, and it was very hard too. i wasn’t diagnosed either, i actually never was. but i just knew that was it now because i used to check all the time. like things that i thought about a girl and things i thought about a guy and then compare and convince myself that i still liked the guy. i also relapsed after about six months. but do you have any questions though?
hi if you are able i have questions about hocd! i’m 19 so i’m a lil older than you but i am struggling really badly right now
go ahead
did you actually feel gay at times? i def researched the internet all day and it made me feel worse and is making me actually believe it’s true.
pff yeah! i even thought about coming out lol, although i would recommend not search for stuff on the internet. that’s an ocd thing i guess
that is definitely one of my compulsions. sometimes i have these moments where i cry and hyperventilate at the thought of being gay but only somtimes which also stresses me out and i’m like i’m pretty sure a gay person wouldn’t do that but it still doesn’t register lol
yeah! that’s what i think, like if it was part of one’s nature, it would feel natural! i know it might not be like a big revelation to you rn and it might not change everything immediately but that’s the thought i held on to
Just curious... how old are you guys? I’ve seen lots of people talking about school on here. I’m 18 and this community has really helped me feel less alone in being a teen with ocd!
... but I would like to find people on here around my age (I'm 38), who would be interested in proper chats and conversations outside of here (the app is great, but as there is no option to properly chat, but only blog, it's not completely satisfying my need for conversation with other OCD sufferers). I know younger people suffer from OCD, too, but certain things and views are just different, when someone is 20 years younger than me (no offence). Of course, we'd need to find out, if we get along and, if not, it should be fine to stop engaging without any hard feelings.
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