- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
I know how hard it is to battle OCD. It is definitely one of the toughest things I have dealt with. What really helped me was the motto to do 1% better everyday. If you do just 1% better everyday, then in 100 days you will be 100% better. I know it can be discouraging to refuse ruminating and doing ERP and not seeing much results. You have to dig deep and trust the process. Progress is progress no matter how small! How have you been responding to the thoughts? Do you try to ignore them and move on with your day? Or are you ruminating and doing compulsions constantly?
There is always hope! I would suggest doing ERP with the items you are talking about that you feel stuck in. Part of ERP is not figuring out those thoughts... like the thought that you may desire it... Maybe you do, Maybe you don't... but guess what, it is just a thought and you do not have to figure it out. The thought pops in, acknowledge the thought. Allow it to be there, all the discomfort to be there and move on with your day.... that is erp with a thought. Hope this helps. And if you haven't done ERP and need help I highly recommend NOCD. They helped me so much. Reach out and see if they can help.
I just have a hard time with letting it go. Especially sometimes I don’t even have a horrible reaction to a thought, but then I’m like I have to think about this and I trigger myself even more because I’m like the thought didn’t scare me.
But you have the choice not to engage... not not think about it.... Basically ERP is doing the opposite of what our OCD wants... oh, let me give him a thought that he's not triggered so he will wonder about it and try to figure it out... so do the opposite... don't try to figure it out. You have the choice to stay stuck in the misery of ocd or to start pulling yourself out. Only you can do it! (I also used "he" as an easy way to just type this out... idk who you are... so don't be offended lol)
Struggling with TOCD has probably been the hardest theme I’ve had to deal with so far For reference. I’m a gay male 20yr old Before this theme I was so open with my gender expression, love drag and used to do it for a time. A lot of my friends are trans women and my whole life is queer When this theme hit. It’s like I completely lost who I was. Questioning everything I enjoyed, not participating in anything because it triggered me so heavily. I went through a whole gender journey awhile back and the trans path never spoke to me when I looked into it. I love my physique and my face but now when I look into the mirror i feel like a shell of who I was. I can’t find any sort of pure enjoyment without the accompanying “what if” or “you’re this” intrusive thought I still enjoy how I look. I’ve not looked in the mirror and felt like anything is missing from me or needs to be taken away I just feel like a spectator in my life while this disease tells me I’m not who I know myself to be I affirm myself every day I know who I am and it may change in the future but that’s not important. It’s highly unlikely it will but it may! Giving into the uncertainty has been so hard but it’s worth it! My ocd has really picked up since getting into my first serious relationship I care about my boyfriend with my whole heart but over the course of our relationship my themes have included Health Relationship Irreality Harm I just want to be who I was again before this current theme it feels unbearable to live like this BUT! I’m seeking appropriate treatment and not giving into a majority of compulsions I just wanted to write this to see if anyone can relate and if they do. Know that you will overcome this! I know I will and you will too
I’ve tried accepting the uncertainty, I’ve accepted I may be gay, bi or still straight. I’ve tried doing ERP myself to the best I can. When I accept that I’m gay or bi why doesn’t my head agree and move on? Why does it still question it? I know I don’t want to be at all. I love my family. But I just want this to move on. I want to enjoy life. Why can’t I find women attractive again? (Brief moments I do). I seriously don’t understand the false attraction? I’ve tried agreeing with it but it won’t let this drop. Why am I attracted to the same sex? Why am I attracted to people I would never thought of looking at? Why does it give me such grief about this? I know I shouldn’t look at adult content but why can I only feel good watching either lesbian or females? I tried to agree with the gay but it makes me sick and horrendous I even considered this? I just want my life back.
I want to get thought this weird horrible period, it has been horrible. I am doubting everything. I’m not diagnosed but when I look at my past I’ve always been horribly anxious and worrying about health, death and basically everything while suffering from major a lot of insecurities stemming from bullying and lately a lack of intimacy with my partner, Every time I think I’m on the way out, or see some light at the end of the tunnel my mind always pulls me back in. It’s torture. I’ve always been insecure about how I look and I find myself comparing myself at other males and it’s made my self esteem on the floor. I have a girlfriend and prior to this we had a future planned and talked about kids (we’re still young, but it felt so real), this all began to bubble when we stopped being intimate and the loss of my job. I don’t know anymore how to move on, every day feels like a chore. The intrusive thoughts telling me I’m in denial, constantly thinking about men I’ve felt insecure about their looks compared to mine wishing I looked like them plaguing my mind. The false attractions, prior to this i was comfortable in acknowledging good looking men. However now my mind takes this as evidence, every single thing in my past seems like some form of evidence. Not having male friends, the comparisons, being questioned about my sexuality from siblings. I’m sorry if this is reassurance, I am just needing to get some things of my chest. Every time I think about my first real attraction or girls I found pretty/attractive or I liked my mind is like your in denial and then I feel horrible about thinking those thoughts as I have my girlfriend. I miss just being with my girlfriend and not having these thoughts and feeling horrible. I feel like a fraud and a horrible partner. I’ve tried to accept maybe, maybe not, but something always comes back. These 4 months have been terrible. I want to sleep without horrible dreams, I want to eat. I want to feel like myself again. Thank you to anyone who reads this. Hope you’re strong too.
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