I just need any encouraging words you can give, I have tried so hard to move past these themes but it’s so hard. I feel in denial and starting to question if there’s some desire on my part. Sometimes there’s a thought that I can’t get passed and I feel like it brings me down to square one.

I know how hard it is to battle OCD. It is definitely one of the toughest things I have dealt with. What really helped me was the motto to do 1% better everyday. If you do just 1% better everyday, then in 100 days you will be 100% better. I know it can be discouraging to refuse ruminating and doing ERP and not seeing much results. You have to dig deep and trust the process. Progress is progress no matter how small! How have you been responding to the thoughts? Do you try to ignore them and move on with your day? Or are you ruminating and doing compulsions constantly?

There is always hope! I would suggest doing ERP with the items you are talking about that you feel stuck in. Part of ERP is not figuring out those thoughts... like the thought that you may desire it... Maybe you do, Maybe you don't... but guess what, it is just a thought and you do not have to figure it out. The thought pops in, acknowledge the thought. Allow it to be there, all the discomfort to be there and move on with your day.... that is erp with a thought. Hope this helps. And if you haven't done ERP and need help I highly recommend NOCD. They helped me so much. Reach out and see if they can help.

I just have a hard time with letting it go. Especially sometimes I don’t even have a horrible reaction to a thought, but then I’m like I have to think about this and I trigger myself even more because I’m like the thought didn’t scare me.