- Username
- OCDwho?
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 2y ago
I know how hard it is to battle OCD. It is definitely one of the toughest things I have dealt with. What really helped me was the motto to do 1% better everyday. If you do just 1% better everyday, then in 100 days you will be 100% better. I know it can be discouraging to refuse ruminating and doing ERP and not seeing much results. You have to dig deep and trust the process. Progress is progress no matter how small! How have you been responding to the thoughts? Do you try to ignore them and move on with your day? Or are you ruminating and doing compulsions constantly?
There is always hope! I would suggest doing ERP with the items you are talking about that you feel stuck in. Part of ERP is not figuring out those thoughts... like the thought that you may desire it... Maybe you do, Maybe you don't... but guess what, it is just a thought and you do not have to figure it out. The thought pops in, acknowledge the thought. Allow it to be there, all the discomfort to be there and move on with your day.... that is erp with a thought. Hope this helps. And if you haven't done ERP and need help I highly recommend NOCD. They helped me so much. Reach out and see if they can help.
I just have a hard time with letting it go. Especially sometimes I don’t even have a horrible reaction to a thought, but then I’m like I have to think about this and I trigger myself even more because I’m like the thought didn’t scare me.
But you have the choice not to engage... not not think about it.... Basically ERP is doing the opposite of what our OCD wants... oh, let me give him a thought that he's not triggered so he will wonder about it and try to figure it out... so do the opposite... don't try to figure it out. You have the choice to stay stuck in the misery of ocd or to start pulling yourself out. Only you can do it! (I also used "he" as an easy way to just type this out... idk who you are... so don't be offended lol)
so i feel like i need to vent because all of this is just building up, 3 months ago when i had my first intrusive thought that caused an obsession that went on for weeks and then every other week a new intrusive thought would pop up and i’d obsess over that one. and it continues with multiple themes. some even similar to the one i’m dealing with right now but for some reason this one feels so much more real then again all the themes did. i really don’t know how to explain it, frightened if it’s just me. some days i feel completely numb to it like i’m a bad person but if that was so why would i keep fighting it and being in distress over it. it’s breaking my heart. i should know that it’s no coincidence since i’ve been dealing with this thing. whatever it might be ): i really don’t want to give up but i’m just scared. it all feels wrong and i feel numb or sometimes the ugliest stuff pops into my head. also the old themes have tried popping up again. i wonder if this whole thing is just my fault if it’s all just me but the truth is i guess i’ll never know... there’s so much more i could say... but i hope someone can relate to this... is it possible to feel just completely not like yourself like you’re trying so hard to just be the way you are but it’s hard because you have to sit with the fear inside your head... cause tbh there’s no other choice
I am adding a trigger warning, but I’ll still be mindful to censor. So I guess I would say I’m in a relapse. I was doing well (I think). I wasn’t having intrusive thoughts and I overcame a really hard theme. So for a few months I was doing pretty okay. My living situation and relationship took a huge hit and I guess I couldn’t handle the pressure idk. Anyway, one day I was trying to sleep and I got this intrusive thought about losing my mind I guess. Not being able to identify anything, speak, ect. Just being a blank mind or something. (I know, doesn’t my one ounce of sense to me either) Anyway, this really scared me, triggered me so badly that one of my old themes that I truly thought I had overcame came back. Not only did it come back, it sent me spiraling ( still am). It feels so much worse this time. And I’m struggling to overcome it. This thought: “how do we understand words?” And then it’s spirals into other thoughts related to this, but I’ll leave it at this. I can’t cope, my mind is hyper fixated on every word, not just mine. I can no longer watch tv comfortably, listen to conversations, or even speak myself. It’s making me feel like “unaliving” myself. I feel extremely alone in this. Like as if I’m the only person in the world to ever think this or struggle with this kind of theme. Getting some feedback would be great, but I won’t hold my breath.
So I have some false memories or at least exaggerated and distorted memories. If they are true or correct it’s horrifying for what this means about me. My mind can get so dark. I really need some encouragement to not seek answers and to stop ruminating. I know I can’t recall the past, but I’m genuinely surprised by how bad my memory is. Can someone please give me some words of encouragement to stay focused and sit with the unknown?
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