- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
I know how hard it is to battle OCD. It is definitely one of the toughest things I have dealt with. What really helped me was the motto to do 1% better everyday. If you do just 1% better everyday, then in 100 days you will be 100% better. I know it can be discouraging to refuse ruminating and doing ERP and not seeing much results. You have to dig deep and trust the process. Progress is progress no matter how small! How have you been responding to the thoughts? Do you try to ignore them and move on with your day? Or are you ruminating and doing compulsions constantly?
There is always hope! I would suggest doing ERP with the items you are talking about that you feel stuck in. Part of ERP is not figuring out those thoughts... like the thought that you may desire it... Maybe you do, Maybe you don't... but guess what, it is just a thought and you do not have to figure it out. The thought pops in, acknowledge the thought. Allow it to be there, all the discomfort to be there and move on with your day.... that is erp with a thought. Hope this helps. And if you haven't done ERP and need help I highly recommend NOCD. They helped me so much. Reach out and see if they can help.
I just have a hard time with letting it go. Especially sometimes I don’t even have a horrible reaction to a thought, but then I’m like I have to think about this and I trigger myself even more because I’m like the thought didn’t scare me.
But you have the choice not to engage... not not think about it.... Basically ERP is doing the opposite of what our OCD wants... oh, let me give him a thought that he's not triggered so he will wonder about it and try to figure it out... so do the opposite... don't try to figure it out. You have the choice to stay stuck in the misery of ocd or to start pulling yourself out. Only you can do it! (I also used "he" as an easy way to just type this out... idk who you are... so don't be offended lol)
I have had suicidal OCD for over a year now. I just am struggling to fight it tonight. I just have an enormous amount of self doubt and I can’t stop wondering if I’ll ever make it through this or not. My life is great but I just feel miserable every day. Any encouragement helps. Thanks
I had a really hard day yesterday. I had a memory come up, of a thought i had years ago, when my OCD was still fairly fresh. I remember that i was fantasizing, and i had a thought pop in of one of my obsessions, and for a second, i think i may have entertained it- maybe even enjoyed it. I talked about this with my first therapist and was able to move past it, but it has remained one of my stickiest and most horrible thoughts. Yesterday i tried to think through it again, and i definitely had an arousal feeling. I have this terrible fear that i could enjoy my obsessions if i just let go. I don’t want to be the kind of person who enjoys these things. I have a life and a family that i love so much, i’m just so deeply afraid of being irreparably evil. I feel like i’ve done something horrible, and that it’s only a matter of time before people find out. I don’t even necessarily know what the thing is that i’m supposed to have done. My brain offers a myriad of options, of course, but i’m usually able to talk myself through them- or when i’m not, have a family member talk me through them. I’m afraid i’m fooling them all. I just want to be a good person, but i feel like such an imposter. I want to be loved so desperately, but i feel like anyone who can find it in themself to love me must be evil too.
Struggling with TOCD has probably been the hardest theme I’ve had to deal with so far For reference. I’m a gay male 20yr old Before this theme I was so open with my gender expression, love drag and used to do it for a time. A lot of my friends are trans women and my whole life is queer When this theme hit. It’s like I completely lost who I was. Questioning everything I enjoyed, not participating in anything because it triggered me so heavily. I went through a whole gender journey awhile back and the trans path never spoke to me when I looked into it. I love my physique and my face but now when I look into the mirror i feel like a shell of who I was. I can’t find any sort of pure enjoyment without the accompanying “what if” or “you’re this” intrusive thought I still enjoy how I look. I’ve not looked in the mirror and felt like anything is missing from me or needs to be taken away I just feel like a spectator in my life while this disease tells me I’m not who I know myself to be I affirm myself every day I know who I am and it may change in the future but that’s not important. It’s highly unlikely it will but it may! Giving into the uncertainty has been so hard but it’s worth it! My ocd has really picked up since getting into my first serious relationship I care about my boyfriend with my whole heart but over the course of our relationship my themes have included Health Relationship Irreality Harm I just want to be who I was again before this current theme it feels unbearable to live like this BUT! I’m seeking appropriate treatment and not giving into a majority of compulsions I just wanted to write this to see if anyone can relate and if they do. Know that you will overcome this! I know I will and you will too
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