anyone struggle with SOOCD in a relationship or married? i feel overwhelmed and alone right now. it feels so real.

Any Christian’s with religion ocd and relationship ocd I feel so alone

As a lesbian with SO-OCD, I feel so helpless. It's truly exhausting because no one I know understands what I'm going through. The first response is always, "You're just confused" or "You don't have to know yet." But that's not the issue, I do know. I just never see any lesbians with SO-OCD so I feel so invalidated. These thoughts flood my brain constantly, forcing me to analyze my reactions to every man I see. I feel trapped in an endless cycle of "testing" myself, trying to prove that I don't like them. But my brain fights back, telling me I do want to love a man, making it feel real even though don't want it. It's terrifying. At this point, it's hard to even hold onto my identity as a lesbian because I'm so overwhelmed. I don't know if this is what real attraction is supposed to feel like, and that fear eats away at me. The truth is, when I think about being with a man, all I feel is disgust and fear-but my brain twists that into doubt. I hate it. I'm at the point where I'm scared I'm going to have to accept something I don't want because I don't know if this will ever go away. I miss who I was before all this.

people who have so-ocd, do you feel like you’re lying to your partner secretly. i don’t know why i get these intrusive thoughts but my mind continuously keeps making scenarios where i will leave my girlfriend in the future for a man. i want to stay a lesbian forever and i don’t want to hurt my girlfriend and it makes me so upset that my brain makes these thoughts up. i really hate all these thoughts and i don’t want to be with a man, i don’t want to be attracted with one, i don’t want to like one or anything related to one.