- Username
- Soph
- Date posted
- 2y ago
The low libido and lack of attraction for opposite sex is one of the most common symptom with hocd. With Time this theme, the fear of not being aroused by the opposite gender anymore, become a obsession itself. What you have to do is to stop ruminate that theme too and stop try to be aroused... Juste let down... It's of course easy to say but very tough to do. But remember, I have also this lack of attraction and everyone with hocd have it so you are not alone with this struglle.
Is it a huge sign? I have sometimes attraction to boys when I don’t have these thoughts and when they are back my attraction stops and I become worried again
I’m a girl btw
I understand this. I don’t struggle with HOCD anymore but it’s more a loss of attraction specifically when the potential of a relationship turns real, when someone expresses their feelings for me
@Soph Yes. My ex broke up with me now 4 months ago. After 2 months of the breakup these thoughts about hocd/soocd started. Can it be that it’s a coping mechanism of hiding the pain? Because I still have moments where I’m in a lot of pain about my ex and at that moment my thoughts are gone. And then in a matter of a second they come back and i stop being sad. Like it’s a way of pushing away my grief
@San2 Same for me too! My ex hurted me a lot, but I loved him! And when we broke up, I started to have hold thoughts!! And thinking about it, when thoose thoughts came out, I stopped missing him! I think that all the pain make you feel like you "are not attracted anymore by man"! Plus, I did everything to save our relationship, and I wasn't enough (at least that what was I was thinking) and that made me thinking about the possibility that maby I wasn't able to be happy (during relationship because rocd) and I wasn't able to make us work because In reality I am a lesbian! (And I'm not)
@eoid Yes exactly. It’s just pain I guess what is supressed because of the thoughts
I know what happens here: i think ocd is just a side effect. I don't think you are a serial or aromatic, i think that you just get "scared" unconsciously. It is similar to the avoidant attachment stile. When a guy likes you back, you get out of your comfort zone; you start to have anxiety, and we all know that anxiety doesn't let space for others feelings. And because of the anxiety, you start to doubting so much... and all the ocd came bringing more anxiety. I think you should look for something in your past, maby a belief (like that when you are with someoneyou shouldalwaysfeel in a certain way), or too many expectations; or the way that you received love from your parents... for example if they were not constant, it is already an explanation!! Anyway, with some patience, and a lot of efforts (and trying more times) you can get over this!! Trust me! I was not used to received love in an healthy way. It was scary at first; my ocd kept screaming, I kept saying that I should maybe not feel this; feel that! But the truth is that you have to prove yourself that is safe to stay in an healthy relationship, in order to enjoy it! You have to give yourself some time to get comfortable!!
Your right, I also think it’s because of an inner problem. Because this started when I was an half year into my relationship. At first it was rocd and now 4 months after the breakup it has switched to soocd. I think it has switched because I can’t let him go and those thoughts are some way of coping the pain? But I’m now doubting my orientation while I’ve never did before I had those thoughts.
Thanks for this - very helpful. Still doubting what you’ve said though as ocd doesn’t wanna believe anything! It’s doubly hard that I have this anxious response stopping me from relationships, and then that ocd tells me this response means something sinister about my sexuality
@Soph It doesn't trust me hahah I had a similar problem since when I was a little child! Every time that I started to like a boy, and he try to touch me (even hugs or hands shaking) I get a lot of anxiety out of nowhere, I block; like in a panic attac... and my stomach start to hurt so much that I just wanted to run away! All because of anxiety!!! I remember that because of that I started doubting about "maby he is not the one, maby I don't love him enough... all the ocd!!!" I ended my first relationship because this thing made everything impossible! (But I was like 15!) But with time, I learned to manage anxiety, small steps by small steps I arrived to the point where I love being hugged, I don't feel anxious anymore for being touched, I even tolerate being kissed now! Hahah
@Soph What do you mean exactly?
@San2 I just mean that every time I think I’ve figured out that I have a fear of intimacy, or attachment anxiety, my OCD begins to doubt it and I still feel anxious like ‘what if you’re using that as a cover up for you being aromantic/asexual’ ‘how can you ever know for sure’ - I feel like I’ll be alone forever cause I’ll never figure this out
@Soph Sometimes you don't need to figure it out; you can solve it without knowing what it is!!
Ohh now I get what you mean. I have it more like when I see a pretty women my thoughts go ‘you find her pretty that must say you like here or Finsbury attractive’ while if I don’t have these thoughts then I just go by them and don’t think anything about it only ‘wow she’s pretty’ and then I don’t have a intrusive thought. But when I’m in the ‘intrusive thoughts mood’ if you know what I mean, then those thoughts come up
Like her or find her attractive* sorry autocorrection haha
Friends here with ROCD- I haven’t ever been in a serious relationship, the last time I “dated” was 8 years ago, and I don’t really think I know what it actually looks like to like someone. I’ve recognized a certain cycle that’s happened probably 20 times in my life but didn’t realize how unhealthy it was until this year. This is the cycle: I find a guy somewhat attractive, he either says something or does something small (normal, not out of the ordinary?), my brain takes this little thing(s) and obsesses over it & turns it into this huge deal where I keep thinking about him, stalking his social media, making me compulsive (googling things, asking friends for advice, etc), and making me believe I really like this guy. This has happened twice in the last 3 months. Does this happen to anyone else?! How do you break the cycle, etc? When I’m in the obsession phase, it literally lasts for a week and sometimes makes me physically sick from the stress. Help!
It’s like I get anxiety towards any girl now. This feeling of First, thinking they are pretty Then, getting these series of emotions I can’t describe but there’s a hole in my stomach Last, Anxiety. A lot of anxiety. Feels like I want to *date* them These “attractions” feel so real. Like in actually gay. It’s like nothing can convince I am not anymore. It feels too real. And when I see hot guys, i Can just acknowledge they are hot now. Nothing else. I really just want to cry. It feels as if I was always like this. But for some reason it feels like I lost a part of myself. Like I lost my interest in guys. . I’ll never be with a woman, but I don’t think I’ll ever even be with a guy. The only thing I feel is anxiety. They feel too real for ocd to be behind this all, for this to just not be... real.
Ok so this might be long might not but I’m going to try and explain this very well ok so I have always dreamed about having a boyfriend and I’ll read novels and want that for me and I can imagine myself with a guy when I’m older and happy but right now I can’t whenever I try to think about it I get anxious and just want to cry cause more than anything in the world I want happiness but ever since I got hocd whenever a guy tells me they like me all I want to do I stop them from liking me and want to tell them to stop liking me I get an anxious type feeling and lately I have had the theme of asexuality like “am I an asexual? What if I turn asexual? What if because I get these weird feeling about boys liking me does that make me asexual?” I need some opinions of what people think and I also don’t know these could be new feelings to me I just have never dated or had a boyfriend I want one but at the same time “myself” doesn’t want me having one! What do you think?
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