Why do I lose feelings for guys when they like me back? I cant stop obsessing over this and I really want to let it go. I’ll have a strong crush on them, imagine a potential future, and then if I get an indication they feel the same way it’s like I get cold feet. Feelings of overwhelm, physical anxiety, doubt. This used to be massive fuel for my HOCD and now it feels like evidence for my current obsession that I could be aromantic or asexual. According to social media it’s quite a common thing but surely there’s some explanation for it? It’s so irritating and doesn’t make sense to me and causes me so much distress. It’s such a conflict in that I want to move closer to someone but also my body would be telling me to run for the hills. Anytime I find an explanation for it online I serially doubt it and feel so anxious, like I’ll never figure it out. Please help anyone!

Is it a huge sign? I have sometimes attraction to boys when I don’t have these thoughts and when they are back my attraction stops and I become worried again

I’m a girl btw

I understand this. I don’t struggle with HOCD anymore but it’s more a loss of attraction specifically when the potential of a relationship turns real, when someone expresses their feelings for me

@Soph Yes. My ex broke up with me now 4 months ago. After 2 months of the breakup these thoughts about hocd/soocd started. Can it be that it’s a coping mechanism of hiding the pain? Because I still have moments where I’m in a lot of pain about my ex and at that moment my thoughts are gone. And then in a matter of a second they come back and i stop being sad. Like it’s a way of pushing away my grief

@San2 Same for me too! My ex hurted me a lot, but I loved him! And when we broke up, I started to have hold thoughts!! And thinking about it, when thoose thoughts came out, I stopped missing him! I think that all the pain make you feel like you "are not attracted anymore by man"! Plus, I did everything to save our relationship, and I wasn't enough (at least that what was I was thinking) and that made me thinking about the possibility that maby I wasn't able to be happy (during relationship because rocd) and I wasn't able to make us work because In reality I am a lesbian! (And I'm not)

@eoid Yes exactly. It’s just pain I guess what is supressed because of the thoughts

Your right, I also think it’s because of an inner problem. Because this started when I was an half year into my relationship. At first it was rocd and now 4 months after the breakup it has switched to soocd. I think it has switched because I can’t let him go and those thoughts are some way of coping the pain? But I’m now doubting my orientation while I’ve never did before I had those thoughts.

Thanks for this - very helpful. Still doubting what you’ve said though as ocd doesn’t wanna believe anything! It’s doubly hard that I have this anxious response stopping me from relationships, and then that ocd tells me this response means something sinister about my sexuality

@Soph It doesn't trust me hahah I had a similar problem since when I was a little child! Every time that I started to like a boy, and he try to touch me (even hugs or hands shaking) I get a lot of anxiety out of nowhere, I block; like in a panic attac... and my stomach start to hurt so much that I just wanted to run away! All because of anxiety!!! I remember that because of that I started doubting about "maby he is not the one, maby I don't love him enough... all the ocd!!!" I ended my first relationship because this thing made everything impossible! (But I was like 15!) But with time, I learned to manage anxiety, small steps by small steps I arrived to the point where I love being hugged, I don't feel anxious anymore for being touched, I even tolerate being kissed now! Hahah

@Soph What do you mean exactly?

@San2 I just mean that every time I think I’ve figured out that I have a fear of intimacy, or attachment anxiety, my OCD begins to doubt it and I still feel anxious like ‘what if you’re using that as a cover up for you being aromantic/asexual’ ‘how can you ever know for sure’ - I feel like I’ll be alone forever cause I’ll never figure this out

@Soph Sometimes you don't need to figure it out; you can solve it without knowing what it is!!

Like her or find her attractive* sorry autocorrection haha