Why do I lose feelings for guys when they like me back? I cant stop obsessing over this and I really want to let it go. I’ll have a strong crush on them, imagine a potential future, and then if I get an indication they feel the same way it’s like I get cold feet. Feelings of overwhelm, physical anxiety, doubt. This used to be massive fuel for my HOCD and now it feels like evidence for my current obsession that I could be aromantic or asexual. According to social media it’s quite a common thing but surely there’s some explanation for it? It’s so irritating and doesn’t make sense to me and causes me so much distress. It’s such a conflict in that I want to move closer to someone but also my body would be telling me to run for the hills. Anytime I find an explanation for it online I serially doubt it and feel so anxious, like I’ll never figure it out. Please help anyone!

Mrparadise63

Date posted: 3y

The low libido and lack of attraction for opposite sex is one of the most common symptom with hocd. With Time this theme, the fear of not being aroused by the opposite gender anymore, become a obsession itself. What you have to do is to stop ruminate that theme too and stop try to be aroused... Juste let down... It's of course easy to say but very tough to do. But remember, I have also this lack of attraction and everyone with hocd have it so you are not alone with this struglle.

Anonymously2

Date posted: 3y

Is it a huge sign? I have sometimes attraction to boys when I don’t have these thoughts and when they are back my attraction stops and I become worried again

Anonymously2

Date posted: 3y

I’m a girl btw

Soph

Date posted: 3y

I understand this. I don’t struggle with HOCD anymore but it’s more a loss of attraction specifically when the potential of a relationship turns real, when someone expresses their feelings for me

Anonymously2

Date posted: 3y

@Soph Yes. My ex broke up with me now 4 months ago. After 2 months of the breakup these thoughts about hocd/soocd started. Can it be that it’s a coping mechanism of hiding the pain? Because I still have moments where I’m in a lot of pain about my ex and at that moment my thoughts are gone. And then in a matter of a second they come back and i stop being sad. Like it’s a way of pushing away my grief

eoid

Date posted: 3y

@San2 Same for me too! My ex hurted me a lot, but I loved him! And when we broke up, I started to have hold thoughts!! And thinking about it, when thoose thoughts came out, I stopped missing him! I think that all the pain make you feel like you "are not attracted anymore by man"! Plus, I did everything to save our relationship, and I wasn't enough (at least that what was I was thinking) and that made me thinking about the possibility that maby I wasn't able to be happy (during relationship because rocd) and I wasn't able to make us work because In reality I am a lesbian! (And I'm not)

Anonymously2

Date posted: 3y

@eoid Yes exactly. It’s just pain I guess what is supressed because of the thoughts

eoid

Date posted: 3y

I know what happens here: i think ocd is just a side effect. I don't think you are a serial or aromatic, i think that you just get "scared" unconsciously. It is similar to the avoidant attachment stile. When a guy likes you back, you get out of your comfort zone; you start to have anxiety, and we all know that anxiety doesn't let space for others feelings. And because of the anxiety, you start to doubting so much... and all the ocd came bringing more anxiety. I think you should look for something in your past, maby a belief (like that when you are with someoneyou shouldalwaysfeel in a certain way), or too many expectations; or the way that you received love from your parents... for example if they were not constant, it is already an explanation!! Anyway, with some patience, and a lot of efforts (and trying more times) you can get over this!! Trust me! I was not used to received love in an healthy way. It was scary at first; my ocd kept screaming, I kept saying that I should maybe not feel this; feel that! But the truth is that you have to prove yourself that is safe to stay in an healthy relationship, in order to enjoy it! You have to give yourself some time to get comfortable!!

Anonymously2

Date posted: 3y

Your right, I also think it’s because of an inner problem. Because this started when I was an half year into my relationship. At first it was rocd and now 4 months after the breakup it has switched to soocd. I think it has switched because I can’t let him go and those thoughts are some way of coping the pain? But I’m now doubting my orientation while I’ve never did before I had those thoughts.

Soph

Date posted: 3y

Thanks for this - very helpful. Still doubting what you’ve said though as ocd doesn’t wanna believe anything! It’s doubly hard that I have this anxious response stopping me from relationships, and then that ocd tells me this response means something sinister about my sexuality

eoid

Date posted: 3y

@Soph It doesn't trust me hahah I had a similar problem since when I was a little child! Every time that I started to like a boy, and he try to touch me (even hugs or hands shaking) I get a lot of anxiety out of nowhere, I block; like in a panic attac... and my stomach start to hurt so much that I just wanted to run away! All because of anxiety!!! I remember that because of that I started doubting about "maby he is not the one, maby I don't love him enough... all the ocd!!!" I ended my first relationship because this thing made everything impossible! (But I was like 15!) But with time, I learned to manage anxiety, small steps by small steps I arrived to the point where I love being hugged, I don't feel anxious anymore for being touched, I even tolerate being kissed now! Hahah

Anonymously2

Date posted: 3y

@Soph What do you mean exactly?

Soph

Date posted: 3y

@San2 I just mean that every time I think I’ve figured out that I have a fear of intimacy, or attachment anxiety, my OCD begins to doubt it and I still feel anxious like ‘what if you’re using that as a cover up for you being aromantic/asexual’ ‘how can you ever know for sure’ - I feel like I’ll be alone forever cause I’ll never figure this out

eoid

Date posted: 3y

@Soph Sometimes you don't need to figure it out; you can solve it without knowing what it is!!

Anonymously2

Date posted: 3y

Ohh now I get what you mean. I have it more like when I see a pretty women my thoughts go ‘you find her pretty that must say you like here or Finsbury attractive’ while if I don’t have these thoughts then I just go by them and don’t think anything about it only ‘wow she’s pretty’ and then I don’t have a intrusive thought. But when I’m in the ‘intrusive thoughts mood’ if you know what I mean, then those thoughts come up

Anonymously2

Date posted: 3y

Like her or find her attractive* sorry autocorrection haha

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