Not OCD related, sexual assault / parent rant

I don’t think anyone will read this. I’ve never posted before, but felt that i just had to let this out. I don’t have anyone to talk to. My mother barged into my room whilst I was about to take a shower. I told her I wasn’t dressed, and to come back at another time, but she ignored me. “I’ll keep my eyes shut I promise” she said, I insisted again for her to leave. Then she looked, laughing. She looked on purpose. This seems really small, I understand that. But it isn’t to me. It was really triggering. As someone who was sexually abused as a child, and having experienced my boundaries pushed & crossed in relationships throughout my early teens: I’ve always felt that my voice doesn’t matter. That my body can be treated however, and I have no say or power to change that. That I’m not worthy of respect, clearly. My mom doesn’t know about the sexual abuse I experienced 12 years ago, but she should know how to show basic decency. Why doesn’t she respect me? What did i do to be treated like this, along with the other cruel things she’s done to me. Yelling, throwing things, biting me, leaving bruises and scratches. When i’ve been the only one there for her to rely on during her mental health struggles, how could she tell me i’m “just too difficult to love”? I don’t think I’ll ever know. I feel weak for saying this, but this incident has lead me to relapse in sh and that has made me feel worse. I’ve been clean for ages. I feel really terrible right now, but it felt good to let this out. Again, I don’t know if anyone will read this but, if someone has gotten this far: I want you to know I love you. You are worthy of respect. You are not a doormat. You are not weak. And you are going to prove them wrong, every single person who doubts or disrespects you. Because you are way more remarkable than you have ever thought.

Username: JB1020JB1020

Date posted: 2y ago

No child deserves to be sexually abused. It takes a lot of strength to talk about it and come to grips with that history. Have you ever sought therapy for it? I hope your relationship with your mother improves. Have you tried sitting her down and airing these concerns? You are capable of getting clean again - you already did it once. Let this post serve as your low point, and it's all up from here. One day at a time.

Username: alexS&SalexS&S

Date posted: 2y ago

Unfortunately due to my current situation, I’m unable to afford therapy, and have been trying to heal on my own for a number of years. My relationship with my mom has always been chaotic; there are periods where our relationship is good, and other times when it is awful. I have tried to talk to her countless times, and all it has ever done is make her treat me worse. This isn’t close to my rock bottom, so I’m sure I’ll be ok. Thank you so much for your supportive comment💛 Take care

Username: mostdope42mostdope42

Date posted: 2y ago

i’m so sorry to hear about this horrible, violating incident. you don’t have to know someone was abused to show them that basic respect, even if you are a parent. you aren’t entitled to anyone else’s body, even if they’re your child! you’re so strong for talking about this. i just wanted to cry and send you a virtual hug :(. you didn’t deserve this and i think you should re-read all of those lovely affirmations you wrote for all of us to YOURSELF. you deserve it 💜

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 2y ago

I just wanted to come in here and give you some love. Know that you are a beautiful human being worthy of all the nice things in life ❤️❤️ Keep hanging in there

Username: DutchgirlDutchgirl

Date posted: 2y ago

I read your post. I’m sorry you are feeling bad. I’m not sure what to say…but I hope you feel better soon.

Username: Anonymous

Date posted: 5y ago

PLEASE READ THIS!!! This is for all of you who developed OCD from some form of abuse, bullying and PTSD. I really hope it will help you to shut that disgusting OCDs voice cause it did help me a lot. It took me 27 years to finally realize it is not my fault. I blamed myself for EVERYTHING. Someone accused me of being stupid. I believed it. Someone said I'm worthless. I believed it. Someone accused me of cheating, and guess what? I believed it and developed a false memory OCD. I ALWAYS DOUBTED EVERYTHING ABOUT MYSELF. Through my entire life I strongly beleived I was crazy, neurotic and too sensitive. But, guess what?? After almost a year of suffering from OCD and almost a year of blaming myself, critising myself and hating myself I realized I AM NORMAL!! PEOPLE AROUND ME DECIDED TO MAKE ME THEIR PUNCHING BAG, ABUSE ME AND THEN AFTER I DEVELOPED HORRIBLE ANXIETY BECAUSE OF THEIR ABUSE THEY MADE ME LOOK CRAZY!! I WAS THE ONE SEEING THERAPISTS WHILE THEY ALL CLAIMED THEY'RE "COMPETELY FINE AND NORMAL". All I wanted was love and understanding. Nothing more, nothing less. That was exactly what I gave to them. But it was never ever enough. And with years it left me feeling drained. Like I am just an empty souless body. They took everything from me. I gave my heart, my soul to the people who only wanted more and more and more... This is how I developed OCD. It is conected to PTSD in my case. I wrote this because if anyone here is in a similair situation, please just know: YOU'RE NORMAL. THEY ARE NOT. STOP BLAMING YOURSELF, IT ISN'T YOUR FAULT YOU WERE MANIPULATED AND USED. Your OCD is THEIR VOICE! JUDGING, HATEFUL AND CRUEL! You deserve love, you deserve happiness and kindness. IT. ISN'T. YOU. IT'S. THEM.

Username: violetblue

Date posted: 3y ago

Okay so this is not about OCD but I need to get it off my chest and this is the closest thing to therapy that I have cause it it very expensive and I can't afford it. I feel like my mom has a sexual problem. I feel unsafe around her. When I can growing up she always wanted to touch me and touch and see my boobs. When I hugged her she would always try to touch my back trying to figure out if I was wearing a bra or a tank top. And between 1 and 2 years ago I stopped letting her touch me. Not my hands, not a hug, nothing. And even though I've told her that I don't like touching she always tries to grab my but, or my thigh or my belly. When she does I feel like I wanna push her and I have a panick attack. I'm 19. She doesn't like when I have friends. It feels like she gets jealous and she always tries to keep me home, to not go out at all. I feel like I'm not making any sense but I needed to get that off my back

Username: Magzzz

Date posted: 2y ago

I don’t know what to do

I really need help. This isn’t ocd related but I don’t know what to do and I have no one to go to. I think my mom is verbally abusive and I don’t know if I’m overthinking because I’m told all the time I overthink things but I can’t calm down. My mom has treated me horrible my whole life she doesn’t pay attention when I tell her things I’m excited about, she dismisses my feelings or when I’m upset and makes me feel like I’m a problem or that I don’t matter and that her problems are always worse than mine. She has threatened to hit me many times throughout my life but never has except for once when I was little I had a horrible headache and was crying from the pain in my room and we had company and she came in and hit me and told me to shut up that I’m worrying the company. She’s called me so many horrible names and just did today. We were playing cards and listening to music with my grandma and when I made a music suggestion she had a strong opinion about a singer that she has also listened to and when I got irritated about it she stopped playing and said I was a “little bitc*” said “another holiday ruined” and made a comment about my friends at work and that I treat them some way is why I lost them or whatever and she’s always called me much worse. I don’t know what to do. I’m scared and I want to escape so badly but I can’t I have no where to go. I’m 23 and live with my mom and grandma. I can’t afford to move out and if I did I would have to live in my car. I’m so scared and upset. I hate myself. I wish I could just give up and I’m scared if I do that than it’s going to get much worse for me but at this point I don’t care. I have no one who loves me or cares about me and I definitely don’t have my mom because if it were any one else she would be so kind to them and treat them so nice if they were going through a hard time because I’ve heard her do that for many people but in real life when no one is listening and I tell her what is going on and why I’m upset she yells and screams at me saying I’m a ungrateful bitc* and that there’s nothing I could possibly be stressed about and many other things. I can’t do this anymore. I wish I could be free

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond

Not OCD related, sexual assault / parent rant

Related posts

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Be a part of the largest OCD Community