- Date posted
- 3y
question?!
for couples who have been together for a good amount of time is it normal to not always feel “ in love” all the time ? that it comes and goes ?
for couples who have been together for a good amount of time is it normal to not always feel “ in love” all the time ? that it comes and goes ?
A relationship isn’t wholly about love all day every day. It’s about commitment and working on your relationship.
I also challenge you to rewire the way you view what “in love” means! Is your idea of “in love” what movies/books/tv shows/those around you/etc told you it is? I say this because that’s how I viewed love for a long time. It got me stressed all the time thinking “why don’t I feel that burning passion ALL the time?” Well that’s because long term, committed relationships aren’t always like that! They require work and commitment and are not one size fits all. I know I am “in love” with my partner when we hold hands in the grocery store, or when I make him lunch and bring it to him at work, or when I just feel like giving him a hug after a long day. It doesn’t always need to be this big romanticized thing :) I hope this helped, again I want to emphasize this is my experience with relationship anxiety & doesn’t reflect every relationship, everyone is different :)
i think that love is a choice and a commitment! it’s about choosing to trust that the love is still there even when you’re mad at your partner or you’re just having a chill night in, not talking much! in any relationship, regardless of the nature, there are going to be “dull” moments. but as @ocdhater said, the movies and media have taught us that it isn’t okay or they aren’t the one if there ever is those dull points. when really, sometimes we just run out of things to say or we get mad at them, just as we would with a friend or sibling or relative. you’re doing way better than you think ❤️❤️❤️
are you meaning you think you don’t love them ?
no. i know that i love them but at this moment im not feeling “ in love “ if that makes sense
@faith🤍<3 him *
For me, something I’ve learned is that relationships are very fluid. There are high points and there are low points. It’s the same with emotions. There are moments of high emotion and moments of low emotion. This could be for a whole bunch of different, personal reasons, like stress, hormonal changes, depression, anxiety, life is busy, you name it. That doesn’t mean love isn’t still there! I recommend the Anxious Love Coach podcast! She discusses these things in it :)
You're seeking reassurance. Its not going to help you in the long-term believe me
Sometimes I get really upset with my boyfriend and I can’t tell if I’m not having my needs met or if it’s my ROCD questioning things. I can’t express that I’m upset because he rlly doesn’t understand what is going on in my head and most times I bring it up it’s turned into an argument. It is really frustrating does anyone have any tips on deciphering this stuff or dealing with the upset feeling/ bad thoughts (IE: “He’s cheating on me and that’s why he’s not texting.”) (IE: “He’s talking like this because he just doesn’t love me, and he’s not attracted to me. He clearly wants to leave me but doesn’t have the heart to do it yet”)
Lately, I’ve been feeling so disconnected from my boyfriend, and I don’t understand why. When I look at him, it feels like I’m looking at a stranger, and my mind keeps telling me that I don’t like him, that I never really loved him, or that I was just attached and comfortable. It feels real, and that terrifies me. I know logically that ROCD makes me overanalyze every little feeling, but it doesn’t make this any easier. I keep waiting to feel something—love, excitement, even relief—but instead, I just feel numb and distant. When we talk, I feel weird. When he kisses me, I don’t feel much. I keep thinking, ‘If I really loved him, wouldn’t I feel something?’ And the fact that I don’t just fuels my anxiety even more. It scares me that I can’t remember how I felt before ROCD took over. I look at old pictures, and my brain tells me, ‘That wasn’t real, you were just excited to have a relationship.’ And because I can’t access those feelings right now, it makes me doubt everything even more. I also feel guilty because my boyfriend is so loving and patient, but I feel like I’m hurting him. He tells me he doesn’t feel loved by me anymore, and I hate that I can’t just snap out of this and be the way I was before. It’s exhausting. I don’t know what’s real anymore. I keep checking how I feel every second, and it just makes me feel worse. I know that’s a compulsion, but it’s so hard to stop. I keep searching for certainty, but no answer satisfies me. Even when I try to accept the uncertainty, my mind screams, ‘But what if you don’t love him? What if you’re just lying to yourself?’ I want to be present with him. I want to feel love naturally again. But I don’t know how to get there, and it’s terrifying.”
Is it normal feeling no connection towards your boyfriend if you think you're dealing with ROCD. I was talking with my therapist last Wednesday and she asked me if I can picture a future with them for the longest time I did but now I feel like my head is trying to tell me no is that common?
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