- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
Recovery from suicidal OCD
Anyone on here recover from suicidal OCD and want to tell me about their journey?
Anyone on here recover from suicidal OCD and want to tell me about their journey?
I had suicidal ocd since I was 12 to when I was 16/17 I’m now 18 and can finally say I’m not terrified of that particular thought anymore. I was convinced my family and friends believed I was suicidal (but I clearly wasn’t suicidal) and I was paranoid thinking everything thought or everything I did was actually a clue that I was actually suicidal. I was never actually suicidal I just had such a strong belief that I used to avoid words with and “h” in, in case it sounded like hanging or avoid words with an “s” this gor to the point where I sent a year repeating every sentence I ever said to double check everyone had heard me correctly and didn’t think I was suicidal. I know it sounds illogical now but at the time I was convinced it made sense and I had to carry on doing it so my family wouldn’t think that of me. Then the intrusive thoughts that came with it were horrific. I used to get awful intrusive thoughts or people I loved hanging or covered in self harm it was awful I used to make the thoughts disappear but slowly turning the imagine into dust in my head. it was so tiring I had to constantly re read everything I’d written to make sure I hadn’t mentioned anything suicidal and because I was repeating phrases in my head to tell me it’s not real and everything is okay I would start writing down the phrases by accident and have to scribble it out in case anyone would find out why I was telling myself it was okay. I couldn’t speak to anyone about it because I was so scared and ashamed it was a massive secret for years that I thought I was taking to my grave I can now watch hanging scenes in films without the rope and person getting stuck in my head for weeks. I just want to tell you that there is nothing wrong with having scary shameful thoughts and you don’t need to prove to yourself or anyone that you aren’t suicidal because you can live with the uncertainty and you will be absolutely fine nothing bad will happen.
Thank you! I am part of a profession with a high suicide rate and that scares me shitless
@Natalia D curious, what profession are you in?
@username255 Veterinarian
@Natalia D ahh yes. see i was in school for EMT and thats how i developed harm OCD.
@Natalia D so profession definitely has to do with it
My suicidal thoughts were/are linked to my OCD. Anytime that I played into a compulsion, I would/still sometimes do tell myself that this is why I should do it or others would want me to. My compulsion was/still is sometimes convincing myself I have to die and ruminating about it. - it's gotten a lot better since I linked it to OCD. I understand most of the time that I'm playing into a compulsion.
Thanks for the advice. I have depression as a compulsion which doesn’t make this any easier
@Natalia D Yeah, that sounds really difficult to manage with OCD. I'm always here to talk if you need someone.
@m00se Thank you. Is there a way to message people on the app?
@Natalia D I'm not sure. I will start a post to ask.
@Natalia D @natalia D how are you doing with this fear?
im currently dealing with it i need to follow this.
Yup it’s not fun. Hence why I’m dreading work
i feel that! suicidal OCD is horrible. i have no desire to die but the thought i could easily do it is so frightening and im scared my body will give in to doing it ugh.
@username255 Yup!!! And then I start to feel depressed about it
Awesome thanks!!
No problem!
@m00se There is not a way to DM, but always feel free to comment on one of my old threads or here if you need to talk!
Just wanted to jump on here and express how I have felt lately. The past 5 to 6 months have been pretty excruciating. I conquered OCD 5 years ago and for some reason, it has slipped back and took over my life again. More so the depression that came along with it. Is there anyone else out there that has returned to rock bottom where they once fully climbed themselves out of?
Hi - I’m new here but I’m going through this right now and was wondering if anyone can share their harm ocd recovery stories and what your experience was like. Thank you (:
Just wanted to give some hope to those who are having ocd spikes, spirals and worries. This past year I have regained my life back. I went from beginning to isolate myself, being convinced by my ocd that my hobbies are bad and that I should avoid things I enjoyed, and having constant panic attacks. With the work of IOP, psychiatry and nocd, I have made great strives towards my future. I now don’t avoid things and instead embrace my life and ANY possibility that may come. Don’t let the ocd bully you. Yes, I have intrusive thoughts still but I am able to go about my day instead of obsessing over them. You can find this too. I encourage anyone on the fence to please seek help if you are in a tough time, it can literally save your life.
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