HOCDers: do any of you ever go through moments that feel like realisation or discovery of being gay (I hate this so much because I know I’m not) Also does your ocd ever make you feel funny about being straight when you know you are? Sometimes if I say to myself ‘I’m straight’ I get a sensation that isn’t quite anxiety, I don’t know if it’s a longing/missing just knowing?

Yes very... bc all i want is the complete opposite. I literally just try accepting the thoughts. But even if I accept them they are still always there.

Yes! In fact, yesterday I watched a movie with Lily James in it and I have always thought she was beautiful and I have aspired to be her, etc..but I had this thought that said “I would marry Lily James” and it felt so real. But then I let the thought come and even exposed myself by telling a few trusted friends “I only want to be with a man but I would marry Lily James” and then we joked about it all for a while. I’m trying so hard to not let every thought and feeling mean anything but gosh it’s so hard.

Yes! I think the reality is that we have to try to accept that it’s okay to think the same sex is beautiful and to be willing to say things like “You know what, I actually would marry Lily James” but that means nothing because I only want to be with a man. In fact, the whole movie, I was looking at the main guy in the movie and dreaming about marrying him. These intrusive thoughts and feelings are so annoying but I’m holding out hope that this won’t control my life or each of your lives forever

@Jen22 my brain always does this! As a kid I had a laptop and would look up pics of my fav celebrities when I was bored and I just found them pretty, but damn my brain is taking it as evidence and saying I was attracted to them.

Yes, happened to me yesterday & i freaked out. I wish I knew how to fix it.

This is the longest these thoughts have sit with me... in the past it was easier to brush em off. Idk why this is so hard.

Honestly @Jen22 there are times when I find this stuff so hard and still so surprising with the amount of ways it tries to convince me!

Passed two days my brain has been saying “your gay, just admit it”. “Just say it” like in these little voices! I have NEVER had a crush on a girl. EVER. I don’t get why I cant shut that voice off. Literally wish I had a switch!

Hey @Sunshine1 I’m not sure what religion you follow (I’m a Christian) but I completely understand that pain and 100 percent relate to what you mean. If you ever want to talk privately through social media or text, let me know!

In fact, if any of you want that, let me know! I would love to chat!

Thanks @jen22 that means alot! ??

Thank you @Jen22!

yes all the time. it’s been happening to me all week and idk how to fix it. some days i can just ignore the thoughts and other days i have to give into the compulsions or i feel like i’m going crazy

That happens to me all the time . All the time I worry “is this just gay realization?” And then my ocd goes crazy

@Sunshine1 it’s so annoying isn’t it?

Me too, accepting the thoughts only works so far but the thoughts are always there

Yes my brain is always looking for proof & “disproof” if that makes sense!

Life is crazy- i have always said God will never give you anything you cant handle- however why is God giving me this.