How can I accept my body without fearing it makes me gay or trans?

Normal?

I have hocd hopefully and also some tocd thoughts but its not that bad. I am obsseded about my body hair "do i have too much body hair for a woman?", broad shoulders " They have to mean something?", I really hate them but everyone on my family has broad shoulders. I have checked all my bodyparts and i check them over and over again. Like do i have manly face and everything. I want to go test my testosterone levels so badly but i dont if its reasurence. I feel like verything proofs something and it is making me crazyy. How can i just accept that fact that my bodyparts and my looks doesnt make me gay or trans.

Username: kosmokosmo

Date posted: 2y ago

hello, i also have both tocd and hocd (and im also someone who has "too" much body hair for a woman). although my tocd is non existent at this point (it's not as severe as hocd and i've gotten lots better), i used to be so convinced that i'll end up as a transman or something. tocd is a lot worse when you're insecure so you should build your self esteem and at the same time don't seek reassurance and perform compulsions. you'll be alright trust me 🤍

Username: brynnybat2004brynnybat2004

Date posted: 1y ago

@kosmo I’m like this, and yeah it makes me feel like i’d “like it as a man” and gives me unwanted urges and feelings.

Username: HyewookHyewook

Date posted: 2y ago

It's just an insecurity, your body type doesn't mean anything. I hate my broad shoulders as well and my HOCD kicks much harder when I compare myself to other girls, but we can't change our genetics. If you always loved opposite gender, it won't ever go away and even if it's hard sometimes, we need to believe this. The same goes for your gender. If you were satisfied with being girl before HOCD and TOCD kicked in, it won't suddenly change.

Username: FinnishgirlFinnishgirl

Date posted: 2y ago

Thank you for everyone!!!

Username: madaraa

Date posted: 5y ago

Am i reassuring myself ? When i get intrusive thoughts about tocd (trans ocd) im always like - you dont want to appear as a man outside so youre not trans.

Username: paufli

Date posted: 4y ago

I find it really hard to accept the uncertainty of the thoughts. I mean i used to have HOCD and accepting the possiblility that i might be gay was really stressing, but i manage to control it and now i don't have uncertainty with that. I have a boyfriend now but i think i would be with a girl too. The problem is with this other obsesion, fear about being Trans, TOCD? I find it a lot more difficult to accept the uncertainty. Cause it's like okay it's not my sexuality, it's my identity, i have to change who i am, my gender? And not being certain about that scares me a lot. Im really tired of asking myself so do you identify as a man or a woman? It's hard to stop rumiaiting cause it's all in my head. My question is how do you accept the uncertainty of not knowing and being okay with it? Do you have any tips?

Username: Anon1298

Date posted: 3y ago

Hi all, I'm new here and I guess self diagnosed or unsure of if I have HOCD. So I'd just like to get my story out there and just see if it's relatable at all or if I'm just denying my feelings, if anyone can respond..(sorry for a long one) It's been causing me a lot of stress lately and it can't shake the constant loop of thoughts like "Am I a lesbian", "you're not boy crazy so you must not be attracted to men", " you fit these stereotypes so that must mean you are". It all started when I was young like 13/14 when I had watched lesbian porn online accidentally at first and then I had watched a few more because it was the first time I had watched porn at all, let alone same sex porn. So I guess I was curious at the time and like you read "sexual things can cause a sexual response". So I was fine with what I watched but then like a few years later it was like, you watched that video and had a sexual response that must mean you liked it and want to be in that type of relationship. And that really stuck in my head. I began thinking about how I've never had a boyfriend and never felt like my friends when they would be drooling over boys, but I just assumed that having a boyfriends was something I'd get when I was older and like ready. Like I did have crushes, but also had low self esteem and just assumed that no guy would ever like me. Additionally I don't think I've ever looked at another girl and felt attracted to them or the need to be with them. But then reading things online caused me to doubt that. Anyways the thoughts come and go and sometimes I'm able to tune them out for months or years, but recently I have been really stressed about them. I currently have a boyfriend and I enjoy spending time and being with him. But these thoughts have been causing a lot of anxiety with respect to my relationship because then I think am I just dating him to his my feelings,I'm just stringing him along and using him. But I know that I don't want to break up. I find that I am searching stuff online a lot to try and find an answer, and then reading all those things makes me compare myself. Like the stereotypes and things I put to myself like oh I like playing sports that's a masculine thing, and how I dress and I don't find myself pretty or dainty so that must mean I'm not girly. It's a thought overload and making me so anxious because I feel like I don't know myself anymore and that I fear I've been lying to everyone if I figure out that I'm not straight. and like even if I thought I was bisexual that would be okay because that doesn't completely eliminate dating men, and I could still only date men. But being completely on the other end of the spectrum would feel like I'd have to completely shift my thoughts to fit and make these looped thoughts go away. I guess all I want to know is if this is normal or if it's ocd at all, am I just lying to myself or trying to hide my true self because I'm afraid of the consequence?? And I know that reassurance seeking which I shouldn't do hahah but this is my first time seeking ocd help and I may not get a therapist soon because of where I live.

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How can I accept my body without fearing it makes me gay or trans?

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