Username: Magzzz

Date posted: 2y ago

How can I ever forgive myself?…

How can I forgive myself for the mistakes I made as a teenager (maybe 15 through 18 or 19 I don’t remember exactly) when at the time I had no bad intentions I just didn’t understand what I was getting into? How can I forgive myself for being so dumb? I should of known. But unfortunately now dealing with real event and other themes trying to find “proof” it’s so exhausting and unsettling especially when the worst case scenario about my self and my past comes up literally every day and I have to fight it with “maybe, maybe not”…when will it ever go away. Do I even deserve for it to go away? No matter who I’ve told whether it was a parent or a therapist they all say the same thing…….let it go……..how am I supposed to do that. I want to do great things in life. I want to make up for all I have done wrong. I want to help people but I can’t even help myself. I hate myself. I don’t even like myself at all. I would go back in a heartbeat. But I can’t. I’m stuck in this mental hell. Will I ever be ok again…….

Username: Marcus47289Marcus47289

Date posted: 2y ago

You might be surprised how much a perspective shift can help with forgiving oneself for past mistakes. The person who made those mistakes is not the same as the person you are today. And the person you are today is not the same as the person you'll be 5, 10, 15 years from now :). Simply put, it can help to think of yourself at different points in your life as different people. Because the reality is we are constantly changing.

Username: MagzzzMagzzz

Date posted: 2y ago

I’ve changed so much and I feel so stupid for not knowing then what I know now. I should of known. But it’s years later and there’s nothing I can do to change it. Is ocd blowing it out of proportion? Maybe. But I just can’t let go of how dumb I was when I should of been more smart about it

Username: Marcus47289Marcus47289

Date posted: 2y ago

@Just Breathe ❤️ I hear you, and I'm just throwing ideas out here but maybe the way to react to this OCD thought isn't to obsess over trying to forgive yourself at all. It might be to prevent the mistake of letting a few details of your distant past limit your present wellbeing and future potential. Then your future self can look back knowing you did your best. I wish you well!

Username: MagzzzMagzzz

Date posted: 2y ago

@Marcus47289 Thank you

Username: HipHopAnonymous🦛 HipHopAnonym...

Date posted: 2y ago

I’m sorry you’re struggling. The theme is brutal, especially with the way it can play on your past. Try to be gentler with yourself. You don’t have to be ok with the mistakes you’ve made. You don’t even have to “let them go.” Just try to put more stock into who you are today in this moment, and who you want to be. Don’t deny, hide, or run from your mind. Just don’t let it tell the story of who you are by stuffing it into the unreachable past. Also quit trying to prove your worth to yourself and the world because your mind will always tell you you don’t deserve it, even if you do great things. At least for a while. You are a human. Let that be enough for now.

Username: MagzzzMagzzz

Date posted: 2y ago

I’m not ok with the mistakes I made at all. I wish it never happened and knowing what I know now and having better knowledge and adult mindset I have so much remorse and regret. I want to believe you but my mind won’t let me unfortunately but your advice and the encouragement is very helpful. Thank you 🙏🏻

Username: ocdstinks ocdstinks

Date posted: 2y ago

Just reading this I can see your pain. Yes you deserve forgiveness and yes you will get better. I have the same thing. I made mistakes when I was 18-21 and am still making mistakes to this day. We learn from them, because without them how could we ever grow?? The are an important part of life. And you don’t need to know exactly when these happend, what was said, ect. Trust me- I spend a few hours each day ruminating and replaying my past to “know” exactly what happend. After struggling with this theme for almost a year it’s still hard. However- the ruminating hasn’t done me any good. Just causes me to become sick. Thinking about the past more then the normal “oh man I could have don’t that differently” and reflecting for a few minutes is unhealthy. Why should we have to re-live our mistakes hundreds of times? It doesn’t change the outcome. We learn from our mistakes thinking about it for even a few minutes, so why spend hours or days doing so? It’s not fair to continue to live through it. No one deserves that

Username: MagzzzMagzzz

Date posted: 2y ago

Thank you. I want to believe that for myself but I just can’t forgive myself. It’s so hard to. I should of known then what I know now and I hope that’s not an excuse because I’m a very bluntly honest person. I have a huge heart and I know I’m a good person but I’m scared to death if my past stupid mistakes define me because by no means was I trying to be a bad person and I definitely don’t want to be know. It’s frustrating. I could listen to someone say “Let it go. Stop worrying about it. Stop punishing yourself. The past is in the past” but the ocd just feeds onto that. It makes it worse and fights back with, “well what if I’m this kind of person now. What if I’m “bad”. What if the mistakes I’ve made were too wrong to forgive.” And I go down with dark and deep rabbit hole of depression and self hatred that I can’t get out of. I appreciate your kind words and for helping me. I appreciate that a lot. I hope maybe one day I will be able to get through this once and for all

Username: Some0neSome0ne

Date posted: 2y ago

@Just Breathe ❤️ I’m sorry this is bothering you so much right now. How long has this been bothering you? My brain latches on to things I’ve done in the past and I can’t stop thinking about it which makes it feel so terrible. It’s the OCD that makes everything feel like it’s the end of the world. God I hate it. I usually get tortured by this thought or belief that I did something wrong or made a wrong choice for weeks. But eventually I get exhausted of it and with life events the thought eventually fizzles away... but then eventually a new worry about something I did comes up and bothers me again ugh I hate it. Idk if this is similar to what u r experiencing

Username: MagzzzMagzzz

Date posted: 2y ago

@Noelle! It’s been bothering me for a couple years now. Some days are better than others. It’s bothers me most when I get super triggered or when I’m on my period unfortunately (sorry tmi) but it’s just how it is. I hate it so much. It’s absolute torture. I’ve dealt with false memory but unfortunately this is real event for me. I could deal with intrusive thoughts for days knowing it’s not real. Unfortunately past mistakes are real and they hit deeper than a false memory. I completely understand and you are not alone. OCD likes to attack what we fear most. It also likes to attack what we love most. It’s awful. I can go theme to theme for weeks but it’s the 2 main themes I deal with on the daily and it’s exhausting at this point. I’m so tired

Username: Some0neSome0ne

Date posted: 2y ago

@Just Breathe ❤️ I heard a phrase once that OCD makes a victim feel like they are a villain. Your right it does attack what we care about most which is why it causes so much distress that you do not deserve. Im exhausted since the same thought has been bothering me since late June, I feel like an awful person. It’s so hard to get rid of, today I lost a few hours ruminating over it and idk what tommorow will bring. But I do notice focusing on the present keeps my mind off these thoughts and they do get less severe, and also excepting the fact I can’t figure out an answer for everything. Have you ever spoken to a therapist? They can be helpful

Username: Some0neSome0ne

Date posted: 2y ago

@Noelle! And by therapist I mean an OCD specialist whose certified in real exposure thearpy

Username: MagzzzMagzzz

Date posted: 2y ago

@Noelle! Yes I have a therapist and my first therapist I had knew about it too. They both told me to move on and forgive myself but I don’t know if I can. Ruminating is something I deal with alot and it’s not easy. But I’m trying to do erp for it. It just feels like real event is different. Like I’m the exception and nothing can help me. That I’m different. It’s terrifying. You are not alone though. It’s nice to know that even in the midst of being in a ocd mindset where it feels like no one could ever understand the pain you feel. I do. I know it all too well and my heart goes to anyone feeling this way too

Username: lostsoullostsoul

Date posted: 2y ago

I feel the exact same way

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 2y ago

We are in the same boat. I've made so many mistakes in my life and they all haunt me

Username: MagzzzMagzzz

Date posted: 2y ago

I’m so sorry you are going through this too. You are not alone. I hope you feel better soon 🙏🏻

Username: icanttakeita...

Date posted: 36w ago

I can’t forgive myself

I did something 5-6 years ago when I was barely an adult, and I know it was stupid, but I know I can never take it back, and I hate myself everyday for it. I feel like I can’t move forward in life because I can’t forgive myself and honestly sometimes don’t even want people to see I exist. I haven’t done that same thing in years but I still see myself as a horrible person. How do I move forward. I’ve been in therapy since I was 19 and also have extreme extreme checking ocd and it hasn’t helped but this rumination has been a big problem lately.

Username: regretfulrain

Date posted: 29w ago

How to forgive myself?

My real event went from the age range of 12-17 and since it feels so recent I am struggling to forgive myself and move on. I went into more detail in my other post if you’re curious. The guilt and shame I feel for things I did as a child is ruining my life at this point.

Username: giuseppe

Date posted: 24w ago

I need advice

When I was 12 I made one of the biggest mistake in my entire life. Last night, my brain decided to replay that feeling over and over again to the point of starting to hate myself for it. Now I can't stop thinking that I need to be punished for it, I should never be forgiven and that I am a bad person. My partner should break up with me because I am a bad person and they don't know about it so I don't deserve to be loved at all. I know, however, that I made that mistake a long time ago, that I am a completely different person and that I am a good person now, and that's what matters. But I can't get myself to forgive my past self because if I forgive him, that means I'm a bad person for condoning what I did. Do you have any advice on how to overcome this? Thank you in advance

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