Denial

Same. I've been boy crazy my entire life and I was worried about something else and then all of a sudden, I was wondering if I was gay or if I was bi and I talked to my mother about it and she said to notice the pattern: it is attacking everything you've been so sure about all of your life.

Denial is deep down knowing you are gay and refusing to acknowledge it. If you are asking what if, then it seems like you're confused. OCD does that to you, it makes you doubt something that seemed so sure before.

1. Your not alone 2. The fact that you’re worried about it is the OCD telling you to be worried about it. Gay people aren’t afraid of being gay, they are afraid of being honest about it.

I've heard a lot of videos of people who have gone through this say that you need to accept the thoughts and how they make you feel and not judge them. And there is no way that these thought will "make you turn gay" if you are worried about that, because being gay is something you're born with. Being straight is something your born with.

Honestly, at first I used a lot of reassurance and I thought "who cares if I am?" Even thought I did because I know thats not who I am. I think ultimately I'm just gonna have to accept the thoughts but not judge them. They say that ocd does have a good quality because it can allow you to imagine these things in your mind but not act on them, because you know thats not what you want to do. I also watched some shows to distract myself until it seemed like a smaller problem. I worked on myself and what was important to me. I read some books. But, I realized that I would never be able to concentrate fully on these things if there was always this nagging problem in the back of my head. So I guess you have to confront the problem and know that it can't turn you into someone that you're not.

I know that sounds ridiculous, and it's probably not the answer you want. It wasn't the answer I wanted either, but everybody says that's how you get rid of it. The more you confront it, the less you let it bother you, the more the thoughts will disappear. For me the worst part of the sudden loss of attracted to boys. But I remind myself that ocd is not rational or logical. It plays with your mind.

BTW, I dont know everything about the recovery steps, but I would think in recovery you would be able to feel attraction (just a tiny bit at first) to the sex you prefer. Just not a lot because we need to overcome it completely. Like I said, I don't know about recovery much, but I might look into it.

It's okay. I get it, it's a terrible thing to go through. I wish I could go back to the way I was, but I will be that way again, I just gotta work through this.

If you are thinking "what if" then you are not in denial.

I’ve been straight all my life and i started getting intrusive thoughts and they started. They didn’t start of as “what if” it was “I’m i” and i was panicking and the thought didn’t go away

The only times I was even remotely attracted to 2 girls was when when they reminded me of guys. But really I just admired their personality.

But I wasn't judging myself when that happened, so I didn't worry about it back then.

Well not really. Just that usually as you grow older you unknowingly develop your sexual orientation based on what you like. You don't think about it, you just do it because it's part of who you are. OCD doesn't change who you are, it just makes you believe it can.

But it makes things seem so real

But it just came randomly

Starting of this summer

And they just started coming on and on and made it seem real

I know. It was like that for me, I was worried about something else and about to give in and all of a sudden it just floated through my mind and I thought "thats ridiculousness" but my anxiety latched onto it, like it wants to hurt me. And it does seem so real, doesn't it? But I just try to remember all of the things I felt with boys before and that was actually real because I was happy there and accepted it. It felt natural, because that was me. Everybody says you have to be okay with uncertainty, but to me, it is certain. I've always been straight and just because I'm feeling these things and my mind is saying that I'm not doesn't mean my mind is right.

Please sorry to disturb you. Can you give me any advice to stop them Bcs the “maybe and maybe not”method makes me feel like I’m accepting to be gay and i don’t want to.

When you had the thoughts did you lose attraction to the other gender?

Alright thank you

I did have immediate loss of attraction to the opposite sex. That was one sign that I was going through ocd, because if I were truly gay, I would think i'd know that from childhood because that's when crushes start. And I would think if I was bisexual, I wouldn't just be attracted to girls and not guys.

No problem :)

Any update on how this went? I am feeling similarly