How do you go about reframing thoughts around how much life and time has been wasted because of ocd. I hate that ocd has stolen so much of my joy
What a great question. I understand this 100% sometimes i feel resentment about this too and it's hard to reframe it. i think it's okay to feel mad about it sometimes. I noticed It's much easier to reframe after I've gotten some treatment and am starting to feel better. On reframing: I think having OCD has led me to have a deeper relationship with others than i might have otherwise had. Due to suffering, I have learned to become more open with others, more empathetic, more authentic, more connected with people. People seeing me be vulnerable then often open up about their vulnerabilities. Also I got to see very clearly who were the helpers and friends in my life -- the people who really cared about me and really loved me. I also learned through OCD about tolerating discomfort and pain-- something all of us (with or without ocd) will benefit from knowing. I learned there can be joy or peace in the midst of pain. I have periodically experienced this myself too. Also, I think some of my worst suffering has resulted in a gratitude that I might never have had. For example, when I was discharged from the psychiatric hospital, the experience of finally having a warm shower in my own place, having the freedom to just go where i wanted when i wanted, seeing friends again, dancing, sitting out in the fall breeze, was an entirely different and deeper experience. The simple was not mundane. It was powerful and beautiful. I remember crying a lot of happy tears over getting to do really basic stuff. Also i think when i got treatment, i started to see the world for what it really is, in all it's probability and complexity. I am letting go more and more each day with the 100% absolute certainty and black-and-white mindset that ensnares all people to some degree. Thanks for asking this question. It helped me to reflect on my own reframing!
I feel for you in this moment. In the depths of OCD, it can make you feel so guilty, so sad, so isolated, and so hopeless at times. I want you to know that there is *so* much hope for to recover and to live a life where you don't feel this way. I know it's hard to see it now or believe that it's true, but OCD is very responsive to treatment. Have you checked out some of the free tools we have on the app? Maybe some of our educational webinars? I know we have talked a lot there about guilt, shame, etc., and I think some of that might be helpful. It might also be helpful to check out our support groups just to know you're not alone. Wishing you the best of luck and the NOCD team is here for you if you are ever ready to take the step with therapy!
Thank you so much Stacy!
This response was so thoughtful and made me cry. I really appreciate this reflective insight. Thank you. You’re so right. I have one of my best friends because of my OCD, as we might on a Facebook forum about ocd.. and I have also learned a lot along the way too that I wouldn’t have otherwise.
Thank you for sharing and taking the time to write that. I think it’ll help a lot of people.
In hindsight:: I’m so glad for the ocd and the tips that it has given me. I’m so much better even than before I had my ocd.
Yes this is often the source of my pain and my continued journey. I find myself reflecting and hurting but then I remember I'm doing it again and that's wasting more time.
The things that used to make me happy? The things that used to make me sad? I don't know how to connect with those anymore. I used to be happy just looking at the sunset and nature, I loved being present in the moment but now being present in the moment is scary because now I'm faced with my thoughts and new potential ones so I'd rather distract myself. I love kballads and I used to listen to them and just cry and be happy because they sound so beautiful but now I can't embrace these things that feel like beauty because I feel like the exact opposite. The only things I can enjoy are K-drama's! But I can't watch things with kids in it. So yah that's tricky! And the things that make me sad?! Well I used to be sad and terrified about loosing my loved ones but now it's a different kind of sad. I used to be sad because of miss them and all that but now I'm scared of facing now messed up my emotions have become. I'm scared of loosing someone I love and then not being able to feel sad because I'm just numb, or even worse...if it becomes something I'm okay with or what if OCD convinces me that I'm happy about it because honestly it would be weird moving around the world with such emotions. So not only has OCD made it hard for me to enjoy the good things but also hard for me to feel sad about the sad things or just to put it short...to experience emotions normally.
I dont know what to do anymore. I think Ive had the 'pure O' version of OCD for more than ten years. I feel like so much of my life has been wasted from this disease. For the longest time I just tried to ignore the intrusive thoughts, and push them off as anxiety, and basically dissociated for years of my life. Feels like Ive just been on autopilot and a shell of myself for nearly 15 years. Its actually hard to even imagine of all the experiences, emotions, connections with others, and personal growth that Ive missed out on- if I do, I think it would be too much to handle. I think Ive even forgot and dont even know at this point what it is to live a normal life and experience positive emotions. Now that I sought treatment for it specifically, it feels like it's gotten worse. Like by acknowledging that part of myself, suddenly added focus just makes it more real and in the forefront now. I wonder if I am actually going insane. Will not go into details for reassurance but the thoughts just rip my soul out. Its so difficult as well because I will get random 'clarity moments' throughout the day where I feel like Ive solved something, then get completely derailed by another OCD thought stream and forget everything. It feels like Im just on a merry-go-round of hell, not going anywhere thinking I am at times.
I know everything im dealing with is OCD. I have accepted that, but I just feel down. I don’t want to live the rest of my life like this. I just want to be free from this horrible illness. Any positive stories and recovery journeys will help. What did recovery look like for you? I used to be so happy, I miss it so much. This feels like it’s taken everything from me. How do you just live your life despite how you feel? Any hope will help!
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