In a desperate place/any helpful thoughts or advice welcomed.

Hello everyone! I have been through a whirlwind of mental health struggles but OCD feels like it might be “running the show” and I didn’t know if anyone else could relate The first time I got told I was struggling with ocd was by a therapist only a few months ago who said I “fall under the cloud of harm ocd” This lead me to a downward spiral because I had never had a mental health diagnosis before and I was so scared right away that nobody would believe me or help me. I feel like my life has been so out of control over the last few months. I’m dealing with some other things such as big life changes and identity crisis (fresh out of college, no longer a student athlete, came out to my family). I had to leave my first job as an icu nurse for the immense distress it caused me as i was working day/night rotating shifts and being triggered unknowingly to some trauma that I didn’t even know I was holding onto. I now experience heavy mood swings and dissociation at times related to ptsd and I feel like life just isn’t the same. I’m in such a tough spot because I seem to have a fear of being misdiagnosed/improperly treated, a fear of taking meds, a fear of unintentionally harming myself, and my needs for safety reassurance are so strong that I’m back home with my parents and scared to do anything. I’m a nurse as well so I know way too much about the meds and side effects. At the end of the day, the logical part of my brain wants meds to help me , but the fear or starting meds, the side effects, and the trial and error of them not knowing what will work leaves me stuck and feeling hopeless. I always end up thinking that I could just feel better if I jumped back into my normal busy life, but when I do so and get triggered (ocd or ptsd) I am left hopeless and begging my parents to get me on meds. Each appointment though leads to significant anxiety and like I have to say every single detail , which ends in me getting frustrated and confused not wanting to take meds after all because i don’t think they have the full picture. I had a bad experience with Zoloft bringing out manic symptoms when I first started it. It was terrifying. I’ve been switching provider to provider trying to find someone I trust, but in the mean time my anxiety is worsening and I feel more confused of what my symptoms really are in the first place. I have Xanax that I can take 3x daily but I don’t like feeling like I’m going to get addicted to it if I keep taking it and avoid getting on long term meds. I don’t trust any doctors and I feel the need to tell them every single little detail which I feel like leads to further frustration and maybe even impaired treatment plans. I’m sorry if this is a lot but I’m really struggling and needing some support and guidance 😭

Hey everyone, I’m really struggling right now. Here’s a little backstory. I’ve had extreme OCD since I was 10. I’m 18 now and for the last year I’ve had crippling health anxiety. The first 6-months of my health anxiety was all physical health related like heart attack’s, cancer, tumors, ect. I probably went to the emergencies 10 times and I had 14 EKGS done, 3 Ct scans and a mri. I would go to the er because I was convinced I was having a heart attack at 18. Eventually I got over my physical health anxiety and haven’t been to the emergencies in 6 months. Sadly things have been much, much worse. Now my worries are purely mental health related. I switch between schizophrenia, bipolar and borderline personality disorder, and Dissociative Identity Disorder. Ive been sure that I have every one of these at one point or another. Some nights I’ll be sure I have schizophrenia or someone nights I’ll be worried about bi polar. I was prescribed lexapro a year ago but can never get myself to take it for more that a week. I’m suffering so bad, whenever I try to take medicine I get convinced I’m in mania and end up stopping the medicine. I want to take the medicine, but I get so scared that I’ll go into mania and loose my job and my girlfriend.But I need medicine, I spend hours at night researching mental health conditions. But I’m also a health freak and am into dieting and exercising and I try to tell myself that supplements and a large dose of cbd oil will do the trick that lexapro does. I’ve laid down on my floor convinced that I’m going to go into phycosis. l started experiencing dissociation, which made me start worrying I have DID. Im in a constant cycle of pain. I just want to feel better again. I can’t even go to to public highschool anymore. My senior year was ruined by my ocd. Every day I wake up fully convinced I will go insane. Deep down I know I won’t but I just can’t stop thinking it. Im begging for anyone to give me advice, or atleast for someone to talk to about it. My insta is Triston_keifer if anyone can give me some advice.

I feel so overwhelmingly lonely. I have been lonely my whole life, and I feel like I can’t talk to anyone about it. I feel like a burden to my family and my friends and I feel like they all secretly hate me. I’ve been through a lot of really traumatic things over the last 18 months (abusive relationship/ stuck living with an ex/ finishing my degree/ family problems/ eating problems and of course having OCD doesnt help) and I felt so alone. I still haven’t been able to talk to people about the extent of it because I don’t know how. I have tried counselling but I just felt like my counsellor was very dismissive. Ive tried talking to one of my friends and she told me it was worrying her/ not to do it again. It was all manageable before I came off my medication, but I just can’t go back on it again because it made me gain so much weight. I really don’t know what to do. I’ve tried reaching out to old friends, making new ones, dating, herbal remedies, therapy, gym, moving house. Nothing is working. I feel like the only option is going back on my medication but I really don’t want to do that. Does anyone have any advice?