Kind of having a hard time today . Keep getting thought about something called disassocitive identity disorder , I saw it in a tv show called bates motel awhile ago . My brain keeps telling me that I will get it . It keeps comparing to the time I kept feeling like a boy . And I’m scared that One day I will turn into a different person and all this other non sense it basically telling me I will completely lose myself and go insane or crazy . Trying not react with fear but it’s getting to me a little bit and it’s causing me serious depression while I’m at work . Keep thinking about how I problem won’t make it past 20 years old . It keeps saying that I have no hope in getting better and I will kill myself soon . I also keep getting thoughts about how I feel so alone and how I have no family or friend support I’ve told them I have ocd and sometimes they talk to me about it but most of the time they tell me that I’m being stupid or just disregard it all together . I don’t wanna put my problems on other people so I try to not take it to heart but it really makes me feel like nobody cares . And I feel like if my mental illness was to ever become even more serious than it already is nobody will help me . Not even my family . I will probably end up being neglected and die alone . I can’t take this . I’m at work and I can barley focus. I just don’t know what to do .

I came across a video that was talking about a theory and it was something me and my friend were talking about 2 years ago and were tweaking about and i was explaining it to my girlfriend just now and them i started to get anxiety about stuff not being real and my world isn’t what it seems to be and that there stuff out there and then i started to have religious OCD and then it went to how Im scared of the world being fake or suffering from a mental illness like schizophrenia or something and stuff and I’ve been having OCD about my girlfriend being a government agent or that government agents are watching me cause I’m scared of schizophrenia and thinking like them i don’t think i actually think it i kinda just go to my girlfriend isn’t a government agent which scares me into thinking i was thinking she was or gonna think she is or idk if i just saying that to bot seem insane or something but like idk if i truly believe that i doubt it i don’t believe it any other time and then i started getting stress i might hurt or maybe kill her and it scares me cause shes my everything and I’m scared of losing her idk guys I’m getting stressed hella and I’m scared of myself and my OCD I’m genuinely tired of it like anyone can ask my girlfriend and she’ll say i cant go 5 mins without ticcing (from ocd) or asking for reassurance like that life is real and thats shes real and I’m real and nothings wrongs and stuff, i probably sounds crazy lmaoo maybe and the sucky thing is i don’t have a therapist or a thingy going on for me cause i don’t have a job and or insurance let alone.

My ocd has been flaring up lately I’ve noticed some things that I don’t know if it’s ocd or something else whenever I seen someone like drugged or sick or just not “normal” I feel like or get scared that’s gonna end up being me? Does that make sense or then after a few minutes I feel like I’m them I don’t know exactly how to explain it I feel like I’m gonna start acting crazy or like I act weird or like them ? Idk exactly how to explain it and I have such a drop in my stomach thinking of it because it makes me feel insane, I haven’t had such an ocd episode so it’s getting hard again and making me feel insane specially because I don’t know how to explain this that I feel, I feel so scared rn can someone please comment on this?

i’m trying to not let the thoughts bother me but it’s just so stressful. even me typing that feels like i’m lying when i know i’m not. i’m scared because even my therapist tells me that it’s just ocd, but in the back of my mind i slightly don’t believe her, and its making me scared that i AM like those people and im gonna act on something. sometimes in social moments i get a quick thought of me being an outcast because im like those people who are sick in the head and act on that stuff, and it just makes me feel like i truly am gonna eventually act on something. another thing that bothered me is earlier my mom yelled at me for not doing school work (it was well deserved im really slacking on it) and i had like no reaction to her screaming. it had me thinking what if i have no empathy etc etc, and what if i get mad that she yelled at me and i do something involving those thoughts. how do i TRULY know it’s ocd? like i try to remind myself and be like “dude, your therapist said it’s ocd, she isn’t wrong” but the back of my mind is like “she is wrong, it’s not ocd and she just happened to misdiagnose you. you are gonna act on those thoughts and it’s your fate”. please someone respond if you read all of this, im really struggling