Kind of having a hard time today . Keep getting thought about something called disassocitive identity disorder , I saw it in a tv show called bates motel awhile ago . My brain keeps telling me that I will get it . It keeps comparing to the time I kept feeling like a boy . And I’m scared that One day I will turn into a different person and all this other non sense it basically telling me I will completely lose myself and go insane or crazy . Trying not react with fear but it’s getting to me a little bit and it’s causing me serious depression while I’m at work . Keep thinking about how I problem won’t make it past 20 years old . It keeps saying that I have no hope in getting better and I will kill myself soon . I also keep getting thoughts about how I feel so alone and how I have no family or friend support I’ve told them I have ocd and sometimes they talk to me about it but most of the time they tell me that I’m being stupid or just disregard it all together . I don’t wanna put my problems on other people so I try to not take it to heart but it really makes me feel like nobody cares . And I feel like if my mental illness was to ever become even more serious than it already is nobody will help me . Not even my family . I will probably end up being neglected and die alone . I can’t take this . I’m at work and I can barley focus. I just don’t know what to do .

Sometimes I feel as if I want to act on these thoughts and I will one day because I won’t be able to handle my thoughts and I’ll go insane and hurt myself. right now I feel a lot of pressure in my head and stress and anxiety along with some depression because I can’t seem to find the fun in things anymore also any type of semi stressful situation I go through on a day to day basis is 10x worse after getting this thought I’ve been dealing with this thought that I might not be able to handle my ocd thoughts and compulsions for years and years to come and one day I’ll snap and the last few days I’ve been feeling so down that I’m scared that I’ll act on them and I’ve had this thought for about two weeks now and before that I use to be fine i don’t know what happened I really just want to go back to how I was feeling two weeks ago I honestly don’t know why I got this thought and why it’s stuck in my head now and I can’t seem to shake it off I feel like walls are just crumbling in on me slowly and I can’t seem to get out of it I just keep wishing I went back to my normal self literally two 2-3 weeks ago I just don’t know what might have happened I know I was dealing with a great amount of stress before I got this thought so maybe it was building up to this one thought that I had two weeks ago. I usually am able to shake some of my ocd thoughts off and disregard them and continue about my day but this one thought got me into a hyperventilating state when I got it two weeks ago and it caused me to panic so much because it was such a bad thought that I can’t get rid of it now i feel as if I’m in a episode and Ill never get out of it and I’ll be stuck like this forever and I can’t feel like this because how should any human feel this type of way forever it’s impossible and then I might snap one day because I can’t take it anymore it just scares me I want to go back to my old self a few weeks ago

My coworkers just busted out a loud and open discussion of Jeffery Dahmer. Talking about how he murdered, tortured, and ate people. And how he had some sort of mental health condition. I literally cannot take it anymore. I just came in the bathroom and started to cry. Im so scared of being like him. I can’t even enjoy anything anymore. Usually work is my safe space because I’m surrounded by lots of people, but now they keep bringing this topic up as a discussion. I’ve felt relatively good all day and then this happened. Like I’m so scared i don’t even know who i am anymore. What if i have the same condition that he did? What if i end up like him? What if I’m the next him? I think I’m crying because I’m scared but what if I’m making myself fake cry because i am a bad person. I keep saying that I’m scared but what if I’m not. I keep saying i would never want to be like him but with if i do want it. I cannot escape this maze that I’m in. I finally felt okay this morning and now i don’t know what to feel. I feel like I’m in distress but am i really? Please help. Does anyone else feel like this? Why did this happen to me? I was so happy literally 8 weeks ago. How does this just happen

I’m so sick of my mind it’s so cruel, I want to feel happy again I’m so over this. The past 3 weeks I have been stressing over multiple things/mental issues. At first I remember I saw a video about someone saying if u see shadows you have schizophrenia and I didn’t see shadows but I went into a freak out and started searching around looking if I saw anything of course I didn’t but this led me to feel paranoid and not leave my room sitting and crying in bed, then I worried about how I saw a video on the internet about how some people go mental over the fact the world might not exist and everyone might be a figment of our imagination so I went into a spiral and started questioning everything, once again stayed in my room crying. Then I worried about harm ocd since I had a scary dream and I thought omg what if I wanna do those things and my mind tries to think about bad peoples perspectives and of course I felt grossed out and thought omg I must be insane, and now then I worried about DID ( dissociative identity disorder ) and now I’m convincing myself I have evil alters when I don’t even hear voices or anything. I feel insane, I’ve also got depersonalisation to add to that which makes it worse. I’m so over it I’m sick of everyone saying I’m going to get better because I don’t feel like I will it’s just getting worse I’m only young and I had so many things I was looking too this year but I feel like my mind just wants me to be miserable. I want to be happy. I’ve been taking Effexor for 2 days now and I feel worse, that may be normal but the intrusive thoughts keep coming and they are scarier. Im sick of being paranoid it’s annoying my family now and I feel bad because I also want to happy for them and not cause them stress but I have no idea what to do. Is this normal with ocd or am I going insane?