How do we know what’s reassurance and what’s not?

And why is reassurance so bad, like not related to ocd things? I’m reaching out to my ex because he was such a stable force in my life and we’re still friends and I just want his kind words and affirmations. And support. But my head is telling me it’s wrong because it’s looking for reassurance. I feel so confused and like ocd has so many ‘rules’ we have to abide by :( it feels like im in trouble for asking for help sometimes. I just feel so confused

Username: Anonymous

Date posted: 86d ago

How is seeking kind words actually “reassurance”? Does he confirm something to you that you actually already know, or is he just making you feel better about yourself.

Username: rathernot

Date posted: 86d ago

@Anonymous I don’t even know. I guess I feel like everything is reassurance anymore I don’t understand the difference. I had a therapist tell me if I told myself ‘it’s okay things will get better’ that was a compulsion so I’m just very confused!! What’s your take on it?

Username: moonjoy

Date posted: 86d ago

@Anonymous reassurance is not a bad thing. reassurance becomes a bad thing or a compulsion when you USE that and NEED it in order to feel good about yourself , to stop overthinking, to relieve or get rid of certain thoughts etc . lets say, for example, you would like some reassurance of a decision you made . thats fine. but if you notice that you often ask for reassurance before making decisions or if you find that w/o that reassurance you feel really sad, worried, depressed etc then that’s when i say its a bad habit or compulsion

Username: moonjoy

Date posted: 86d ago

@Anonymous sorry i meant to tag the person who made this post, not you

Username: moonjoy

Date posted: 86d ago

@rathernot i meant to tag you in that ^

Username: blazed

Date posted: 86d ago

Idk I don’t think asking for some encouragement is reassurance seeking. Reassurance seeking is when you try to find an answer about something that makes you worried/doubtful, in order to alleviate any anxiety or discomfort you’re experiencing. On the other hand, wanting support is having someone there to help you through the process, while you still have those feelings of anxiety. They won’t try to stop your anxiety from happening, they’ll make you feel less alone and motivate you instead. If that makes any sense.