Please help ):

Basically when my ex fling thoughts started happening, they were subtle, (this was also last year) his name would pop into my head and I would think about the past or whatever and I would always wonder “why the hell am I thinking about this guy?“ and then I’d get the urge to ask my friends “would you guys ever go back to a guy who treated you poorly?“ bc I feel like that was what my mind was getting at. I never ended up asking bc I already knew the answer and I thought my mind was being stupid. I don’t remember if I felt anxiety towards it which gives me anxiety thinking about it now. Anyways, fast forward to the night I was out w my friends, I saw my ex fling at the bar, I ended up talking to him bc he was asking me about life. I later on proceeded to tell him that he kept coming up in my mind and idk why, I think I was trying to figure out why bc it was bothering me, and he gave me his two cents of “I fucked up, but you’re too good for me” speech. And that was that, I left the conversation unsatisfied , bc I’m guessing ocd is never satisfied and I never really thought of that convo again. UNTIL LAST NIGHT, my brain was like “did you have that “closure” conversation w him because you wanted to get back together with him?” And now I can’t stop thinking about it, it’s making me feel like that was the reason why and I feel god awful, and guilty. Idek the reason why I did it but I know I regret even talking to him and it had something to do w OCD bc literally after talking to him I went to my friend and asked her if she still thinks about ex flings even tho she’s in a relationship. I’m scared bc it’s making me feel like that’s why I seeked out for ‘closure,’ and it’s scaring me even more bc I don’t know if it was OCD related or not considering I don’t remember being anxious about it. I just want to be with my bf, and I see him tmrw finally after not being able to see him after a month and I don’t want to be thinking about this shit.

Relationship OCD

taan

Date posted: 2y ago

i am rooting for you. i understand completely where you are coming from when these intrusive thoughts are extremely loud. i hope you feel better. sometimes telling myself “hm, ok thoughts i see you.. but i am going to hangout with my boyfriend now and i’ll see if i still want to engage with you” will help me.

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 16w ago

Pls I need advice

I’ve had so many moments of clarity with my OCD that I love my boyfriend and I’m beyond willing to go through this to be better and be with him. in the back of mind I’ve in a way known I was at least somewhat sexually attracted to women (I’m a woman) since the start of the ocd it was always like “okay. Fine, but I don’t want to date a girl” I only just realized this after the ocd started, I never really argued with this. my ocd has always revolved around if I’m romantically interested in women and not men. I’ve done so many compulsions through this year and a half and 9 times out of 10 have come to the conclusion that I don’t want to be with a woman romantically. I always end up feeling like I know I love my boyfriend. But the doubts don’t stop about whether I want to spend my life with a woman instead, my heart literally breaks to think of not being with my bf and imagining him with someone else. I don’t want to be with a woman I know deep down somewhere underneath the anxiety that that’s not what I want. It doesn’t feel natural for me, unfulfilling. I want to tell my boyfriend about the possible sexual attraction to women (ik it’s still ocd related) but I’m scared that once I tell him, I’ll realize that I actually do want to be with women and not with him. Ugh I’ve spent hours today ruminating about this after being solid in my commitment with him for a little while, I’m stuck in this loop and idk how to get out right now

Mika05

Date posted: 15w ago

Worried about not being anxious?

These past few days I was fine. Minimal intrusive thoughts ,no anxiety etc(to add I'm on medication so maybe it's starting to work although it barely is 2 weeks) and today I got a sudden wave of anxiety and it started latching on some thoughts like" what if I'm in denial and I wanna break up with my bf? And what if erp doesn't work for me because I actually wanna break up with my bf?" But they didn't really stay long usually those thoughts would make me spiral for days or so, now they lasted for some hours. And now I'm trying to trigger myself into being anxious again because if I don't it means I don't have ocd and if I don't have ocd it means I don't love my bf and if I don't love my bf it means I have to break up. Idk if it makes sense but the lack of anxiety makes me wonder if I actually have ocd or not.

misereri

Date posted: 11w ago

Someone to talk to?please?

Hi, I'm 17,about to be 18. I've been struggling with these thoughts for the past 8 months. I was wondering if someone experienced ever the same because I feel im "different". BACKGROUND: (I'm not diagnosed with Ocd but seeing a local counselor) About 9 months ago I cheated on my boyfriend with this guy S (who blackmailed, manipulated and molested me). Since then when I realized that what i did was very WRONG and so I started ruminating picking apart every single interaction and telling my boyfriend, i tried to remember every single detail because otherwise I felt like i was being a fraud and hiding things to save myself, i had many crisis about it because I had also what i think was false memory ocd. My boyfriend forgave me idk how tbh I still wonder. CURRENT STRUGGLE: Months ago I was sure I didn't wanna S in any way and i was sure even when everything happened. For the past 2 months tho I've been having thoughts like " Do I love S?" "I love S" "S is hot" "Would S find me hot?" "What if I want S?" " What if I don't love my boyfriend enough?" "What if I secretly want S?" "What if I see my boyfriend as a friend only?Do I?" And I tried testing my reaction to intimate scenarios with S, I'm scared I like it i dont really wanna love S or have any secret attraction, I wish I didn't have any of this and I want to be sure of my feelings for my boyfriend because I know I wanna be with him and I see a future with him like he brings me comfort. But a part of me keeps trying to convince me otherwise. Sometimes I think I'd rather die than have these thoughts. Im so scared of not being able to control my feelings, im scared I can't resist S and its giving me anxiety and making me cry. Sometimes when i think of those sexual scenarios with S or I get those thoughts my mind tells me to smile because i like it because I find it funny. It makes me doubt myself all over again. Like I'm always like I need to test if I'd feel aroused to intimate scenarios with S, lately im trying to fight this urge to test and test but my mind is like "just do it this once so you can be sure. I can never watch anything romantic or sexual or whatever because my mind would be like "you and S" or sometimes I'm just enjoying time with my bf and im like " yes we can just have a sneaky cheating thing thats ok" and it makes me want to figure it out to find an answer a solution because idk it just does like I need to find the meaning of it if it means the truth and all. Im worried im just an awful person and these thoughts just ruin my quality of life . Today i had a crisis where i ended up doinf swlf harm, I'm so scared of finding someone that's not my boyfriend desirable or sexual appealing or whatever it is, I also have bodily reactions when I try to imagine and test my reaction to scenarios. Now i keep groing everytime and I dont know why but i have this sensation and I dont want to havebit especially when its something S related. Does someone experience the same thoughts? Am I alone in this? Is this ROCD? What should i do?

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