Don't know what's me or not anymore

I'm so fucken sad. I feel this pit in my stomach everytime the content comes in. I'm so scared because today I did an exposure that triggered the hell out of me! I feel like there's so much evidence against for why my orientation is a lie and that I couldn't be with any man ever again. I love my BF, he's my best friend and I love him 💗 I'm super scared to be forced to give all that up. This beautiful life that we've planned out. I don't mind being bi or pan or whatever, I just want to be able to be with a man. I've always sought them out for protection, love and comfort.