Mental Arguments/Contradictory Thoughts Leading to Doubt

Does anyone else experience arguments in their head when it comes to their thoughts? I find that I'm constantly going back and forth when I have compulsions, where two sides of my brain will argue with each other. I may argue "logically" against the fears I may have, but then I'll remember some past event or something I've done in the past that will lead me to believe otherwise. It's a chaotic cycle I'm trying to deal with, but I'm wondering if anyone else has experienced this/has ideas pertaining to getting out of it? It really messes with my head after a while, because I feel like the side of my brain that is telling me I'm a bad person almost always wins. Every time I try to reassure myself by addressing the fact that my thoughts are unwanted and irrational, I feel like more rational proof of me being a terrible person comes rushing into my head.

Username: ecrooksecrooks

Date posted: 1y ago

I literally argue constantly. I’m coming to understand through therapy that it’s just another function/form of rumination. It’s really really really hard for me not to ruminate, but my therapist has told me again and again that the intrusive thoughts are automatic, but the rumination is not, it is a choice and I have to actively avoid doing it by leaning into the uncertainty. Therapy has been such a huge help for this because it was hard for me to see those mental arguments as a compulsion. I’m sorry you’re struggling with that, it’s really hard, I feel like every day is a battle with my brain, and I absolutely relate to what you’re describing, down to the proof of being a terrible person.

Username: love_fnvlove_fnv

Date posted: 1y ago

Thank you. One thing I struggle with especially is the aspect you described of "leaning into" the uncertainty, because of the severity of the fear. I worry that accepting I may be an awful person will prevent me from being able to interact with people. Do you just acknowledge your thoughts, or do you try to accept them as true/possible?

Username: ecrooksecrooks

Date posted: 1y ago

@love_fnv It is really really hard. I also feel like if I accept the idea that I’m “not a good person”, how can I continue to live normally? Like, without that base, I don’t know what to do with myself. Basically, what my therapist tells me is that I have to acknowledge the thought, and then feel the feelings of discomfort and uncertainty without engaging in compulsions like rumination to try and determine if they are true or not, so I’m also accepting that it is possible that I am a terrible, horrible, very bad, no good person. Sometimes it is soooo excruciating, and some days I can just say yeah, maybe I am. Maybe not. Something that helps sometimes is replacing the “what if”, with “even if”- so, instead of “what if I’m a bad person,” it’s “even if I’m a bad person.. I still have to do the dishes. I still have to walk the dogs. I still have to feed the baby.” That can help me get through the initial discomfort and help me avoid compulsions. It gets easier with practice, but it’s just accepting that we have to keep living our lives according to our values and accept that the past and the future are uncertain and out of our control. I hope that helps, I’m still struggling a lot myself with this theme, so I just really relate and I can’t say again how much therapy helps if that’s an option for you!

Username: love_fnvlove_fnv

Date posted: 1y ago

@ecrooks - That makes a lot of sense, thank you again. I am hoping therapy will be an option for me soon, though I think my fears are elevated due to the fact that I am not sure if I really have OCD. I've thought it to be true for a couple years, and the ways in which my anxiety has affected me and the different fears I've had have changed, but there is still that underlying fear that if it turns out I don't have OCD, then I truly am terrible. If I don't have it, I would just be beyond repair, and a truly sick person. At the same time, I'm not currently freaking out about it because I'm just trying to accept the fact that it is more than likely that I do, and acknowledging that the thoughts in my head exist without trying to "debunk" the worries I have.

Username: ecrooksecrooks

Date posted: 1y ago

Ah man, I can’t even describe how well I understand. I have been struggling with my real event OCD for a couple of years now, and it never really occurred to me that I could have OCD until I stumbled upon something on Instagram about it.I was super scared to make an appointment as well for the exact same reason- I was so scared I would be told nope, not OCD! And then I would have proof that I’m just a bad person! But OCD is the doubting disorder- it makes us doubt even our own diagnosis! Just know whether you are diagnosed or not, you can handle it. Even after you get your diagnosis, if you do, OCD will probably say, “What if the therapist just made a mistake and you don’t actually have OCD?” That’s why the ultimate goal is to learn to sit with the doubt and not feed the OCD, because no amount of rumination, reassurance, etc. Will ever be enough to prove the OCD wrong! It will find a new thing, or dig up an old thing, on and on and on. It sounds like you’re on the right track though! And you’re certainly not alone ❤️

Username: love_fnvlove_fnv

Date posted: 1y ago

Thank you, I like to think I'm on the right path as well, even though I only started experiencing compulsions again a few weeks ago. All the "evidence" my brain is bringing up feels so real. But I am hoping to soon get therapy specifically for OCD and get a diagnosis.

Username: Ilovedylan20@Ilovedylan20@

Date posted: 1y ago

@love_fnv I completely understand what you mean by "evidence". Our brains almost make stuff up to support against us

Username: love_fnvlove_fnv

Date posted: 1y ago

@Ilovedylan20@ - Well, I think most of it is based on real events. But some of them are from a long time ago, so it's difficult for me to tell what my thoughts or motives were in those certain situations.

Username: Meg JohnsonMeg Johnson

Date posted: 1y ago

Mostly it's my brain bringing up a past events and saying it means something while I try to use logic against it. Because if it didn't mean anything then, how could it now? But my mind never buys it.

Username: Ilovedylan20@Ilovedylan20@

Date posted: 1y ago

This is me!! And then it just leads to a world of chaos in my brain

Username: love_fnvlove_fnv

Date posted: 1y ago

Yeah, the chaos is quite tiring.

Username: Heal36

Date posted: 6y ago

Anyone who deals with Pure O, have a negative thought come into your head and you spend hours justifying in your head why that thought is wrong? Any suggestions what to do in this situation. For example, someone pointed out a minor mistake I made and I spend the next few hours in my mind trying to justify why she is wrong or why it doesn't matter what she said. I hope you understand what I'm trying to explain. Hard to put this stuff into words.

Username: JennyJ

Date posted: 5y ago

Hey guys. I have a doubt (well thousands of them actually haha). Either way, I was wondering if anyone could help me with this: how should I feel about my intrusive thoughts? If I argue with them and reassure me I feel better about them (which doesn't last long), if I agree with them then it doesn't feel right, and I hate myself. I can't seem to find balance or a neutral position. Any tips?

Username: Clementine

Date posted: 2y ago

Compulsions

I keep finding myself almost automatically checking or trying to disprove my intrusive thoughts before I even get chance to agree or ignore them. Does anyone have an advice on this?

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Mental Arguments/Contradictory Thoughts Leading to Doubt

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