All day every day I reassure myself that I want to be an androgynous girl, I look up androgynous girls and I make myself look at them and want to be them, I look into my past to times I was jealous of being an androgynous girl, I try to prove to myself that I don’t wanna be a man every day, etc. I do this even when I don’t have an intrusive thought that provoked it…
Maybe you're just used to doing compulsions and they became a habit. Compulsions don't necessarily take place after a intrusive thought.
Hi constant reassurance is a compulsion and compulsions keep us stuck in the OCD cycle. It’s easy to get tangled up with the content/ subject matter, but OCD is truly about dealing with uncertainty. Allow the uncertainty to be there, without doing anything about it. I know it’s difficult, it takes practice. Have you reached out for therapy? I used to get stuck in this reassurance cycle too. Therapy gave me the tools to leave these compulsions behind.
@VGH I reached out to my parents and I’m going to the doctors next Friday.
That’s great news! Hopefully, the doctor you are going to knows about OCD and ERP (exposure response prevention) as opposed to “talk therapy”. ERP is the most effective and science backed treatment for OCD. I’m so happy for you❤️. It’s hard dealing with OCD, but you don’t have to live with it. All the best!
When an intrusive thought comes I can’t just say “that’s not true” and just move on. I always feel like I have to disprove the thought and be able to say it with confidence but the problem is that the ocd doesn’t allow me to feel and say it with confidence so I get stuck for hours or even days. How can I stop feeling like I need to do this?
Sorry long post. Anyone feel like now they’re just in extreme denial. Like when I was little I noticed guys more than girls in movies and was more drawn to them. I remember changing my mindset to switch that. 98%of my life has been straight until recently. I felt drawn to some guys but never thought of it sexually. Always had girl crushes dreams and porn. Now I watch porn and I feel like straight takes longer and then I go and watch gay porn and feel nothing until I tell myself it’s two attractive dudes and love is love and imagine physical sensations and then it hits like suddenly. Like I have to convince myself it’s alright. Then when I try again I can do all that but feel nothing and then straight porn works. Idk if it’s just getting a fix or the first time works with anything or what but it’s confusing. On top of that I’ve felt girl relationships including my wife maybe miss something and a guy maybe matches that feeling that but then I feel like I’d be missing something without a girl or my wife. Idk I’ve had some rough times in life with male figures in my life but idk. I feel like I have to convince myself more and more that I’m straight even more than the first time I dealt with this. Can someone relate? Please
I’ve completely lost myself. I can’t focus on my studies, I can’t go to the gym. Dang it I can’t even be around my male friends normally anymore. I got no idea why or how this happened but the only thing I know for sure is that I never questioned my sexuality neither doubted it. I never cared in general. I just liked girls. I keep testing and keep testing and keep testing my arousal but no matter how many times I see but I don’t feel the same way for guys that I do with girls my mind will always try to make me believe that I am gay. It’s like it’s forcing me into an identity I never asked for. But at the end of the day like my psychologist told me. Sexuality doesn’t change. So since I never felt anything for guys in my life it’s ocd. I’ve been up and down for 5 months now and while the last week I was feeling way better. Monday now and I’m back to zero. I just want to go back when everything was normal. I can’t keep living with this.
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