Ugh I can make myself suicidal in like 3-4 mins. From being perfectly fine. I don’t understand.. Ughhhh.......... <attention-status>

All of you, a week ago I felt exactly the same. I was literally holding a rope in my hand because two of my family members told me to hang myself. I was truly considering it and the only reason I didn't was because I was afraid to be found and rescued in time and live an even worse life after a failed attempt. I know how you feel and maybe I was even deeper in than you guys considering I put the rope around my neck already. If that fearful thought had not kicked in I probably would've been dead. In this week I have made a lot of process, process I have not made in 2.5 years. I want you all to know that there is hope for OCD sufferers like us and things can get better. ERP isn't fun. It's kinda like doing physical exercise you hate but you do it anyway because in the big picture it is very good for you. Best analogy I can come up with right now. It is damn hard but it is worth it. You're in a cage right now because of your compulsions. They are like a drug to us. Only not so nice thing is that unlike with drugs, quitting them at once isn't how this process usually goes. It's more complex, little steps, step back, leaps forward, a step back, etc. A dance with the devil. But you can get your life back if you keep dancing. My 'cage' is already a lot better. I brought my compulsions back from 10 hours a day to like... 1? In 2 weeks. Be very strict with yourself, hold yourself accountable, surround yourself with people who gently but firmly do this if you can. Much love from me and keep fighting warriors ♡

oh my god i relate so much. it’s like as soon as i start thinking about my triggers i legitimately lose all hope and want to die. it really really sucks ://///

Yep ... it’s a fight every dang day.. ??. Life is a joke. I don’t like this therapy. It’s good when I’m in there and then during the week it’s hell week, for what?!?!? Just to pretend that I’m something I’m not. Like two diff people.. It’s bringing out too much, and ughhh and depression, anxiety(which has been good today) and everything else it can possibly pull out. And we r supposed to be okay through out it. I wanna be with someone but at the same time with no one. Wish I could call my therapist but I’m relying on her too much. It sucks. Can’t do shit about nothing .. and people just hope one day that you don’t end up killing your self over this. That’s all ?‍♀️. ?of story. ❗️❕it will go on for ♾!! I don’t know how we all go through this... I feel alone.

I’m having a crisis too I called And left a message for my therpaist and I sounded pissed. I’m tried of fighting this b/s, called the suicide line but she didn’t help. She triggered it. I wanna scream and c€£ myself ??... suffering. Suffering for what??? I don’t kno how I’ll make it to Saturday I can’t do this.

YES omg Like everything feels so great and awesome while i’m talking to my therapist and then I have this swell of confidence like “hell ywah i can do this!!” before i fail miserably and come crawling back to her a week later still at square one... My small dosage of medication helped somewhat but I had to start going to a specialist instead of my GP but my GP was the one who prescribed it to me and my specialist won’t give me refills until he sees me so i am currently going through the world’s worst withdrawals which are giving me hella suicidal ideation and worse compulsions than ever!! It also sucks that with all this ERP shit we’re expected to just “deal with it” when it’s literal hell on earth?? it’s like all i can think is do you WANT me to publicly effing humiliate myself???? and cry in front of people?? It’s so hard..I want this to get better but I just can’t see it

My therapist called me a while ago, and asked if I’m safe. I said I don’t know. She said that someone from the office will call me tomorrow, she’s getting very concerned ughhh A lot of emotions while talking to her .. gonna try to stay safe for the session on Saturday.. cuz she brought up a good technique that I can use next time ☺️, so that will give me some hope to hold on too. I told her. This is too much discovery for me. ?