eybaddict
- Date posted
- 6y
ChellieChellie
- Date posted
- 6y
All of you, a week ago I felt exactly the same. I was literally holding a rope in my hand because two of my family members told me to hang myself. I was truly considering it and the only reason I didn't was because I was afraid to be found and rescued in time and live an even worse life after a failed attempt. I know how you feel and maybe I was even deeper in than you guys considering I put the rope around my neck already. If that fearful thought had not kicked in I probably would've been dead. In this week I have made a lot of process, process I have not made in 2.5 years. I want you all to know that there is hope for OCD sufferers like us and things can get better. ERP isn't fun. It's kinda like doing physical exercise you hate but you do it anyway because in the big picture it is very good for you. Best analogy I can come up with right now. It is damn hard but it is worth it. You're in a cage right now because of your compulsions. They are like a drug to us. Only not so nice thing is that unlike with drugs, quitting them at once isn't how this process usually goes. It's more complex, little steps, step back, leaps forward, a step back, etc. A dance with the devil. But you can get your life back if you keep dancing. My 'cage' is already a lot better. I brought my compulsions back from 10 hours a day to like... 1? In 2 weeks. Be very strict with yourself, hold yourself accountable, surround yourself with people who gently but firmly do this if you can. Much love from me and keep fighting warriors ♡
angelbabyangelbaby
- Date posted
- 6y
oh my god i relate so much. it’s like as soon as i start thinking about my triggers i legitimately lose all hope and want to die. it really really sucks ://///
eybaddicteybaddict
- Date posted
- 6y
Yep ... it’s a fight every dang day.. ??. Life is a joke. I don’t like this therapy. It’s good when I’m in there and then during the week it’s hell week, for what?!?!? Just to pretend that I’m something I’m not. Like two diff people.. It’s bringing out too much, and ughhh and depression, anxiety(which has been good today) and everything else it can possibly pull out. And we r supposed to be okay through out it. I wanna be with someone but at the same time with no one. Wish I could call my therapist but I’m relying on her too much. It sucks. Can’t do shit about nothing .. and people just hope one day that you don’t end up killing your self over this. That’s all ?♀️. ?of story. ❗️❕it will go on for ♾!! I don’t know how we all go through this... I feel alone.
eybaddicteybaddict
- Date posted
- 6y
I’m having a crisis too I called And left a message for my therpaist and I sounded pissed. I’m tried of fighting this b/s, called the suicide line but she didn’t help. She triggered it. I wanna scream and c€£ myself ??... suffering. Suffering for what??? I don’t kno how I’ll make it to Saturday I can’t do this.
angelbabyangelbaby
- Date posted
- 6y
YES omg Like everything feels so great and awesome while i’m talking to my therapist and then I have this swell of confidence like “hell ywah i can do this!!” before i fail miserably and come crawling back to her a week later still at square one... My small dosage of medication helped somewhat but I had to start going to a specialist instead of my GP but my GP was the one who prescribed it to me and my specialist won’t give me refills until he sees me so i am currently going through the world’s worst withdrawals which are giving me hella suicidal ideation and worse compulsions than ever!! It also sucks that with all this ERP shit we’re expected to just “deal with it” when it’s literal hell on earth?? it’s like all i can think is do you WANT me to publicly effing humiliate myself???? and cry in front of people?? It’s so hard..I want this to get better but I just can’t see it
eybaddicteybaddict
- Date posted
- 6y
My therapist called me a while ago, and asked if I’m safe. I said I don’t know. She said that someone from the office will call me tomorrow, she’s getting very concerned ughhh A lot of emotions while talking to her .. gonna try to stay safe for the session on Saturday.. cuz she brought up a good technique that I can use next time ☺️, so that will give me some hope to hold on too. I told her. This is too much discovery for me. ?
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Sierra-117
- Date posted
- 24w
I f$cking hate this now
I have no idea to what extent the new medication I am on is affecting me positively or negatively. The past two days and Monday have been awful. I feel close to walking around in a daze in the mornings. For whatever reason Tuesday was actually like a 3 on a 5 star scale whereas average had been below 2.5. I know the OCD is pissed off but it’s so bad and interfering with my life so much. It just hammers at me basically nonstop. I know I can watch YouTube and read books/comics and sometimes play with Legos but exercise, video games, consistency, feeling like I have a choice when I want to do these things is so difficult. I’m starting to lash out with anger at things and am going back down the path of self harm and suicidal thoughts. I just despise all of these thoughts like nothing I’ve ever experienced before.
SugarCookiessᰔ
- Date posted
- 20w
To anyone who cares
I’m really depressed and lately life has been really really bad. Everyday, it’s like something horrible happens and my mind tries to make me forget it. My family life isn’t that great and everything is super tough for me. It’s like when I get better I go like a million steps back. I ended up doing something bad today:ended up becoming aggressive to myself and caused some ouchies) it hurt a lot and right now I’m really stressed and have been for a while. My mental well being has been extremely bad these days. I have obsessive compulsive disorder but for me it’s decently strong so it’s hard to contain, Complex-trauma, depression, and possibly ADHD. It’s an awful mix. My life is a living hell everyday. I’m not sure how much longer I can keep lying to myself to Myself that I’m getting better when in reality I’m in so much pain, it’s like I’m barely doing anything at all. Please, help, I’ve been acting not like myself. I want to live, even though it’s extremely difficult too and I rather much not be here, but people are counting on me and I don’t want to fail them. How can I convince myself to stay a little longer when I am fully burnt out from trying to get better? I’m in so much pain. I don’t know how to even deal with it. I’m so lost, I might lose it more, and I’m scared for myself. I feel like I don’t even deserve help. I’m so mentally unwell I can’t even think correctly. I hate everything and just want to sleep forever and ever. I’m so numb to it all. I don’t feel anything anymore.
stuckonathought
- Date posted
- 20w
I’m ruining my own life
I’ve been in a really difficult situation recently and this weekend I’ve been looking forward to for ages. I had a concert and then nights out planned with my cousins. But I’m a tad bit older than them and they’re a lot closer in ages, as are all their friends from uni, so I’m kinda just stuck here with nothing to do. They’re off flirting with people their age and dancing and I’m getting no attraction or even attention (not in an attention seeking kinda way just an I’m lonely kinda way). At the concert they left my 5 or 6 times to go to the toilet and get drinks, when I went to the toilet I went alone. I was left alone to the point people around started to notice and I had one guy say “left alone are you? You need to get better friends” I just feel very left out. I’m a lot older than them and I know I have to keep a mature head but I’ve already fallen into a pit of depression recently and very very low self esteem to the point I barely wanna go out in public, that I’m now sat here all anxious and in a really bad mood. I don’t even know exactly why or when it changed but last night I just snapped. My sister was off meeting new people, my cousin was dancing with creepy men, a guy I found attractive was more interested in my cousin, she started dancing all provocative on him and I was just kinda there. I then had people asking me if I was neurodivergent and bisexual which just sent my ocd spiralling and nobody quite understands how horrible it is to be in my head. There was this lovely guy saying how amazing stunning and beautiful I was but it kinda just made me go “you’re saying that because you feel bad for me, because you know they’re getting all the attention and I’m this ugly duff person on the side”, it’s insanely exhausting. I’m tired of it now. I don’t wanna be in a mood anymore but I can’t seem to shift it, I’m stuck
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