A constant state of uncertainty is tiring

So on tiktok there’s been a lot of talk being secretly gay but not knowing it. One of them is having only celebrity crushes or influencers people ‘unattainable’. I fit this in a way, I have had like one or two real life crushes. but I haven’t really interacted with guys like that. I’m not the prettiest so I haven’t really gotten make attention or really had straight guy friends before. And I usually crush on real life guys who seem kind or smart. So I’ve mostly crushed on guys that are celebrities. This has left me spiralling and worrying that I’ve just been lying to myself. I’ve always read heterosexual books about romance and have idealised that and have always wanted. Was it all fake? Was it what I thought I wanted?

Username: abib1001abib1001

Date posted: 1y ago

Hi, I have a very similar experience to you, except I didn't have many celebrity crushes growing up. I also had a handful of real-life crushes and none since I got triggered. I think being on this app and thinking about the absence of male crushes doesn't necessarily make you gay. I think tiktok especially tries to minimize the experience of people to one bubble. Especially gay TikTok and I think that’s harmful to people in this position/ people who are questioning

Username: My OCD AcademiaMy OCD Academia

Date posted: 1y ago

OCD loves to use your past against you to provide “evidence” and to “prove” you’re gay. It’s a nasty trick

Username: WortoWorto

Date posted: 1y ago

So I have no idea if this is relevant, but my uneducated opinion is probably worth just as much as the crap you get on TikTok. So I'm in my 30s dealing with a second big bout of HOCD. I dont know for sure but i think one of the reasons for the insecurity that led to HOCD starting in the first place is because my first girlfriend at 14 years old randomly ghosted me for weeks and then it turned out that she'd been seeing a girl and was now a lesbian. Because I was so nervous about sex (fear about STDs, what parents would say and pregnancy) I was really nervous, so we didn't have any sex at all, so I was convinced for years that I might have turned her into a lesbian. I know that's irrational now, but its something that I really struggled with until I was probably about 18 and it really messed me up, especially since I never got closure or a break up conversation. Her room was filled with posters of celebrity 'crushes', but to be honest it's more likely that she had all those posters because she was scared of coming out and was trying desperately to appear straight to her family who, as it turned out, practically disowned her after she did come out to them. Just because you haven't interacted with anyone yet doesn't mean that you don't know what you want (deep down.)

Username: jddjdd

Date posted: 1y ago

Gotta love the armchair "expert" influencers that think they know everything about a topic because they had an experience with it.

Username: idont241

Date posted: 5y ago

I literally have no reason to think this! I’ve never been attracted or had a crush on a girl! I don’t know why I keep worrying. All of the sudden I feel like my feelings for all my past crushes weren’t real. This sucks. I don’t know anything about myself anymore. It keeps trying to push this idea on my head. Like there is no reason for me to think that i am gay! The most possible “reason” would be finding women attractive, that’s it! But now I try to imagine my life partner and when I think of a guy a picture of a women quickly comes up. Sometimes I just wanna scream “I am gay” for no reason. Or when someone is talking about relationships I always think “I am different”. Or when someone talks about acceptance it really bothers me too. This is so bad, what am I even basing this idea on? Now, I it’s hard imagining a guy that I like, it’s weird. I feel like I am never going to like anyone again. Ugh this is draining me

Sexual Orientation OCD

Username: prakriti

Date posted: 5y ago

It's not about hocd but can someone help me with my sexuality. Okay so i was in an all girls school and an all girls college. I rarely got the chance to interact with boys except for my coaching classes. It's like in the past i had dozens of girl crushes and a very few guy crushes but if i ever had to imagine myself being intimate with,it was mostly boys. It's like i clearly remember that i fantasized about boys but i don't actually remember if i ever fantasized about girls. My mind is telling me i had. I had a very few guy friends so whenever we had a meet over i always wanted the guy's attention and not those girls. I don't know what kind of crushes or attraction i had for those girls but i always considered myself straight because even if i had a few guy crushes like 2-3 it was only them i mostly fantasized about. Also i have never been interested in lesbian related stuffs. I have watched kdramas and have mostly got male celebrity crushes. My mind has constantly been telling me i am a lesbian cause i mean i did not have hocd when i had those girl crushes but if today i imagine myself getting intimate with a girl to check if it affects me i get anxious.

Username: Idk

Date posted: 5y ago

This is ridiculous, now I feel like I’m truly questioning my sexuality. I’m 15. Never had a crush on a girl, don’t think I have. Touched myself to lesbian porn mostly, turned on by sexual images of women but still I never questioned what I felt for boys. I knew I would crush on them, I knew they were feelings. If anything maybe I could be bisexual. But still that doesn’t seem right. I’m just completely lost. Maybe I’m just thinking to much. It shouldn’t be this hard right? I read bisexual people immediately knew. Most of them I think, they realized all their crushes and Fantasies they wanted in real life. I never fantasized about a women, or any girl. I remember crushing on a senior once, I felt excited to see him at school. And fantasized about him. And with my Boyfriend he was just so innocent, and cute and sweet, and when we do sexual stuff I like it. I get uhm .. wet. Sorryyy. I recently got advice to look out for any girl crushes. And I’m really scared about that now. Maybe I can crush on a girl and maybe I can’t. I don’t know anymore. I feel completely unsure of everything. Im not sure if I’m straight or not. I recently started to take quizzes again. I either got straight or bisexual. And idk can anyone give advice? Thanks for reading through all of this if you did.

Sexual Orientation OCD

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A constant state of uncertainty is tiring

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