I’m petrified. I keep thinking that I’m all alone. That nobody else is real, including my family, friends, all of you guys, my therapist etc. It’s just me. I can’t love anything and nothing can love me back. It’s just me. I want to cry. I can’t live if it’s just me and everyone else is fake in this ‘simulation’. I simply can’t.

Hey Eden, what you're experiencing sounds like extreme depersonalisation and OCD. The fact that you even think help is fake etc shows how anxious your mind has become. I come to you as someone who actually experienced this themself, I was so lucky to get out of it at a young age that I can look back at it and if I experience it again I do not panic. Literally Eden, the I spent 3 months this year paused, having an existential crisis? it was terrible but it did stop! What I learnt is: 1) OCD is very powerful, if you know you have it and you can see the classic pattern then you know it's just OCD. You think you're in a simulation but remember that loads of people have had this thought and there are even loads of videos about it. But these people do not fall into the anxiety of it or doubt the people they are with! Because they do not have this OCD thinking pattern. 2) Get out more, go to school, go to work, go clubbing, go and touch nature and visit friends. Or even do something outside your comfort zone. The more time you spend living rather than overthinking - the more you appreciate it. 3) Maybe religion? Haha I'm not religious and I don't want to preach but how can you determine that this is a simulation? Maybe Hinduism is right? Maybe christianity is? Researching or going to a church may make you realise that we are all in this world together. 4) NOONE KNOWS! Haha on the contrary to my last statement - noone knows where we came from and why we are here. So for you to be certain that it's a simulation is as true as me saying actually no "we are part of a multiverse" or that "God made us". Your evidence isnt more sufficient than these theories. :) Final note: I understand the struggle with this type of thought and dont mean to downplay it. As a child I struggled with this for a year, but instead I had the thought "what if I'm in a dream" and I really came to peace with it by thinking... Well what if I am? Theres no evidence for it so why should I even worry? I know the laws of this world, what I have to do to be happy and successful. If I go to jail I'm still going to jail and if I hurt myself i still bleed! No theory is going to change that - so for now I'm just going to live and get on with this life until the next :) And since then I have grown so much, the thought never bothered me again. And to be honest, sometimes I think maybe we are in a simulation - it's a popular theory - but why alone? I think maybe we are in one but we are in one together. Who said you're alone in this? You think that if we became so smart to create a simulation that we couldn't get others in it as well? Haha? I think we are all in this simulation together so even if theres a big scary truth out there - atleast we are all in this bubble together and not alone. I hope this helps :)

Reading your replies, with the other girl, I can see where there is a block with this feeling and thought you have. When you reach out to the far questions of life theres no evidence for anything. And with OCD it latches onto one thing and it makes some amazing blueprints and connections creating a big theory that stems from a place of anxiety. Like I said earlier - noone knows why we are here, your theory is just one...how do you know yours is correct? For me I dont know - and I'm not going to pick one when there are a 1000 possibilities. But because of your OCD its chosen this specific scenario where you are alone. And it's clear from your messages that you fear that...do you see the link? You fear being alone and so your OCD has latched onto the theory that you are alone in a simulation. But in reality, this isnt true. Like I said...what if we are all together in one? Better yet...what if we arent in one? Haha they are all as true as each other, but you are fixated on this one because you're afraid of it. I just wonder if maybe you have gone through a rough time, or feel lonely, or feel like you might losing your friends or family. I must say this kind of anxiety came and went through puberty for me- that time where you're really growing up and questioning the world...realising that not everyone will stick around!? it made me value the people around me more.

I wish to have fun. But because everything seems fake, and because my brain keeps reminding me that, I just can’t! If the people around me all know something I don’t, or if the people around me aren’t actually around me at all... what’s the point? I know I need to just carry on and accept it and all that. And I want to, so much. But I guess it’s just hard! I just want to go back to before I ever thought about this. Ignorance is bliss. Also, I just wanted to say thank you for all your replies and help so far. I appreciate it (even if you’re fake!).

For me my idea is focused on other minds, basically i think that my mind is the only mind in the universe,the only consciousness that exists is mine everything else is extremely complex information without an internal experience that's what my ocd is focused around like im not in your head so i don't know if you even have an internal experience. I currently don't fight this at all, if my mind wants to believe that fuck it ill live alone as the only mind I don't care anymore it's better than not living i guess, ironically i keep forgetting it more and more know like ill spend a long time forgetting everyone is fake and when i remember it im like ohh yeah i forgot i don't get stressed that much. So yeah im at my best since having this but my obsession is still there at times but fuck it i don't give a fuck ill live thinking im alone at times it is what it is

And even help seeks fake. OCD seems fake. Medication seems fake. It was all made up for this bubble I’m in. I don’t know what to do.

Reassurance doesn’t exist for this either because I simply don’t believe anyone who says they’re ‘real’

Hey I’ve had this happen before!! Don’t worry your mind is playing tricks on you , this happens to me when I get really stressed. What helps me is that I remind myself that I’m not the only person out there with these thoughts

Thanks so much guys. I think deep down, I just fear being alone. I never really realised how much I value human connection until right now. I get that other people have these thoughts... but how can I know that for sure? It could I just be a lie. You guys could just be unreal! I hate it. I don’t want to be alone. I feel like OCD could’ve just been made up. EVERYTHING could’ve just been made up. For me. Everything I do is monitored and tested and looked at. Nobody is real. I want to cry. Logan, I love your idea that we’re all in this simulation together. I wish more than anything to believe that. But I just can’t. I worry so much that I’m all alone in this. That everyone’s fake and nobody loves me. That both of you are just robots or actors or something. That the ‘boss’ of my little simulation could’ve sent you to me to reassure me and make me stop thinking about this. Ahhhh I don’t know! There’s no way to know and I hate that. There’s too much uncertainty. I just wish to love and be loved

And I just keep thinking maybe ignorance is bliss. Maybe I should just carry on like nothing has changed. Like love is real. But something inside ME has changed. I think I’m too late.

I hate it when that happens, it was my worse theme when I was in 3/4 and to make myself know I was real I would pinch myself or scratch myself, I still feel tempted to sometimes just to make sure but I withstand the temptation

For me, I think I’m real, but nobody else :(

I made a mistake, it was to make sure I was awake but I could never be sure others were real. I would spend ages ruminating to prove to myself others were real. Sometimes it comes back again

Yeah. It’s just hard because I don’t even know if YOU’RE real in saying that, ya know? You could be a part of my mind

I’m having the exact same issue right now... except I don’t even know I’m real because you don’t think I’m real but I think I’m real. My brain has started a weird cycle

Same! But what if you’re just saying that? Or what if you think I’m just saying that? There’s nothing to ground me. Or you. I crave certainty so bad.

Ahh I honestly can’t remember. I suck at remembering people’s usernames and stuff!

I hate this so much. There’s no way out for me

Oof... I don’t know what I did so now of course I’m obsessing about what I did and never mind. It’s back and gone again and back and soapsiwiisixisisisisi I just want it to make up its mind honestly.

Same. Argh I just don’t ever want to be alone!!! I’m so scared. This is utter shit nsjsjshahanh

Right and it was a couple weeks ago but it wasn’t about depersonalisation

Hmmmm I’m not too sure. May I ask though... is it compulsive for you to know?

Arg OCD can come up with some crazy things

Wow i have the exact same thing

You’re right. I mean, I’m a 15 year old girl after all. I just want a way out. I want to be able to value the people around me without this horrible horrible fear inside me. Last year I had a bad existential phase but got over it as I realised that I could still do the things I love even if things weren’t real. But this year I realised that I’d be all alone as people cannot love me back, and that’s where it’s gotten so much worse. It’s like a new depth or a new evil that I just ‘don’t know how to fight’. Right now I just hate being alone. I’ve just woken up and my parents are out and I don’t know when they’ll be back. My anxiety is always at its worst once I wake up so being alone on top of that is crushing me. But you are right. There’s no evidence that anything is real, but there’s also no evidence that anything is fake. It’s just hard to let my brain believe the ideas I WANT to believe because it keeps shutting them down. The other problem is that I keep thinking help is fake. Like, the person who runs my simulation or whatever is controlling everyone, including you or my therapist etc. So when people tell me to ‘cut compulsions to feel better’ - I no longer want to do that because it feels fake. So how do I even know if OCD is an actual thing? And how will I ever get through this if my brain is shutting down all sources of hope? Bottom line is, I feel dreadful. I feel stuck. And I worry I’ll be this way forever.

It must be a terrible feeling - I always get moments when I freak out about life. Even last night - but you are still young, I'm 100% sure it will blow over. One thing you should try is having fun with it. If u think you know you've cracked the code - then relax, enjoy it. Say out loud that it's fake and live life. Go out have fun - maybe you'll be less self conscious. This kind of exposure may make u realise that it's not fake - shock ur OCD.

Lol i think just like you as i said i have the same thing and it sucks at times you think everyone isn't real it's tricky but after all it's ocd so try not to do compulsions (seeking reasurance, rationalize etc) and it will get better

Ignorance is definitely a bliss?

Haha no problem!! I know it's so hard to accept - even with normal OCD doing that first exposure is so hard like near impossible. I think another thing that would settle your mind is realising that everyone questions our reality. Like I went on a video the other day talking about theories about our reality. I thought, wow I actually had a crisis over this but these people commenting and uploading videos they all seem fine and happy even when discussing our reality. And I realised it's the OCD - I wouldnt be able to watch a video about our world being a simulation but seeing other people interested in it made me realise that it's something a lot of people wonder about but they dont let it freak them out. So I want to get on with my life like they do. Plus - noone knows Haha so theres no point in worrying :)

Logn1 that makes a lot of sense man i thought about it too,like a lot of people question reality and even find it fun and cool while we panic over it :p like vsause has a video called is anything real? With million views and he even says its awesome to think these things

I guess. But in my head, I don’t know if ‘everyone’ is real. You could be lying and telling me that all these people are also questioning their reality... when they’re just not. They’re not there, they’re fake. Do you see how annoying my head is hahah^^ I just don’t trust anything. I wish I could.

I went through a period of that after watching the Truman show!

Yeah that's what im thinking as well at times,i have accepted that possibility and i also accept the fact that at times im gonna feel dissociation from people and reality it is what it is resistance doesn't work accept the fear and these thoughts and that possibility it's the thing that keeps these thoughts strong,like i have told my weird idea to one of my close friends and he said it's awesome and that thinking such things makes him feel excited about all these possibilities. That's our difference we are to afraid of these possibilities we have to entertain them as often as we can until they aren't scary anymore, that's what i do and it works,my fear is like 15 % of what it used to be

The fact that you're worried you have it...probably is a sign that you dont have it

The fact that you're worried you have it...probably is a sign that you dont have it.

You’re right :((((

I think I am almost free of that,you can do it too you have to feel the distress it causes without trying to seek comfort/reasurance, that's what im doing and im bettee than ever at the moment,im not ignorant though i know i probably still have a little work to do but that's the best iv been since having it,not gonna lie reaching this point was brutal though

I’ve been forgetting it too actually. It affects me most when I’m by myself. Lately I’ve been very scared of death though. I don’t want to know what happens. I’ve got to just live in the present for now! It’s hard though.

Eden yeah i also usually remember it when im alone, people are too realistic and i can't help but think they are real most of the time i am with them lol,i don't think about death maybe i will if i get older but it isn't important for me now,who knows what happens it's too complex,like nothingness?i understand what that means before i was alive like sleep you wake up but what about permanent nothingness? Now that's something I can't comprehend who knows maybe you get reborn or maybe all consciousness is one

I know, it's really hard thinking about living your whole life not knowing with certainty that other people are like you "real" so i know your pain. I also wish i had any other theme im probably bias as everyone says their theme is the worst but i think i could deal with any other thing but this derealization is really fucking tough,like i spended 20 years of my life in the real world, it wasn't perfect but that's another thing and suddenly your whole reality that you had since you were born gets shattered by a freaking idea. The mindfuckery this cause is indescribable but somehow i still manage and i think im getting better

hey, i’m having the same thoughts and omggggg it sucks :/ are you feeling better?

This is an infuriating cycle! Mine has started to calm down and I don’t know why so I think I accidentally did a conclusion or something if possible. Also random question: I’ve had a conversation with you before right? What was it about again?

*complusion, not conclusion

I experienced depersonalisation after getting high a couple weeks ago. Maybe we talked then? Of course now I’m obsessing about whether or not depersonalisation is even real or if it was made up as an excuse for me.

Um. Hm... actually I think so

Maybe it’s best we don’t figure that out then. Argh but what even are compulsions?? I’m just so confused. I feel like it’s all to conceal the fact that I ‘know too much’.

The way to deal with this type of ocd is by not doing the obsession that people with pure o always do, remember there is no reasurance on this type of ocd so what are you going to do?do you want to feel fear all the time?your only choice is to stop doing these compulsions listed on this video https://youtu.be/OiUS5GGta9w

I say that as someone who had this type of ocd,if you stop doing these compulsions your brain will soon find these questions irrelevant and you won't have them. Remember this world based on your ocd is a perfect simulation so everyone is exactly a perfect copy of yourself yet these perfect simulations can hear about solipsism (that nothing but you is real)and not panic or care then why do you seem to care?Oh that's right that's because even if you do live in a stimulation you still have ocd so try to treat it

Just did a bit of research on solipsism and I’m anxious now. I just want to be loved back - I don’t want that to be fake. I don’t want to be alone. I need to cut out compulsions :(

And the worst thing is, last night I worried I’d always feel this way because I can’t get help. So then I’d go insane and kill everyone because none of my actions would have consequences and dsjhdhshsh I hate this all so so unbelievably much.

Listen in this world everything is consistent,the laws of physics exist whether in your imagination or not,so in the end the only reason you have this problem is because of a brain error you have and the treatment is limiting compulsions,there is no reason to doubt therapy cause in the end even if it's imaginary it works cause everything in this "imaginary" world is consistent,hell even your thoughts are "imaginary" so don't doubt treatment

I hate this :(

Oh believe me i know everything you thought i thought as well,ocd is a doubting disease it's normal to Doubt things with ocd that's why you don't treat it using logic it has no logic :p

It's funny cause i know that the possibility of people being imaginary is 1 in a trillion but my brain refuses to choose to believe that people are real because it's like nooo there is a 0.000001 percent they aren't real so you CAN'T think that they are real because you may be manipulated without knowing it,smh ocd man

But i also knoq that there is a 0.000001 percent chance that im going ro die in an hour but my brain easily chooces not to think that possibility but when it comes to solipsism it's like noo i gotta consider that 0.00001 possibility,why on solipsism brain I don't get it lol

Yeah literally!! Ahhh it’s all so annoying. And it’s frustrating that I keep thinking OCD is made up and all that, because I like to just blame it on that hahah.

I don't have a problem on that end,even my ocd knows it's ocd because even if i live in my imagination,i imagined myself with a condition called ocd so i still have it if that makes sense,like i could imagine myself just like everyone else living life without caring or thinking these thoughts so yeah i know i have ocd so does my ocd :p

True. I guess for me, it’s more that I’m in a simulation and everyone around me are like paid actors or some shit. And they’ve all lead to believe me that I have a condition called ‘OCD’ because I’m starting to crack the code and they wanna stop me. Wow I sound insane. But yeah hahah

I really hope all of you guys are real :((

It’s always when I’m feeling quite happy that it hits me. It’s like ‘oh that person makes you laugh’... well they’re fake. They don’t love you’. It hurts and scares me so so much.

It’s just I can’t even talk to friends about it because I don’t think they’re real

Guys I just read something about psychosis and I’m so worried I have it. I relate to a lot of the symptoms. Oh god! But then my brain goes ‘psychosis is just made up’ blah blah blah which then ALSO proves I have it. I’m so scared. I don’t know what to do!

I’m really happy for you! Progress is the most rewarding feeling. Keep going :)))

Hey guys! I’m sorry to bother, but can I rant quickly? I’ve just gotten quite triggered...

Go ahead!:)

I guess, if I were to live in a simulation alone... my whole life could be premeditated. Everything that happens to me could have been carefully predicted to cause a particular impact resulting in another event. Damn, the more I think about it, the more stupid and nuts I sounds. It’s irrational and doesn’t make sense. Mmmm it just triggered me a bit yesterday because I was looking at universities, and I felt so so inspired to work hard to get into a top one. But i wondered if it even mattered because if my life has been planned out, what’s the point, ya know? It’s not bothered me so much today tho lols

You’re right :(( I don’t know, and I won’t know. Maybe that’s okay. It’s so weird how I’ll never know if you are or aren’t real. I think you are... and then I worry you aren’t. And so on. I sorta just wish I had any other theme.

Yep. It’s very very hard. But we’re strong and we’ll be okay. I have hope for us :)

Hi my boyfriend is struggling with something similar. I don’t know how to help him or show him that things will eventually be okay. Do you have any tips or anything that helped you in your darker moments?