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Welp, 1) Look, you have a husband, he loves you and if you disapaired he will have a heartbreak, so your life have a point :p 2) Your friends were toxic AS FUK they shouldn't leave you becouse of OCD, they werent worth you and they are just a garbage 3) Your life is worth fighting for, you shouldn't give up becouse of some bad events, that isnt your fault Look, you just met some bad friends But You met that one, who loves you, who cares, who dont let you struggle Faster or later you will find ppl worth your care :) I Have hope you will find them ฅ⁠^⁠•⁠ﻌ⁠•⁠^⁠ฅ

@KSELUME Thank you very much. It feels so good to know that there is someone like you out there I can turn to when I am and feel all alone. You made me feel better. Thank you. Bless you.

@NODA Ohhh Cute! I have hope that you will feel better soon, Bless you 2 <3

@KSELUME 💕

@NODA ฅ⁠^⁠•⁠ﻌ⁠•⁠^⁠ฅ

@NODA Anyway, If you wanna any help im waiting ^^

@KSELUME Hi. How are you? I hate myself for being afraid to be who I am and say what I think because of what other people might think of me. I find myself always complimenting other people (you are great, you are amazing, You area great mother, you are so strong, I wish I were you,....) even if I know they don't deserve. They never say anything nice to me. I am so grateful anytime someone makes me feel good for a moment that I just want to give them a small present as a token of my thankfulness. I usually don't because until I see them again they will have already found a way to disappoint me, ignore me, make fun of me. I am so hungry for emotional support, that I feel I need to pay (presents, thank you emails or texts...) for any nice word said to me, even by my therapist. I am hopeless. I for example have promised myself, that the next time I run into my next door neighbour, I will just say hello and go my way. I have never done that. Before she started treating me as if I were some sort of a curse or jinxed, I always smiled, took the time to talk to her,... In the other hand I wish to ask her what I did wrong for her to just ignore me and hide from me like that. I have lost so many people in my life, it hurts to lose more. Me and my ocd. And the scariest part for me is, that when I see her, I might smile and talk to her as if she never hurt me. I do that to myself. I have no backbone. I have never said to someone that they are idiots or sent them to hell in their face, even if I am sure 99% of all other people in the world would at certain occasions. I believe that is why they take me for granted and get rid of me when they have nothing else to take from me. I am so pathetic, that when someone is really mean to me, breaks my heart and I have no contact with them anymore, that I feel sorry and a strange kind of loving regret that I lost them. A person might stab me in my back and I feel sorry for loosing them, miss them. My ocd doesn't let me and my hubby have any visitors in our home. I think I lose people because of that as well. I can go out or visit people at their homes, but after a while it becomes not ok because they never come to me and I just don't trust them enough to tell them about my OCD. My therapist was trying to practice ERP with me, but she has no idea how it should be done. I don't either. I just know it is not the way she thinks it is. She has just finished studying psychology and thinks she knows it all about all disorders and conditions and therapies. I would appreciate your view on my stupid character. Why do I do this to myself? If this is too much to ask from you, I apologize in advance, just tell me. I can't tell you how much I appreciate talking to someone who knows what kind of horror a life with ocd can be. Thank you.

@NODA At first, You have really low self-esteem Secondly Don't apologize for asking for someone to listen to you, help you (in this case, express an opinion) This is a human need and I will be happy to provide it to you ฅ⁠^⁠•⁠ﻌ⁠•⁠^⁠ฅ You have a very rich and cool character, People are terrible and just because you don't get compliments from others doesn't mean you don't deserve them, See, people usually take care of the tip of their nose and are very, very good at accepting compliments, but they can't give From what you wrote, you have a really nice and nice character, if you don't believe me, think about it, your husband is with you for some reason (And I'm not surprised at all) Anyway, if you wanna talk, or tell me something im ready ^^ (If i not replay, im sleeping or just cant) Have hope you will feel better soon ʕ⁠っ⁠•⁠ᴥ⁠•⁠ʔ⁠っ

@KSELUME ʕ⁠っ⁠•⁠ᴥ⁠•⁠ʔ⁠っ = (⁠ ⁠ꈍvꈍ⁠)*

@KSELUME Thank you again. I do have a kind husband. He is all I have and I am all he has. We've been together for a long time. There have been hard times due to my ocd, but it got much better when I went on meds. He tells me he loves me every day, and I know he does, but since I was not supported and loved by the people who were supposed to love me- my parents, and then a long line of others for whom I just wasn't good enaugh and didn't meet their standards, I have a hard time to open up my heart and truly feel my husband's love although I know he loves me. When I say to him, that I love him, sometimes I doubt myself - like I ask myself if I am really capable of feeling the love that I claim to feel for him, pets. I would give my life for them. So why do I doubt myself? OCD? You just take all the time you need to answer me, I am just grateful to be able to tell you things. It is now 9p.m here. Soon to bed. If you ever need to talk about something with someone, I will be glad to listen. I am a much better support to others than to myself. Thank you for your kind words. I also hope I feel better soon. 🙏😇💐💖

@NODA Wait wait, 9p.m? Where are u from? (Im from Poland and its 9p.m to) ^^)

@KSELUME Hi. I am also from Europe. From a small country close to Austria. I apologize for not being more specific. It's not because of you, it's just that this community here is for me so precious, that I just don't want someone from the same country to find me. I need an outlet. But I can tell you, growing up, my best friend was also Polish. 😊

@KSELUME I wish you a good night. Have nice dreams. I am off to bed now. Till tomorrow. Thank you again. 😇💖

Probably not everything, but I know a little... If you want to talk about this topic, I'm open :p

Welp, im waiting

@KSELUME What’s your experiences with ocd like what you struggled with and how you coped

@Anonymous Welp, When i was young i used to struggle with washing / clearing OCD (I was washing mys 7 times daily, and wash my hands that much, that my skin has been started to fall off ;-;) I coped with it becouse i felt in Love, My Love (crush) Had briliant habbitats, and i started to stop washing, no matter what Now i have Pure "o" With POCD and ROCD, I dont cope with it at all ;-;

@KSELUME My ocd is usually false memory but I also have washing and contamination ocd. To the point to where i was washing my hands autonomously, like without giving it thought. My false memory is the worst. It tries to trick me into thinking I’ve done things that I’ve never done. Which leads to tons of guilt and shame.

Thanks and Vice Versa <3