- Username
- b13
- Date posted
- 5y ago
I’ve never had a crush on a girl either and it just doesn’t make sense. Only guys not to many but it’s always just guys so it really sucks to constantly question this.
Nope nothing at all just dealing with them on my own.
Yes I have
Wow, I feel so sorry for y’all. I managed to miraculously get over HOCD after only 2 months. I still fear it may come back so I keep this app just in case
How’d you get over it so quickly?
Omg 5 years?? I think hocd is actually gonna be one of hardest things ever.
@advice? Yeah and it really worries me incase it’s not actually OCD and I’m just clinging to the idea because I’m scared or something. I have no idea. I remember saying ‘if this carries on for 6 months I’ll tell my mum because I know something isn’t right’ and then I fell into a bout of depression and started worrying ‘what if it’s not OCD’ and just got too scared to tell. I don’t think I’ll ever tell anyone because I literally feel paralysed with anxiety and fear over the whole thing.
Wow, that’s really sad to hear I’ve only been dealing with it for like 5 months now. It’s really sickening. Have you ever felt like you’re actually just lesbian? But then you say no because of evidence.
Yes I have felt that but then I just don’t understand because I’ve never had a crush on a girl in my life, not even a celebrity or anything. It sounds so stupid but I have liked so many guys on like TV shows and films over the years so I’m so confused why I’m even questioning. But it’s in my head every single hour of every day, so I always think it must be relevant or significant. I feel nothing looking at pretty women but because I’m constantly doing it to check I’m like ‘what straight girl would constantly check every woman to see if they’re attracted’. I’ve been suicidal multiple times because of this and I really hate it.
Are you doing anything, any medication or therapy?
Please try and learn as much as you can and maybe try therapy. I would hate for you to do what I did and end up years down the line so quickly. Have you watched Chrissie Hodges videos online?
I can’t stop feeling like maybe I’m just trash. And when I’m not ruminating, it’s been pretty alright the past few days in that sense.. I feel like “why do I not care that I can potentially be such a shitty person????” When I do care. A lot. To the point I’ve been on one thing for months. But then again I’m on one thing for months.. then it feels like the next something is even worse and I’m onto that thing for the next few months. I go back and fourth from them for months. And it makes me wonder that what if I keep getting into these scenarios because I’m just fucking shit and I want to be here I am meant to be trash I’m lying to my own self about who I am truly. It starts all over again. Though it never really stops. It’s always there. It’s just hard tonight.
Sometimes I worry that I don’t have ocd and that I’m losing my mind and that I’ll never feel better again. I was starting to feel really good last night and I thought it was finally over so I went ahead and did a lot of the stuff I enjoyed doing before this happened (the reason I had to stop was because certain things were triggering in either one way or another) but eventually I hit a point where I just could not bring myself to do something because it was causing too much anxiety. I got this horrible image last night in a dream and then I began to get a flurry of bothersome thoughts, so now I have 2 obsessions to worry about now. The first one is kind of in control but I’m just afraid what’s going to happen to my brain and I’m worried about having an episode in front of my family, who I’m supposed to be having a small dinner with today. I don’t want to tell them what’s going on but I’m afraid they’ll notice that I’m not well. I’m never present because I’m always in my head analyzing and ruminating and worrying. The feeling last night gave me hope that I could be myself again but I just worry that these thoughts will always linger and make me lose my mind. :(
I'm honestly not feeling well tonight. Things usually feel negative at night. My mind as usual keeps thinking too hard and I can't relax. I haven't felt the feeling of true relaxation in a long time. That meaning no worrisome thoughts, no weird feelings, no trouble breathing, and no chest tightness. I was just laying down googling and listening to a YouTube video until I got tired and doze off. Then I woke up gasping for air. Before I went for the nap, it felt harder to breathe as I was laying down. As if my body was going into fight or flight over basically nothing. I hate this. It's very annoying. I also always feel tense in an area like my left hip, shoulder blades, my head feeling heavy, or my back. I really hate this.
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