Morality

18+! When I was child I was VERY hyper-sexual I’m not sure when it started. All I remember I was being very sexual with other kids at the time, I think I thought it was normal and nobody was stopping me either at the time so I had no idea I was in the wrong. I think I had to be 13 or 14 where it hit me out of nowhere that I was wrong. The floodgate of anxiety was horrible I had so much guilt it was eating me up. I had to stay home, I quit going to family gatherings, quit hanging out with new friends I’ve made, I cried a lot. Til this day I think about it everyday and the amount of guilt on my chest. If I could go back and change it all I would. I wish I could have a better understanding of me and why I was doing it. It’s the guilt and anxiety I deal with every single day. I never meant to hurt anyone.

When i was between the ages of 11-18 i was a very mentally ill and hyper sexual kid. I did a lot pf sexting, sent nudes, and even one video of me doing inappropriate things that haunt me to this day. I have changed a lot since then and realized that this was all jn relation to (TW!!) sexual abuse i experienced as a child/teen. I still feel horrible for the things that I have done and think about this daily. I beat myself up because I know it was wrong of me to act that way growing up. Im afraid that someone will find these texts/pictures/videos one day and it will lead to my complete humiliation. I want to throw up at the thought of people i know and love seeing me act that. Its not who I am or who I ever was. I regret that part of my life so deeply it hurts.

I’ve been struggling with something that’s been really overwhelming, and I’m hoping to get some perspective from others here. I feel a lot of guilt about it, and I’m not sure if I’m alone in this experience. Lately, I’ve found myself daydreaming about romantic situations or getting caught up in ‘what if’ scenarios—where I wonder if I could develop feelings for someone else, or if someone develops feelings for me. The thing is, I’m in a relationship that I love, and I don’t want to act on these thoughts at all. What makes it even harder is that these thoughts often hyperfixate on one specific friend, and sometimes they feel entertaining or give me a dopamine rush. But then, of course, I feel even more guilty because it makes me feel like I’m betraying my boyfriend. These thoughts usually happen when I’m upset and looking for comfort, but then they morph into romantic scenarios, which makes me feel so disloyal. I’m constantly going back and forth between feeling curious or entertained by the thoughts and then feeling horrible for even allowing them to happen in the first place. I keep confessing these thoughts to my boyfriend, and he tries to be understanding. He’s just never been the type to daydream, so he doesn’t know if this is something other people experience or if it’s just me. I feel like such an awful girlfriend. Has anyone else dealt with something like this?