Suicidal Thoughts (TW)

So I’ve been having suicidal thoughts and thoughts of self harm because of incredibly bad depression and self loathing. While I know I probably won’t commit suicide, because I love my family and friends too much to hurt them like that, I also acknowledge that my mentality is incredibly fragile and I could probably change my mind and go through with if faced with any other major problem or challenge. I feel like I’m slowly losing my mind, dissociating, and losing connection with reality. I’m tired of feeling this way, and I feel like I’m losing my grip on my emotions. I feel like I’m losing myself, or I’ve already lost myself. And I keep thinking my parents probably don’t love me anymore for not being so funloving and happy as I used to be. I know this probably isn’t true but I’m just waiting for any implication they don’t love me anymore so I can go through with it. I’m hanging on for them and for the hope I can get better, but it’s hard. At one point I even thought about committing suicide after the holidays were over, so I could spend one last holiday with them. But I know things will probably get better and I’d probably regret it more than anything if I tried to go through with it. I’m holding on for dear life and I don’t know if I should tell them. I don’t want to ruin their happiness anymore than I have. I don’t want to cause any distress or pain but I just feel like I have no one else to go to. I don’t have a therapist at the moment, and I won’t talk to my friends about my mental health issues because I’m afraid they’ll pull away. But I’ve already been to the mental hospital twice in the past and it cost a lot of money and caused a lot of stress and sadness in my family. I don’t want to put them through that again. I feel like if I tell them it’ll make them resent me. I just want this all to stop and go back to the way it was years ago when I was happy and healthy. I have things I want to do, even if it’s only minor, and places I want to see. But I also feel like a failure and a disappointment and I can barely look myself in the mirror because I think I’m so ugly. A part of me just wants to give up but I’m doing my best to hang on. Should I tell them? Or should I just keep it to myself and hope it passes soon?

Suicidal OCD

Username: KeepongoingKeepongoing

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

I am been there before too. I had extremely all consuming suicidal ocd before I even knew what ocd was and I told my family. They help get me an emergency therapist until I could get it seeing a regular one. I promise promise promise it gets better, it might not be tomorrow, it might not be next week, but it does get better (maybe even better than you ever imagined possible!) When I have been depressed before I couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel but just know that it IS there and you will find it :)

Username: augustnycaugustnyc

Date posted: 1y ago

I relate so much in the sense where I feel like a failure, think I’m ugly and stupid. I feel like I’m not perfect enough and self loathe so much to the point of wanting to self harm. Just know you aren’t alone and it’s the intrusive perfectionism thoughts. I know what it’s like to feel like I’ve let down family by going inpatient and not being in a good mental place. Hang in there ❤️

Username: JenniesOCDBrainJenniesOCDBrain

Date posted: 1y ago

hey, i can hear how much you're hurting right now, and i just want to say that your feelings are valid and it's incredibly brave to reach out and share what you're going through. the thoughts and emotions you're wrestling with sound so heavy, and i get how isolating it can feel, especially when you're trying to protect your loved ones from your pain. i've got different obsessions from pure o, but the struggle with ocd is something i can definitely relate to. just know i'm here to listen, okay? i want to share something with you, and i promise i'm not just trying to promote stuff. my therapist told me about this free ai ocd therapy tool called "unstuck" (www.AIOCDtool.com), and i genuinely think it could be a good fit for what you're dealing with. it's like having a bit of a guide when things get super overwhelming. you just type in what's messing with you and it walks you through steps like an actual ocd therapist would. for your situation, where you're feeling so much and it's hard to hold onto hope, it might give you a moment-to-moment support that's missing right now. it's been a lifesaver for me, and i really just want to pass that help on to you. if you have any questions or just want to chat about it, i'm here. hang in there. 🌟💛

Username: marcygirl23marcygirl23

Date posted: 8w ago

How are you doing

Username: hiy

Date posted: 2y ago

[T/W] ( Suicidal )

I can't anymore. I feel like life's all about pain. Ecery though there are happy moments, but when sadness take over them i just can't. It's not getting any easier. I'm sick of being yhis way and crying every single day. I told my family that i feel anxious so i want to go to s therapist. I didn't tell them about ocd. Even over this small thing my mum keeps rechecking on me. I'm not liking it. It's keeping me from telling them that i really want to go. My mum keeps asking if i want to go but they won't take me to see therapist. I don't want to live like this. Feelsike I'm not at all living my own life. I don't want to live

Username: Emilia<3

Date posted: 39w ago

Please help me

I don’t know what to say. I feel a bit lost to be honest with my thoughts. They feel so real, they actually hurt so much. Why do I find myself comparing to my boyfriends and my friends? I’m not them, they got nothing to deal with me. It’s just that I feel the need to prove I have it worse, and to do that is to partake in actual harm. I have been feeling really low lately, honestly I feel like I’m losing it. It’s a scary feelings to think unaliving myself may be an option for me but I don’t want to do that. In all the hardships in life, there is so good in there. I have my boyfriend , I got good grades, I have a good home life I guess, I have friends and other amazing things too. It sad to say but I kinda need some comfort to know I’ll be fine. I feel like I’m at the end of my ropes right now. When people tell me their struggles I compare them to my own. When people give me advice, I overthink it. When I have something hope it gets torn apart. My heart hurts a lot. I feel like even if I do pass I’ll just be another number, like a casualty and no one would care. But that’s not true, people do care about me enough that they want me to live. I’m just so tired of feeling this way. I need help. But I feel like I don’t? God fucking damn it leave me the hell alone. I didn’t do nothing at all. I’m a good person I have morals and I have everything that is fit for me. But why go for everything I care about huh? Let me heal in peace. I can’t even pick up a fucking pencil with other thinking about whenever I could draw good, or even take a breather. it’s disabling its fucked and it’s hurts. Leave me alone. I’m too young to bear this pain. Living isn’t supposed to be a chore. It supposed to be something to look toward to the happy things in life. I fear I’d slip one day and do something awful to myself. It takes more than two painkiller to kill you right? I won’t do anything bad. Maybe I shouldn’t consider this though. I feel like I’ve reach pure insanity with my mental health. Maybe I am depressed or something. God I need help. But why do people try to even help me? Why do they care? I feel myself switching. I’m trying my best to not believe anything my thoughts are telling me. I feel so awful to the point I feel happy. What type of sick shit is this? I do care. But at the same time I feel nothing. This is terrifying and torturous. Please help me. What is this?

Username: livingnightm...

Date posted: 30w ago

trigger warning: Does anyone have advice

Do you cope with genuine hopelessness? Deep down I am convinced this will never get better. I think about suicide a lot, but that would hurt my family. But even being alive is hurting them because I cannot stop the mental breakdowns. I also cannot afford therapy. But it's the hopelessness. I feel that suicide is inevitable because I cannot live with this. I cannot stop self harm and I have a mental breakdown almost every week and often multiple times a week. The self harm is giving me brain damage. I literally have no hope. None.

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Suicidal Thoughts (TW)

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