- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
I am going through the same thing, this is OCD as its finest. OCD is just about doubting, you started doubting your sexuality, then you heard about HOCD (I‘m sure you have it, because if not, you wouldn’t be here) and felt relief. Now OCD is like „She is feeling relief? Hell no, that’s not what I wanted! Now let’s start and making her doubt about HOCD and make her believe she is in denial!“ Every kind of OCD has this kind of denial-obsession. Don’t worry
- Date posted
- 6y
No one can tell you if you are or not. I can relate Sometims i feel like i am denying, than i try to imagine myself with girl, and i torture my self. My mind said but what if you like this, but you lying, or what if you feel good, than i check once again, than i feel more stressed. It doesn help, that i have groinals or arousal, when i do compulsion. I know that is bad, but i dont know what to do I check my reaction to every girls, even with my friend, i cant relax and be happy when i am with them You are not alone
- Date posted
- 6y
@MentalHelp what you described is exactly what happened to me. I remember the day I discovered hocd. I've never felt more relieved in my entire life, but it was very short lived.
- Date posted
- 6y
You will be ok. Honestly, detoxes from social media helps. Sometimes when you scroll through and see pictures of people it can trigger you but also just thinking about it is triggering. If the thought of you being homosexual gives you anxiety, it most likely means you aren’t homosexual. If you were homosexual, you would want to be with someone of the same sex. And think of it this way, if you don’t want to be with a girl, don’t be with a girl. No one is forcing you to be with anyone. If you were truly homosexual, you would still have to make the choice of being in a relationship with a female. You don’t have to if you don’t want it. And if you don’t want it, you aren’t homosexual.
- Date posted
- 6y
Heya, it sounds like you’re looking for reassurance which is not going to be helpful in the long term. OCD always finds a loophole! I’m really sorry you’re feeling so confused though, I understand the feeling. Maybe you could try the SOS feature on this app to help stave off compulsions right now ☺️
- Date posted
- 6y
But have you gone through this same feeling? I just need to know that.
- Date posted
- 6y
Maybe you feel you like it because you are afraid , or becuse of groinals If you liked you will not be stressed
- Date posted
- 6y
I relate 100% to this.
- Date posted
- 6y
Yessss
- Date posted
- 6y
Thank you, it just feels like I’m denying it. Idk if I am or not. Idk what the truth is anymore. I keep picturing things and it feels like I like it. But idk anymore. I have a bf and I enjoy being with him. But the worry about being attracted to girls continues to be there.
- Date posted
- 6y
Yes^ , I was like oh okay that’s what’s happening. But I knew it was just like all the other thoughts I had before this. But this just all feels so damn real. I’m analyzing every little thing and when I feel like it real I get the hot flashes and a bit light headed. It’s so painful.
- Date posted
- 6y
Thank you Kristen! I appreciate you’re reply. I have so many panic moments it’s painful.
- Date posted
- 6y
I understand. It would be nice if there was an off button for our brains, right?
Related posts
- Date posted
- 23w
im so scared that this is just denial and that im actuall gay. idk what to do anymore i need help. its just constant anxiety in my chest and i hate it. is there anything i can do to help?
- Date posted
- 22w
I am very depressed right now. I really feel like maybe I’ve always been a lesbian and never knew. I never questioned my sexuality when I was young, never wanted to explore, I just was straight and didn’t think anything about it, that’s just what it was. I had my first soocd spiral in late high school but didn’t have a name for it, just that I was having intrusive thoughts and it was killing me that maybe I was gay. I can’t exactly remember how I got out of that but I continued to have crushes, talking stages, and dated. It went away and that was that I guess. Looking back now I definitely was still avoiding content and certain people, and still had intrusive thoughts but didn’t think I was gay. I guess they were less sticky. Something about me is that I’ve never had a boyfriend and I’m a virgin. I’m very shy and romanticize things like I love the relationships and scenarios I read about or that I see in movies or the thirst traps online haha. So I want that irl but am disappointed when that doesn’t happen. I have a very interactive daydream (started when I was 13 and still continued that fantasy world now too) with a boyfriend, friends, and a prettier version of me. I enjoyed making up scenarios about sex or romance in those daydreams and fantasies, but when it came to real life, I would get shy or scared when things were starting to get serious with men. I thought maybe this was an avoidant attachment style but now I’m not sure. I never considered female fantasies and I still don’t want to right now. I want to test and see which one I like better, but I’m afraid I’ll find that I’m a lesbian and I really don’t want that. Ive always imagined myself with a man but now I’m worried about comphet. I’m really depressed and I can’t tell because yes, I find some women attractive whether it’s their makeup, face, body, aesthetic, but I never thought that meant I was attracted to them in a sexual or romantic way until this spiral. Now I’m afraid of masc lesbians and pretty women because it triggers me. But I’m also afraid because I feel like I can look at attractive men, but I don’t feel the same way anymore. I can’t even daydream about them bc then my brain inserts a woman. I’m really scared that I’ve lost myself, because I truly feel like I have, but I don’t want to explore with women, I just want to like men, I’ve always liked that idea. But so many lesbians talk about liking celebrities, fantasy men, or just attractive men. Sorry for the rant but I’m struggling a lot right now. I feel like all my memories, even the ones that directly contradict being a lesbian, can be explained away by comphet, internal homophobia, denial, suppression, etc. When I do try and accept uncertainty, sometimes it feels ok, but then something will trigger me and I’m back at square one. I’m afraid if I take my meds I’ll discover something about myself that I don’t want to because I’ve always been depressed and avoidant of life because it never lives up to my expectations. My sexuality is on my mind 24/7! I can’t take it!
- Date posted
- 11w
I feel like the thoughts and feelings are getting stronger, to the point where they feel like they are my own and that I want them and want them to happen. Recently I’ve even had feelings of ‘wanting to be gay’ and that I ‘don’t want to be straight’, or that being with a woman would be nice even though that’s literally the one thing I don’t want otherwise I wouldn’t be constantly thinking about it day after day surely and if I wanted it I would just know? I feel numb and sick and terrified that I’ll just be what I’ve feared all this time. Why does my brain do this. I feel like I’ve lost so much already, I couldn’t concentrate on university work and I’ve had to delay my degree for a year, I’ve lost my purpose, and I feel so ashamed that I can’t tell anyone the real reason for it (I just told everyone the course was too much stress and was causing me anxiety) and it just feels like it’s getting worse to the point that it’s actually coming true, and I’m going to have to leave my boyfriend because I can’t be with him anymore. Why do the thoughts sometimes feel good? Why does it feel like real attraction? Why why why does it feel like DISAPPOINTMENT with the idea of never being with a woman wtf this is literally what I don’t want and never have? Even just writing that out my brain is telling me ‘it is’ and ‘I’m lying’ and I just can’t even believe myself anymore. I’ve tried telling myself the whole maybe maybe not but it just doesn’t work. It feels like if I accept I like woman I’ll want to be with one and leave him. Why does the idea of being with a man not fill me with excitement like it used to why do labels terrify me I genuinely just want to give up I still haven’t even told anyone about this cause I just feel like they won’t understand and that they will just think I’m struggling with my sexuality and the worst thing is I don’t even know what I want anymore cause of the thoughts and feelings I don’t know what to believe what if I am actually just struggling with my sexuality cause nothing feels right anymore
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