Someone help

I’m going through something similar, confessing is so hard not to do. I recommend start by sitting down with your partner and have an in depth discussion about how he can support you, not just you giving into compulsions as comfort. Talk about what he needs to do to help ease the anxiety of a compulsion in a way that exposes the compulsion and allows the anxiety to be dealt with in a healthy, controlled way. An example of this that I use is ‘hey (insert bf name) I had an ocd thought today I really need to tell you about it as I feel if I don’t I will always be guilty as I don’t know whether it’s ok or not to think this’ my bf will then reply with ‘maybe it is a bad thought maybe it isn’t, who knows, let’s not talk about it and do something else’. This exposes the compulsion, it doesn’t fulfill it, like for example ‘omg I thought today that I didn’t love you anymore and that I like someone else, I don’t I really don’t, I’m so sorry do you forgive me?’ And them simply agreeing to the compulsion to make you temporarily feel better, instead the method of ‘maybe it is a bad thought maybe it isn’t’ keeps your body at an anxious level about the thought but then moving onto a ‘let’s forget about it though and do something else’ forces the body to forget that anxiety in a healthier way that will rather than giving into the ocd. This won’t work immediately tho, you will be doing the distraction for ages and ages at first and still feel the anxiety and that is OK. you are bound to feel anxious over the thought and feel the need to confess, but you need to trust the process and your partner to help you both through this. I hope this helps xx

It’s extremely hard not to confess as a compulsion, but it ultimately is a compulsion that will continue to give your OCD power. I’ve had a really difficult time balancing this with my partner. I never want to feel like I’m lying to him by not telling him everything in my brain, but the truth is so many things pop into my brain that I don’t have control over, but I do have control over ignoring them and not repeating them out loud- this gives the thoughts way less power. I have felt very overwhelmed, distressed, and alone at times and talking to a family member or my partner helps so much. But I try to keep it to things like “I’m having really scary thoughts I know they’re not true but I’m just really overwhelmed” and my boyfriend will know somewhat what’s going on without me actually having to say the content of anything. I get tons of anxiety over not telling him everything, but over time I’ve realized not confessing is so much better overall, before I was dealing with immense guilt over telling him every thought, and intense fear that he believed the thoughts were true. Now I sit with the anxiety and it sucks but it doesn’t feed my OCD. I will pray for you & I hope this helps!