Did EDMR help?

I’ve been really struggling with Relationship OCD since I got married, and 3 years later, I’m afraid I’ve lost the love of my life. Between the Relationship OCD, the Religious OCD, and the Sexuality OCD, she couldn’t handle it anymore. Now that she left, the fog of doubt has faded, and I’m realizing how much I truly loved her all along. I just don’t understand how our minds can play such sabotaging tricks on us. And why? I don’t know what to do. I hope and pray we eventually get back together, but I know I need help. I want to do whatever I can to return to a place where she can feel loved by me, the way she did before ROCD took over. Is anyone here going through something similar? Has anyone overcome ROCD? Were you able to repair your relationship? I’d really appreciate any insight or advice. Thank you.

I read about ERP and have seen information about it on here. One of the goals is to say, "maybe I am this or that...ect." That terrified me. The thoughts and images that go in my head are disturbing and upsetting. I don't want to even think about saying, "maybe this or that." It's devasting to have these thoughts and question why you're having these thoughts. Doesn't the "maybe" make it worse? The one thing that helps me is that is to remind myself that these are just thoughts and I know I'm not a monster, even if I feel like one. Is ERP not for everyone? Has anyone else had a problem with the techniques used in this kind of therapy? I had cognitive therapy for years with an OCD specialist and that seemed to help a lot. Writing out the worst case scenarios would make me suicidal. Im having a difficult time not obsessing over the "maybe" after intrusive thoughts now. It doesn't make it better.

Has anyone else had a rough start? I’m 4 sessions in and have had no actual ERP work happen, I have 2 different therapists because none have availability to meet 2 times a week. Both those therapists are not available for the next 2 weeks so now I’m going to see a new 3rd one. Each time I’ve seen a new therapist I feel like the whole first session is spent with them re explaining everything. I’m paying for this out of pocket because they don’t accept Tricare which is my insurance as a Retired Marine. So I’m 960 in, and honestly feel worse than when I started. I get zero suggestions on what to do between sessions and feel so incomplete after my session finishes. I feel like I’ve gotten more help asking chat gpt questions on EPR and how to deal with ROCD than I do in my sessions . Does anyone have any insight or helpful advice here?