- Date posted
- 1y
Feeling My Age
I feel like I am at the top of the age bracket here. I have lived so long with OCD and finally getting targeted help. It fascinates and frightens me. I wish I had this earlier in my life.
I feel like I am at the top of the age bracket here. I have lived so long with OCD and finally getting targeted help. It fascinates and frightens me. I wish I had this earlier in my life.
I am 63. I was finally diagnosed a yaar after seeing several therapists over the years. I suspected I had it back in 1986, but nobody else could see it. So maybe I'm the oldest.
"a year ago"
@Arabianhorselover We are the same age. I had a diagnosis - finally - about 20 years ago and many therapies. I had some that probably made me worse trying to fix the wrong problem. No one knew about ERP I guess.
@gixmo My therapists always argued with my OCD.
I am 50 years old. I was diagnosed at age 18. I just started ERP with NOCD last January. I see it as a great advancement in care for people with OCD. I am always thinking how much better this treatment is than what was available before. ❤️
Hey, I understand that. But I met people here with having OCD for 40 years, so your not alone
@WrappedinIvy I can think of childhood ruminations about 50 years ago. I am glad I found ERP but I wish I had it before. Never too late tho. Thanks for the support !
@gixmo I understand that. We are always here for you if you need help. I think there is nothing you could have done cause psychology evolved over time such as technology so it's because of the timal circumstances that you haven't found it in the past. It simply hasn't existed in that way.
I have struggled on my own with this for 35 years before I even attempted to get any help. You are not alone. Some days I say the same why didn't I do something earlier there is nothing we can do about it now. ❤️
Looking back, I realize I’ve had OCD since I was 7. though I wasn’t diagnosed until I was 30. As a kid, I was consumed by fears I couldn’t explain: "What if God isn’t real? What happens when we die? How do I know I’m real?" These existential thoughts terrified me, and while everyone has them from time to time, I felt like they were consuming my life. By 12, I was having daily panic attacks about death and war, feeling untethered from reality as depersonalization and derealization set in. At 15, I turned to drinking, spending the next 15 years drunk, trying to escape my mind. I hated myself, struggled with my body, and my intrusive thoughts. Sobriety forced me to face it all head-on. In May 2022, I finally learned I had OCD. I remember the exact date: May 10th. Reading about it, I thought, "Oh my God, this is it. This explains everything." My main themes were existential OCD and self-harm intrusive thoughts. The self-harm fears were the hardest: "What if I kill myself? What if I lose control?" These thoughts terrified me because I didn’t want to die. ERP changed everything. At first, I thought, "You want me to confront my worst fears? Are you kidding me?" But ERP is gradual and done at your pace. My therapist taught me to lean into uncertainty instead of fighting it. She’d say, "Maybe you’ll kill yourself—who knows?" At first, it felt scary, but for OCD, it was freeing. Slowly, I realized my thoughts were just thoughts. ERP gave me my life back. I’m working again, I’m sober, and for the first time, I can imagine a future. If you’re scared to try ERP, I get it. But if you’re already living in fear, why not try a set of tools that can give you hope?
I started dealing with OCD when I became fixated on health issues, particularly the fear of contracting a life-threatening disease. If I experienced any kind of medical symptom, no matter how small, that even remotely hinted at something potentially fatal, it would drive me crazy, and I couldn’t stop obsessing over it. Then one day, I started having intrusive thoughts about accidentally hitting someone with my car, and I would end up driving in circles to check if I had. Eventually, I found myself overwhelmed by a flood of new obsessive thoughts and compulsions. One day, while I was at the park, a squirrel came near me, and for some reason, I felt like it attacked me. I Googled it and learned that squirrels could carry rabies, which spiraled me into a deep fear of rabies. I became consumed with the thought I received a bite from a squirrel, raccoon, or bat any time I’m in areas that trigger me. It started off only being inside then transferred to even being in my own home. This made me obsess over every physical sensation in my body, compulsively checking to make sure nothing was wrong. One compulsion that I hated the most would to be putting rubbing alcohol on me to make sure that I had no open wounds. Every day feels like I’m walking around in a fog of anxiety, constantly worrying that I won’t even make it to old age. Sometimes, it gets so overwhelming that I just want it all to end. It stresses me so bad at times to where my brain feels like I’ve been studying all day.
A huge thank you to everyone. I am new to the app. I’m 28 years old and only recently discovered that my thoughts are a result of my OCD. It’s been so reassuring to hear other people managing the same thoughts I’ve been having.
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