transgender ocd relapse

Hi guys :) I am 21 now, but at 14 I read an article about a woman discovering she wanted to become a man and not realizing it until later in life, which prompted the worst OCD I have ever had. I was paralyzed with anxiety and depression over the potential of becoming a man. I am a woman, I love being a woman, and I identify with being a woman through and through. I thought experiencing trans OCD was behind me, and recently (I just switched from Prozac to Lexapro; I have been on Prozac since I was 16, so maybe that’s a trigger?) it came back. I desperately want it to go away. I feel helpless. I just want someone to tell me it isn’t real, but I know that’s reassurance

Username: BoosbootsBoosboots

Date posted: 36w ago

as someone who is transgender and had ocd i understand for me it’s like what if my trans identity is false ?!?! but the experiences i’ve had and the fact that i’ve experienced gender dysphoria and using HRT solidified my experience Especially in a social gender aspect as well

Username: Virgo!Virgo!

Date posted: 36w ago

@Boosboots it’s really just the idea that something you identify with/feel safe in/love or value can change. i can understand where it would be confusing because you have literally already transitioned or begun to do so. i just keep forcing myself to imagine if i was a guy and then checking to see if i like the feeling/if it feels better than being a woman so even though the experiences i have had reassure me im a woman the self-made need to “check” if i am feels stronger than my lived experiences

Username: BoosbootsBoosboots

Date posted: 36w ago

@Virgo! i think too is it goes into a deep discussion of like what does it mean to be a woman and what does it mean to be a man and like the roles and responsibilities that sometimes society puts on that. Especially within different cultures. I think for me what helps me calm down is that there is so much intersectionality with gender identity. Plus you can still be a masculine woman and still identify strongly with woman hood. ultimate you’re own definition of what a woman is or what woman hood is yours to make on how you feel ! for me i do think that physically i do align better with a more male/ masculine look but i still embrace my feminine identity. I think i more so struggled with the binary of what a man is and at the end of the day i was being forced into a box that i dont fit in. I think for me the label of nonbinary for me better bc of that and i feel secure in my trans experience with also embracing my feminine side without being like what if i was wrong and what if i am a woman. I feel really happy with being in this gray area

Username: Iloverowdy12Iloverowdy12

Date posted: 36w ago

I’m here if you need someone to talk

Username: Virgo!Virgo!

Date posted: 36w ago

@Iloverowdy12 thank you :) i just want to know there are happy and healthy girls out there who have experienced this and moved past it

Username: Iloverowdy12Iloverowdy12

Date posted: 36w ago

@Virgo! I had it when I was 20 got through it but now it’s back I’m 27

Username: Virgo!Virgo!

Date posted: 36w ago

@Iloverowdy12 I’m so sorry :( does it feel like it never left? Like I am somehow forgetting the freedom I’ve had from it for the last 6 years. I’m scared I’ll never feel the same again, even though I know I’ve gotten through it before, my brain is like “but this time it’s real”

Username: Iloverowdy12Iloverowdy12

Date posted: 36w ago

@Virgo! I feel the same way but the last 6 years I was so happy as a girl I had no question

Username: Virgo!Virgo!

Date posted: 36w ago

@Iloverowdy12 It sucks but it makes me feel better to know you feel the same way because it reinforces the fact that we both truly just have OCD

Username: Embee Embee

Date posted: 36w ago

it is okay to need reassurance! To reassure yourself, maybe try making a pros and cons list of what you love about being a woman. Writing down the reasons you know you aren’t transgender can help make them feel more concrete and real. When you feel unsure, look back at what you wrote and remind yourself that you don’t actually want to transition, it’s just a scary thought give yourself lots of grace and self care ❤️

Username: Ridethewave

Date posted: 5y ago

HOCD, ROCD and TOCD . . . So my OCD recently all began with ROCD, I felt guilty all the time with my boyfriend, I wanted to stay with him so bad and I love him so much but my anxiety kept telling me to leave and that something wasn't right, that I'm going to be alone forever. Then my HOCD came up, "something doesn't seem right, what if you're actually gay?" and I struggled with this for about 2-3 months. After accepting that even if I am gay, I'm staying with my boyfriend.. The theme of being a transgender came up. That was the absolute worst of them all. It was at a time my anxiety was at its Peak so I was feeling disassociated and my mind just tried to explain that feeling as "you're in the wrong body". I was thoroughly convinced I was a man in a girls body for a solid 3 weeks, I woke up and that was the first thing on my mind "your a man and now youre going to lose your boyfriend, your life and everything that makes you, you." I didn't want to be a man, but my mind was saying "too bad, you are". I eventually went to therapy for this feeling, (they didn't diagnose me with OCD so they weren't treating me as an OCD patient) the thoughts eventually went away but now I'm back on my HOCD. Ive now thorougly convinced myself that I'm gay and will be with a woman for the rest of my life. I don't want to be and this thought scares me. I want to be with my boyfriend, not a woman. But my mind is saying "too bad, just accept that your a lesbian, you're in denial, just come out" but I don't want to be a lesbian ? can anyone relate to the feeling of convincing yourself to the point where you believe it?

Username: cf05

Date posted: 2y ago

Why am I suddenly now wondering if I am transgender? Like I look in the mirror and do not feel pretty at all anymore and when I talk I feel like I worry about sounding masculine, as well as if people think I look masculine, etc. I am a straight woman and have been battling with intrusive thoughts about my sexuality for some time now, and I am now suddenly questioning my gender identity too. Has anyone else with SOOCD experienced this, where you develop TOCD as a result of endless rumination cycles surrounding your SOOCD? Like I look into the future and know that I want to be a wife and mother and I want to have a husband and kids, but my OCD is telling me that I will be and act like a man and that will never happen. This is literally 10000x more distressing to me than my SOOCD was because I have honestly never understood the concept of being transgender but now I fear that that is who I am and who I have to be. Please help I cannot be the only one suddenly feeling like this. I want to feel confident and pretty and feminine again and I feel like I am never going to be able to. How do I know that this isn’t gender dysphoria/that I really want to become a man

Username: kelscrane

Date posted: 1y ago

TOCD

Does anyone here experience transgender OCD? It’s been my main theme for 2 years and with that I get HOCD (worrying that I’m a gay man). I identify as a bisexual woman and these thoughts have been so distressing to me. They feel so real. I’d really love to connect with people who are going through this.

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transgender ocd relapse

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