transgender ocd relapse

Hi guys :) I am 21 now, but at 14 I read an article about a woman discovering she wanted to become a man and not realizing it until later in life, which prompted the worst OCD I have ever had. I was paralyzed with anxiety and depression over the potential of becoming a man. I am a woman, I love being a woman, and I identify with being a woman through and through. I thought experiencing trans OCD was behind me, and recently (I just switched from Prozac to Lexapro; I have been on Prozac since I was 16, so maybe that’s a trigger?) it came back. I desperately want it to go away. I feel helpless. I just want someone to tell me it isn’t real, but I know that’s reassurance

Username: BoosbootsBoosboots

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 41w ago

as someone who is transgender and had ocd i understand for me it’s like what if my trans identity is false ?!?! but the experiences i’ve had and the fact that i’ve experienced gender dysphoria and using HRT solidified my experience Especially in a social gender aspect as well

Username: Virgo!Virgo!

Date posted: 41w ago

@Boosboots it’s really just the idea that something you identify with/feel safe in/love or value can change. i can understand where it would be confusing because you have literally already transitioned or begun to do so. i just keep forcing myself to imagine if i was a guy and then checking to see if i like the feeling/if it feels better than being a woman so even though the experiences i have had reassure me im a woman the self-made need to “check” if i am feels stronger than my lived experiences

Username: BoosbootsBoosboots

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 41w ago

@Virgo! i think too is it goes into a deep discussion of like what does it mean to be a woman and what does it mean to be a man and like the roles and responsibilities that sometimes society puts on that. Especially within different cultures. I think for me what helps me calm down is that there is so much intersectionality with gender identity. Plus you can still be a masculine woman and still identify strongly with woman hood. ultimate you’re own definition of what a woman is or what woman hood is yours to make on how you feel ! for me i do think that physically i do align better with a more male/ masculine look but i still embrace my feminine identity. I think i more so struggled with the binary of what a man is and at the end of the day i was being forced into a box that i dont fit in. I think for me the label of nonbinary for me better bc of that and i feel secure in my trans experience with also embracing my feminine side without being like what if i was wrong and what if i am a woman. I feel really happy with being in this gray area

Username: Iloverowdy12Iloverowdy12

Date posted: 41w ago

I’m here if you need someone to talk

Username: Virgo!Virgo!

Date posted: 41w ago

@Iloverowdy12 thank you :) i just want to know there are happy and healthy girls out there who have experienced this and moved past it

Username: Iloverowdy12Iloverowdy12

Date posted: 41w ago

@Virgo! I had it when I was 20 got through it but now it’s back I’m 27

Username: Virgo!Virgo!

Date posted: 41w ago

@Iloverowdy12 I’m so sorry :( does it feel like it never left? Like I am somehow forgetting the freedom I’ve had from it for the last 6 years. I’m scared I’ll never feel the same again, even though I know I’ve gotten through it before, my brain is like “but this time it’s real”

Username: Iloverowdy12Iloverowdy12

Date posted: 41w ago

@Virgo! I feel the same way but the last 6 years I was so happy as a girl I had no question

Username: Virgo!Virgo!

Date posted: 41w ago

@Iloverowdy12 It sucks but it makes me feel better to know you feel the same way because it reinforces the fact that we both truly just have OCD

Username: Embee Embee

Date posted: 41w ago

it is okay to need reassurance! To reassure yourself, maybe try making a pros and cons list of what you love about being a woman. Writing down the reasons you know you aren’t transgender can help make them feel more concrete and real. When you feel unsure, look back at what you wrote and remind yourself that you don’t actually want to transition, it’s just a scary thought give yourself lots of grace and self care ❤️

Username: Vieira da $$...

Date posted: 4y ago

My cisgender OCD (telling me I’m not trans) is back for the first time since I did my full course of gender-OCD-focused ERP. It hurts. It makes it harder to have a healthy relationship with my body, a healthy sense of self, respect for all I’ve done to get as far as I’ve gotten as a transgender woman. I can really feel the difference the ERP made in the severity of symptoms and in how I handle them, and yet here I am again, dealing with obsessive and intrusive thoughts that I’m really a man. I wish more people understood just how painful this is.

Username: mel774

Date posted: 1y ago

Someone please help!

So basically I’ve been dealing with obsessing thoughts about my sexuality and gender orientation. Although the majority of my thoughts are about my gender. It’s really freaking me out! I had a really bad issue with this when I was a freshman in high school. The thoughts became much less intense and I was able to live my life although I still got anxious about it from time to time. Now I’m in college and I recently began another very intense and distressing obsession about whether or not I’m attracted to girls or whether or not I’m transgender. It’s been six months of never ending anxious thoughts that really bother me. I want to be girl (which I am now) and date boys but I have these thoughts that what if I liked girls or wanted to be a boy and that causes me sooo much anxiety. I just worry so much because I sometimes have thoughts that I am uncomfortable being a woman and with feminine things even though I really like traditionally girly things and have all my life. There was never an ounce of evidence in my childhood but I’ve heard that some people don’t find out until they’re older and they sometimes don’t have any evidence from childhood so this doesn’t reassure me. Anyways, sometimes I have thoughts that it would make sense if I were a boy and that would be more like me even though I don’t want it to be and have never really felt like that. Lastly, I get really anxious because although I’ve felt much better with these obsessive thoughts over the past few years, it still came around once in a while. Why wouldn’t it go away? If I weren’t transgender, wouldn’t it have gone away? I just need some help. I don’t know what’s happening to me? I get scared because I just want to be me but sometimes it feels like it could be wrong and I can’t tell if it’s just my anxiety or what?

Username: maybealex

Date posted: 47w ago

!!TRANS FOLKS!!

Do any other trans people with OCD get intrusive thoughts about faking being trans or misgendering them? On a pretty much daily basis I go through this cycle of either accidentally misgendering myself or getting the thought of “you’ve been lying for the past 10 years and you’re actually not trans” and it always sends me into a spiral. My dysphoria tends to fluctuate and it gets worse when my dysphoria is lower than normal. Logically I know fluctuation is a thing that most trans people experience at some point but I still ruminate over it. Any other trans folks here experience something similar? If so, do you have tips to break that pattern of thought?

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