I don’t know if I can do this much longer

I am also thinking like "i wasn't a good child" I think we all made mistakes when we were children. I know it is hard, I am also struggling but we need to understand that everyone don't have to know everything, everyone made mistakes, made horrible mistakes but those mistakes are not the end of the world. When I was a child I saw my brother topless from reflection of computer screen and I looked knowingly. I don't remember before and after the incident. Probably I didn't feel anything "wrong" but now i feel like it was a horrible mistake and I need to confess it to my brother. But we shouldn't feed our compulsions, therefore I am not gonna tel anything about it to my family, it is harmful. By the way when I was a kid I also catch my brother looking at me when I was changing my clothes but he close his eyes when he saw that I saw him. This is same thing but I dont feel angry to him, I can understand him because we both were children and these things can happen. Maybe knowing that you are not alone may help, have a nice day.

I hope we can understand ourselves as we understand other people

Hi- I am so sorry you are struggling with this kind of intrusive thought chain. Looking back at even minute moments of our past that give us anxiety can be debilitating. If it brings you some comfort, I truly believe that interest is normal for children. Especially going through puberty kids become more interested in how physiology and bodies are different. You looking at your brother shirtless or him looking at you changing is not gross. Please don’t hate yourself for something so innocent. But I do not mean to invalidate your feelings. I just truly feel you could benefit from talking some of these out with a therapist so you can see how these actions do not make you “disgusting”. I struggle with other things that make me feel “gross” or similar so I cannot judge you for what moments impact you today. But I send my support 🩶

hey, i'm really sorry to hear you're feeling this way. it sounds incredibly tough to be stuck with those thoughts, but remember, your past doesn't define your worth or your future. 🌱 have you heard about "unstuck"? it's an ai-powered therapy tool at unstuckmyOCD.com that's been super helpful for me recently. another member here recommended it, and i honestly wish i'd found it sooner. might be worth checking out for some support.

Hindsight is a b*tch. You were a child and learning about the world. Sometimes we do stupid things when younger while trying to figure it all out. Sometimes it makes little to no sense. It's usually not the case of "I should've known better", but more " if you don't know, you won't know".