HOCD, ROCD and TOCD . . . So my OCD recently all began with ROCD, I felt guilty all the time with my boyfriend, I wanted to stay with him so bad and I love him so much but my anxiety kept telling me to leave and that something wasn't right, that I'm going to be alone forever. Then my HOCD came up, "something doesn't seem right, what if you're actually gay?" and I struggled with this for about 2-3 months. After accepting that even if I am gay, I'm staying with my boyfriend.. The theme of being a transgender came up. That was the absolute worst of them all. It was at a time my anxiety was at its Peak so I was feeling disassociated and my mind just tried to explain that feeling as "you're in the wrong body". I was thoroughly convinced I was a man in a girls body for a solid 3 weeks, I woke up and that was the first thing on my mind "your a man and now youre going to lose your boyfriend, your life and everything that makes you, you." I didn't want to be a man, but my mind was saying "too bad, you are". I eventually went to therapy for this feeling, (they didn't diagnose me with OCD so they weren't treating me as an OCD patient) the thoughts eventually went away but now I'm back on my HOCD. Ive now thorougly convinced myself that I'm gay and will be with a woman for the rest of my life. I don't want to be and this thought scares me. I want to be with my boyfriend, not a woman. But my mind is saying "too bad, just accept that your a lesbian, you're in denial, just come out" but I don't want to be a lesbian ? can anyone relate to the feeling of convincing yourself to the point where you believe it?

Yes, absolutely. I'm in the same boat.

Yes. And actually, I’ve had the same themes in practically the same order as you. You’re not alone! Can you find an OCD specialist to work with? I think you’ll see a lot more relief that way. For what it’s worth: every time I’ve accepted my intrusive thoughts as true, they’ve gone away. I accepted that I was gay, then I quickly realized I wasn’t. Right now I’m accepting that I’m trans. And the more I do it, the more I feel like a woman again. When it comes to ROCD, I once accepted that a relationship was wrong and broke up with him. Quickly after I could finally see/feel all that was right. Accept that you’re a lesbian! Not because you are, but because your intrusive thoughts only survive when you fight them. Whenever a trigger comes up that makes you feel gay: be gay! “Of course I just looked at that girl, after all, I am a lesbian in the closet. She’s so pretty! I’m glad I can accept that now.” And move on. “Believing” our thoughts often feels like the absolute last thing we want to do, especially because we convince ourselves that that’s the step that will make them finally “true”, but it’s actually a bizarre paradox that can actually free us.

Omg I just tried your technique and it made me feel kind of normal again ? like the second I said "well obviously you're looking at her, it's cause your a lesbian" the idea that it was true was suddenly lifted. How can It be that simple??? Once you say that to yourself, is it normal that thoughts come back and make you anxious again? How long did this practise take you in order to actually feel normal again?

Thank you so much again! ♥️

Thank you so much for the insight! But I don't necessarily want to leave my boyfriend and out him through that hardship just because I'm "testing out my feelings". I want to be able to grow while still being in a secure and healthy relationship :) but thank you, I will try the accepting the thoughts as they are thing and see how it works. It's kind of scary to do ?

I was definitely not suggesting you break up with him! I should have clarified that my approach in that case was a mistake but ultimately it stopped my ROCD theme. This was before I was diagnosed, so I still wasn’t sure what was going on or how to fix anything. I should have let the thoughts be without upending my relationship. By simply accepting them I could have overcome the theme itself. And I’m glad the technique worked! The thoughts will probably come back again because they’ve been on loop for so long it’s a habit, but keep it up! It can take a few weeks to really settle in and there may be some ups and down but you’ll notice a big difference over time.