- Username
- Ridethewave
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Yes, absolutely. I'm in the same boat.
Yes. And actually, I’ve had the same themes in practically the same order as you. You’re not alone! Can you find an OCD specialist to work with? I think you’ll see a lot more relief that way. For what it’s worth: every time I’ve accepted my intrusive thoughts as true, they’ve gone away. I accepted that I was gay, then I quickly realized I wasn’t. Right now I’m accepting that I’m trans. And the more I do it, the more I feel like a woman again. When it comes to ROCD, I once accepted that a relationship was wrong and broke up with him. Quickly after I could finally see/feel all that was right. Accept that you’re a lesbian! Not because you are, but because your intrusive thoughts only survive when you fight them. Whenever a trigger comes up that makes you feel gay: be gay! “Of course I just looked at that girl, after all, I am a lesbian in the closet. She’s so pretty! I’m glad I can accept that now.” And move on. “Believing” our thoughts often feels like the absolute last thing we want to do, especially because we convince ourselves that that’s the step that will make them finally “true”, but it’s actually a bizarre paradox that can actually free us.
Omg I just tried your technique and it made me feel kind of normal again ? like the second I said "well obviously you're looking at her, it's cause your a lesbian" the idea that it was true was suddenly lifted. How can It be that simple??? Once you say that to yourself, is it normal that thoughts come back and make you anxious again? How long did this practise take you in order to actually feel normal again?
Thank you so much again! ♥️
Thank you so much for the insight! But I don't necessarily want to leave my boyfriend and out him through that hardship just because I'm "testing out my feelings". I want to be able to grow while still being in a secure and healthy relationship :) but thank you, I will try the accepting the thoughts as they are thing and see how it works. It's kind of scary to do ?
I was definitely not suggesting you break up with him! I should have clarified that my approach in that case was a mistake but ultimately it stopped my ROCD theme. This was before I was diagnosed, so I still wasn’t sure what was going on or how to fix anything. I should have let the thoughts be without upending my relationship. By simply accepting them I could have overcome the theme itself. And I’m glad the technique worked! The thoughts will probably come back again because they’ve been on loop for so long it’s a habit, but keep it up! It can take a few weeks to really settle in and there may be some ups and down but you’ll notice a big difference over time.
Ok... I was doing good until a few weeks ago. I really was making a lot of progress until a few weeks ago. Backdoor spikes turned up and ocd came back with full force. Or at least I think it's ocd... I hope it is. My theme is hocd, by the way. I try to not give the thoughts much attention, but they're making me mad. It feels so real, and when I see coming out stories it just adds up, as if I should come out too. It terrifies me, every day I think about wanting to die, to not wake up, to cease existing. It's been so draining, and so lonely. I don't want to be in the closet, I don't want to have romantic relationships with women. And ocd makes me question why that: because of my morals? What if your sexuality goes deeper than your morals and you're just denying you like women? Maybe you should try it out, you'd like it. This scares me so. much. And the thing is: I watch same sex porn. It turns me on. I've seen on the internet many women actually watch same sex porn, but ocd makes me question if my case isn't different from other women. All the time I'm worried that I'll just lose control and kiss any woman that's by my side. I haven't had any experience with men either, as I'm reserved and a hopeless romantic (high expectations). I've liked men before, though, and I still have many crushes today. Ocd tries to convince me this is just a cover up. This is just destroying my life. This is daily torture, I can't imagine myself living with this forever. What am I supposed to tell my eventual boyfriend, my husband? How am I supposed to have children in this state of mind? What if some day I just snap out of this and actually realize I'm gay? What if this question is actually me already admitting that I am in fact gay? Honestly, it's too much. This was quite hard to write, and I tried to include here as much as possible of my insecurities. If you read till here I'm grateful. Just wanted to say that I DON'T have anything against gay people, even though they're making me very anxious since this all started, which adds up to my endless collection of intrusive thoughts (it makes me think I'm in denial because of some prejudice).
It all started two months ago when I was making scenarios in my head to fall asleep.. i was imagining myself kissing a man and then it turned into a woman. The moment that happened, I opened my eyes and panicked.. it was complete panic, i started sweating, crying and I couldn’t function anymore. I started asking myself “am i gay”, “i have to come out to my boyfriend”, “i have to come out to everyone”, it was all within the span of 10 minutes… soooo overwhelming!! My mind acted as if I was gay, I lost my sense of identity, I couldn’t even trust myself anymore even when I reassured myself. It was such an awful cycle, to look at any person, a man to make sure i was straight, and a woman to make sure I wasn’t gay… i feel ashamed saying this. If i looked at a woman a certain way, like oh she’s pretty, my mind would say yes u see ur gay. After two months, I imagine any interest with a female stranger as a confirmation of being gay, I’m so nervous all the time, i start sweating and checking for groinal responses (the worst is when the response happens).. i cant afford a session with a therapist now, and i keep saying that i dont have OCD, im in denial, and that one day ill be gay. Can someone offer some insight on wether this sounds like OCD?
I had Tocd and now it has turned into HOCD. But this HOCD is…complicated? I’m Asexual Panromantic, so i love everyone. However, OCD has been telling me i’m actually a lesbian and that my attraction to men/anyone who identifies as a man is false and i’d be happier with a woman. The thing is, I always leaned on men. Like i prefered men. But i didn’t mind women. But i was more of a men type of pansexual. I was always certain on my sexuality, but now it keeps telling me i’m a lesbian and that i should stop loving men but i know i’m not a lesbian…? Idk this just feels like denial but i know it’s OCD up to it’s tricks. It’s just annoying.
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