My close family thinks I am cured

Hello everyone! So let me tell you my story. My OCD started the typical way, it involved mainly around the contamination theme, I was around 11/12 years old. It was very bad, very very bad, I lost hours upon hours cleaning my hands, touching things repeatedly a certain number of times, etc. My family eventually talked about it to the GP who could immediately tell it was OCD. After this, he sent me to a "therapist", with whom I had a very bad experience. He used psychoanalysis, which clearly did not work, it even got worse... Looking back, I think medication and proper therapy could have saved me a lot of time. I stopped seeing this person (one of the best things I did in my life, I think). Then, finally, out of frustration, and knowing that I had a mental disorder, that all my anxiety came from this thing called OCD, I accidentally started some primitive form of ERP without knowing it. I did not stop doing compulsions, but started doing them in a bad way. Then not doing them, having the "f* it, let's see what happens if I don't clean my hands now" mentality. It all finally went away, my OCD was "cured". At least, that's what my family thinks, and the new GP I had in the meantime too. It only stopped for about three years (which is amazing, actually). Then I started having other OCD themes, and because I did not see a proper therapist when I first got "diagnosed", I thought it was not OCD, because I was "cured". It went on and on for months, no one saw it, my compulsions involved replaying things in my head, checking things by googling them, I even had some digital OCD which made me reset my devices a countless number of times. Eventually, this feeling I got, well, it reminded me of something, let's search if OCD can be something more than a fear of contamination: holy moly, it IS OCD. I did not want to see a therapist, by fear of telling my family that I need help, and started to mimic some kind of ERP, which was insanely difficult with these themes, it eventually worked out. I "managed" it, and learned in the meantime I will never be cured. I can only try to manage it when it comes. But the thing is, everyone thinks I am cured, shouldn't my GP know that it cannot be? Well. I am writing to this community to first let everyone know that this disorder can be managed, it only is a matter of time and perseverance, and also, for you to keep in mind that therapy is important, because it gives you the tools to manage it in the long term. Another reason that I am here is that I am having another round of OCD at the moment, but this time, do you think I should tell it and get proper help, or that I can manage it myself given my track record? Thank you for reading this huge post.

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 30w ago

Hey! Awesome that you found your own form of ERP, but definitely should get help this time around :) Two are better than one. Why go it alone? That makes it harder. If you have the resources to proceed with NOCD, go for it. Also, maybe consider sharing with your family about the resurfacing of OCD. Better for things to be in the light so shame and stigma don’t proliferate. But that’s only if they’ll be supportive to you :)

Username: JediMJJediMJ

Date posted: 30w ago

Thanks for sharing your story. It’s impressive that you figured things out for yourself. You ask if you should get proper help or manage it yourself…only you can answer that question. Would you like that extra support? Would you prefer to continue on your own? I tend to be independent and prefer to handle things on my own, but asking for help has been really good for me. My therapist has helped me gain clarity, understanding and more self-compassion. (And it’s important to find someone who’s a good fit. I had therapy before and it wasn’t meeting my needs.) Therapy has given me more tools and a comforting sense of not being alone. I like feeling supported. Wishing you all the best on your journey. 🙂

Username: deemajical

Date posted: 5y ago

It’s been a few months since I’ve been on here and I’m happy to say it’s because I am pretty much pure o, ocd free! This app really did help so much! I want to share the things that helped me get a grip on ocd. I don’t want to use the words “recover or control” because ocd is a part of our brains but it doesn’t mean it has to be a distressing part. I had my first ocd flare up in Nov and it hit me like a ton of bricks. I was crying and panicking almost every night for weeks, looking back I can’t believe I made it through the things I needed to do in life because I was a mess. But now I look at things like atleast I know what it is and how to deal with it when it comes. So here are my tips. 1. Reading about intrusive thoughts and pure o online and in books. I consumed as much knowledge about ocd as I could. 2. Starting erp therapy on my own and with a therapist. Though I do have a therapist to guide me 100% of erp is the work I put in. I would try all the recommendations of erp from accepting the thought, to making myself have the thoughts as practice, resisting compulsions, changing the way I reacted and thought about an intrusive thought, now this isn’t easy... but I did it all the time even when I felt the panic feeling and even when the ocd was strong, even when I didn’t believe it. I faked it until I made it 3. Practice is helpful, it took days of hard work especially in the first few months but that’s what I did, I considered every day, every intrusive thought as practice 4. Once I stopped the compulsions, (luckily mine weren’t very strong and I cut them off quick) I began thinking the thoughts that bothered me, and slowly added more disturbing content into my life (my ocd was harm ocd mainly) 5. I told myself that “yes that bad thought is real” and didn’t try to comfort my intrusive thought or push it away, if ocd said I was crazy and going to be locked in a facility then I agreed, I would say it in my head and sometimes out loud “yup your right ocd I’m crazy” 6. After acceptance and exposure I began working on being kinder to myself, I didn’t think that this step was crucial but it is.... ocd wants us to suffer and in a way it’s like by giving it power I wanted to suffer too, I told myself that ocd is a liar and I don’t want to suffer, it’s ok that I have ocd I accept it but now I must be gentle with myself 7. Learning to always default to these things when an intrusive thought happens, so much so that my brain does it naturally now ...a) hi ocd that’s cool but I’d rather not think about that and I continue doing what I’m doing, this is hard in the beginning but gets easier b) sure ocd I am definitely crazy but again I think I’d rather keep watching this show c) I am okay with the possibility of that happening but now is not the time for me to figure that out d) you are a liar and separate from me but thanks for the interesting thought ...8. Remembering these things: ocd is a liar, a thought isn’t sumthing u control but what u do with it is, if you don’t want to do something you won’t because of your morals and free will, this concept took me awhile to grasp but repetition is key. Almost everyone get intrusive thoughts so you aren’t unique or alone. I’ve learned through the ups and downs of erp how to combat my intrusive thoughts, how to be kinder to myself and how to change the way I think in order to live a better life. I still get an intrusive thought occasionally when I’m sticky but the way I think about the thought is so automatic now and so relaxed because of the work I’ve put in! If you are working towards erp don’t stop, keep going! I feel you, I know it’s hard and exhausting... 11 months ago I thought I was going crazy I was in the worst place of my life flash to today and it’s like I never even had ocd! You can do this I promise xx

Username: Halima 🧕🏼

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y ago

General

Hi everyone, how are you doing? It’s been a really long time since I’ve posted on here. I still remember at the beginning of this year (in January) I had gotten my ocd diagnosis. After that I did ERP and I did get better thankfully. Started doing mindfulness and being present in the moment. 11 months on I feel better than I was at the beginning. Yes there are times where it is tough, but after the rain there is always a sunshine Right now I feel like I’m relapsing, but the truth is ocd isn’t something that goes away… it’s something that will always be a part of you. You just need to learn to accept it. Sometimes when we get better we forget that ocd is still there, that’s when we get caught off guard. This is a reminder to myself first, always continue to be consistent with ERP. By the way, has anyone got any advice for when ocd themes/symptoms resurface again? Thanks!

Username: TofuIndulger

Date posted: 1y ago

Stuck

Hey everyone. This is my first post here and it’s probably going to be a long one because I guess I feel comfortable enough to be open here. I need help. When I first got diagnosed with OCD, I figured it only impacted a small part of my life. I thought I was only affected with compulsions and obsessions that dealt with contamination, tangible perfectionism and the obvious intrusive thoughts and that’s it. Well, I’ve come to realize that most of my thinking has been impacted by OCD. At this point the only way to describe how it feels to me is a forest of thorny vines growing in place of my mind or maybe through and around my brain constantly growing every-time I give into this type of thinking (which is basically all the time because I wasn’t aware this was OCD). I’ve definitely felt it more recently, but I know it’s always been there from what I recall from past memories. I got diagnosed not so long ago with OCD and I was happy to because it explained this thing I knew was wrong with me but I didn’t know how much it will and has impacted me in the past. So, I think I’ve created a matrix in my mind or strengthened the OCD thought patterns because now I feel like my OCD impacts everything I do. And I guess I’m saying I need help here because maybe you guys will be able to see it, maybe validate me and point me where I can get help. I’ve been telling the people around me, I think my thinking is disordered and I need help but I don’t think they really understand the amount it’s affecting me or grasp what I meant when I say “I Need Help”. I did have a therapist before but because of a insurance change, she can’t work with me anymore and I’m not sure when I’ll get another (just to clarify). Back to the matter, the past couple of months I’ve been in my head just thinking and thinking. About everything. To the point where my head starts to hurt or until I feel sick of thinking about it but I can’t. I find that’s my obsessions and compulsions (other than the need for order [which can also be mental]) are very mentally based and I find myself ashamed of them so I hide them so maybe that’s why the people around me don’t feel my need for getting help as much as I do. Anyways, examples of this have been, -constantly thinking about what’s the purpose of all of life and the hidden messages in life -feeling like if I don’t do everything perfectly then what the point or being very mad at myself -being obsessed with how I present to the rest of the world sometimes even in close relationships -having calculated movements and actions (having to move my body a certain way or it doesn’t feel right) -obsessing over an absolute truth -questioning friendships and other relationships - obsessing over achievements or failures -obsessing over people -obsessing over decisions and outcomes because I want to make the perfect decisions I could go on and on but basically it’s just a lot of thinking and ruminating and obsessing to the point where people tell me I look like I’m some where else all the time. And I’ve started to feel like I find comfort in it now. I’m also diagnosed with depression and anxiety and I feel like it’s all just OCD. And same goes for my dissociation. I feel like they all root from my OCD. I’m so tired of feeling like this all the time and without my therapist I feel like I’m stuck here. I can’t make decisions, I’m never present, I can’t make or keep friendships/ relationships, everything impacts me deeply because I create a emotional obsession to it, I can’t just be without questioning everything and I’m constantly in my head. I’ve also started getting high all the time because I feel like it’s the only way to escape my brain but I’ve felt like it’s getting out of hand. I’m starting to lose in any type of hope of getting better. Does anyone have an advice for working on OCD by yourself or identifying when it’s OCD (especially mental obsessions and compulsions) so I can start to chip at this boulder that’s weighing down my life and energy?

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My close family thinks I am cured

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