I’m struggling and some advice would be helpful❤️

Ocd I like to think of as a bully and bullies are fundamentally people who gain power over you the more power you give them. I mentioned this because as people with OCD when we get these thoughts they don't just come and go like for other people they linger and if they make us uncomfortable enough OCD will notice that and latch on to it. We will spiral and spiral until we start to use compulsions to try and deal with the anxiety we get from these thoughts from OCD, which in turn makes it stronger even if we feel better for a moment. Ocd in a lot of ways ruined my romantic relationship and part of that was because when I would get these different intrusive thoughts my first inkling was to confess instantly. I thought that was me being honest and honoring the relationship and although technically true, it was like me trying to call in the fire department to put out a match instead of an actual fire. All I did was bring a lot of worry and concern to my partner that I was not honoring our relationship even though in reality that wasn't the case. I didn't even know I had OCD at the time and so I thought well shoot. Maybe I am a cheater at heart. Maybe I'm just bad. But I'm not and based on what you're saying, doesn't sound like you are either. Having these thoughts and acting upon them are two very different things. We have thoughts all the time. I'm sure your partner has thoughts that trouble him at times too. The difference with us having OCD is that we have to put in a lot more work and effort to let those thoughts just be thoughts. Exposure therapy helps with that learning how to combat OCD. So maybe you sit by yourself in a room and you put a 5-minute timer on and you say something like " maybe I am attracted to this person. Maybe not." And you just sit with your emotions. Notice what comes up. How anxious you get. Don't try to answer them. Don't try and solve them away. Just notice them. It's incredibly hard to do, but little by little you'll learn how to manage. It's a fine line but that's what we have to do to walk over OCD. Like you said, you know the thoughts aren't true. I mean, how many times have we thought to ourselves something so ridiculous that we know isn't true I don't think anything of it. Like have you ever thought in your head " oh I'm so mad at this person. I'd want to kill them." Course when someone thinks something like that they don't actually mean it and so why would it be any different for you and these thoughts you're having? It's obviously easier to say it like that than actually learning how to manage it, but I use that comparison because OCD will take any thoughts we have and weaponize them against us, making mountains out of mole hills, and making us believe that we are the culmination of the thoughts we have. I don't know what the number is but everyday we're having hundreds of thousands of thoughts and not all of them are going to be our proudest but also they're just thoughts and what separates us from OCD is that we aren't acting on them, that you aren't acting on them. Ocd wants us to believe these thoughts are real, but the only way they become real is if we act on them. You're not alone and you got this. Hopefully this helps.

Man this is awesome i’ve had OCD for 25 years and married. I have relationship OCD and it’s always the urge to call it off, cheating either way. i’m happy to say I’ve been married for 17 years this year. I’m very blessed in my marriage. I have two beautiful children with her. Someone told me one time thoughts are just like a subway let them come in and let them go but OCD thoughts can be different. That’s where I take my meds and my faith and God helps get me through daily so whatever you’re going through take heart you’re not the only one and I feel for you as well. This platform I’ve been able to express myself for other people to understand that OCD is an actual disorder of the mind and you can overcome it. Trust me. I have had to do it for the last 25 years and I know you can do it as well. Anything I can do to help just shoot a message off here.