[22 M] Am I asexual or just triggered

How do I know if I’m asexual or if it’s really just hocd? Ive been obsessing over this for days. I don’t want to be asexual at all. I consider myself straight and not to long ago I got over the themes of gay and bisexuality of hocd. I don’t think about sex all that much maybe one every two weeks and I do want sex one day right now I just have that eh like it ok or whatever feeling about it and I don’t know does this stuff mean I’m asexual I have had slit of crushes before but I don’t know if I’m asexual. I need help!??

Ok so this might be long might not but I’m going to try and explain this very well ok so I have always dreamed about having a boyfriend and I’ll read novels and want that for me and I can imagine myself with a guy when I’m older and happy but right now I can’t whenever I try to think about it I get anxious and just want to cry cause more than anything in the world I want happiness but ever since I got hocd whenever a guy tells me they like me all I want to do I stop them from liking me and want to tell them to stop liking me I get an anxious type feeling and lately I have had the theme of asexuality like “am I an asexual? What if I turn asexual? What if because I get these weird feeling about boys liking me does that make me asexual?” I need some opinions of what people think and I also don’t know these could be new feelings to me I just have never dated or had a boyfriend I want one but at the same time “myself” doesn’t want me having one! What do you think?

I was 26. Seemingly normal (albeit) anxious man. Was with a newish gf. Seemingly at the same time I had some performance issues, I had the thought come in “you don’t feel anything for her” Instant loss of libido, instant loss of every emotion except pure dread/anxiety. It consumed me - the why? It was like I was being forced to feel something I didn’t want? And I couldn’t stop it. In my obsessive search for ‘why’ the thought changed to ‘am I gay?’ And exactly the same dread/anxiety overcome me. For months. My life became just solely focussed on ‘where is my attraction to women gone?’ ‘Searching my past for proof’ ‘checking my emotions’ ‘googling’ ‘figuring out how?’ ‘Was this true?’ I’m now 36. I’m married and have a young son. But my life has again been consumed by this. It’s like my mind seeks evidence to prove something I don’t want to be. And it’s so all consuming and all questioning that it feels like I actually want it? It gets so bad that I’ll even doubt I find it distressing and that I’m just making it up so I don’t have to tell my wife :/ It’s so distressing. Up until this thought came in, I never had to question what I wanted. I just knew I liked thinking about girls. I wanted to be close to them. There was never a thought about a guy? Doesn’t that mean I’m straight? Surely by 26, there would have been some incling of physical or romantic attraction to a man? But I’ve never felt the same since that day 10 years ago. It’s like I’ve lost the ability to feel happiness and to feel libido and attraction. Almost like I’m unable to until I figure it out? I’ve been diagnosed twice by psychologists. But it ‘feels’ like I don’t agree with them or I doubt it. My psych has been pushing me to practice response prevention. Sit with the anxiety of how real it feels. Accept it may be true and sit with the anxiety that causes. Ground myself in moments. The anxiety is so consuming. And I’ll go 3-4 days without looking for reassurance, ruminating, checking, but then it’s like a ‘feeling’ of ‘this is true, you know it’ and it destroys me. I panic, give in, and seem to compulse. Does this resonate with anyone? Is it still not getting any better after years because I keep doing the compulsions? Or am I just a gay person who didn’t realise till later in life and found out through losing feelings for my gf? Please help