please can someone respond

i wanted to reach out for some guidance i feel like i really need it. as we said, my anxiety levels have increased over the past week as i’ve gone forward with my scripts. i felt like our last session made me feel pretty off. one thing im struggling with is doubt within myself about my thoughts and train of thought. i feel like i constantly am checking and monitoring my thoughts and if it’s reassurance for anything. it feels like im not allowed to think a certain way and its become confusing. when i identify my compulsions and my reassurance i feel okay, but i feel like i don’t know where to go from there. it feels like i don’t know where to turn my mind to and that im not allowed to think any thoughts about my partner at all, even good one or my other situations in general, i feel like i get worried its just reassurance. it makes me feel sad because anytime i have a good thought my mind just feels blank at some points and it freaks me out because i just feel lost in that feeling. i’m doing my scripts and they seem to be going well, but i just am struggling because i thought i knew my feelings and had accepted these fears, now i feel like i just don’t know how to go forward with this.

Username: A_MMA_MM

Date posted: 25w ago

I believe in you! The worst will pass, I promise

Username: Lost-Lost-

Date posted: 25w ago

I’m not sure if this is helpful or not but, I have had similar experiences. When you’re able to take a step back from the tornado of meta-cognition and self-analysis and beating your poor brain up just for doing it’s thing, hopefully you’ll start to remember that it’s actually not abnormal for the mind to wander. It’s not abnormal to have ‘weird’ thoughts, or critical thoughts, etc; is my partner attractive, could I “do better”, am I actually in love… the list goes on. I sort of feel like people have a dynamic but ultimately passive relationship with the occurrence of thoughts. It’s normal for our brain to ask these things because it’s calibrated to keep you safe, healthy and secure. It’s not about what you think about but what you choose to focus on and cultivate. Your thoughts are like birds and your mind like a garden, if you focus on planting nice flowers you will invite more nice birds, but ultimately they are free to come and go as they please. You do not ever need to feel guilty about the occurrence of a thought, but it’s natural (and I would argue compassionate and respectful) to feel guilt about comparing your partner etc. One of the most important things OCD can rob you of is your faith in yourself and your own judgment. OCD often afflicts especially compassion and genuinely concerned people, which results in overcompensating with an unfair level of self-scrutiny that is actually not respectful of your own worth. Treat yourself kindly, you’re allowed to feel and think whatever you want, that is your God given right, and thinking about things is not the same as choosing to believe/ agree/ act upon, which OCD usually convincingly conflates. Sorry if I yapped a little bit but hope this helps, wish you all the best.

Username: Lost-Lost-

Date posted: 25w ago

It definitely sounds like typical OCD, and the obsessive spiral sounds like you’re checking what feelings and internal experience you’re actually able to rely on. Sometimes this can be a product of having rose coloured glasses on for too long, sometimes it’s because we’re not honest and faithful to ourselves but sometimes it’s just because of fear creating issues that aren’t there and a desperate need for certainty. Certainty is not achievable though, not really in any aspect of life and that’s kind of a nice thing in some ways. I hope you’re able to slowly stop second guessing everything about your experience, I feel that sometimes the cage we put around things to understand them, often augments what we’re trying to understand. So figuring out exactly how we feel about things ends up changing (and sometimes ruining) how we feel. Instead of just feeling it and relinquishing the illusion of control that overthinking gives us. (Sometimes it’s helpful to look inwardly though 🤷‍♂️) I’m not in any way an expert though so please just take everything I say with a grain of salt. I’m sorry if this didn’t really address what you were meaning but hope you’re able to feel much better and more at ease with your mind asap.

Username: bdads27bdads27

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 25w ago

@Lost- thank you for this, i certainly feel like i took off the rose colored glasses and maybe put them back on for a second. all those fears you mentioned certainly were true at a time, i feel like i got past them to the point where i was obsessing about if they came back. i think i wanted to put my rocd behind me, but my ocd will always be there. im realizing that. i think that now that ive actually talked about it bc ive been wanting to keep it in bc ive been obsessing about making progress bc its hard imagine ocd being here forever. i can see that everyone to some degree goes through this. i guess acceptance is a part of it but i never considered focusing on the positive too out of fear it was reassurance. i want to be okay more than anything and if i want that i need to push forward. redirect my thoughts and do all i can to make it there. it’s okay to have positive thoughts too, and it’s okay to feel all of this. thank you for that reminder. i really liked your garden analogy.

Username: Lost-Lost-

Date posted: 25w ago

@bdads27 Acceptance is such an important part of the healing process, especially with OCD, I think your attitude towards moving forward seems super healthy and it sounds like you’re really doing the work. You got this!

Username: bdads27bdads27

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 25w ago

this is very helpful. i feel like i just am confused about why im checking to make sure that im not giving myself reassurance about literally anything even outside my relationship. i know who i am and what i want and i think all these great things about my partner, but it gives me anxiety and like im reassuring myself when thats not what im trying to do.

Username: bdads27bdads27

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 25w ago

@bdads27 i feel like i’m checking my good thoughts. for example: omg she’s so pretty, or like omg i love her i want to be with her and then my brain just tries to go oh that’s reassurance you can’t do that

Username: Jayjayg9494

Date posted: 3y ago

I’m really struggling today, my thoughts are so aggressive, they won’t stop. They keep telling me you don’t wanna be with him, and so much more and they are the exact opposite of how I feel. It’s been like this for days and gotten increasingly worse, I just feel so tired of fighting, I feel so alone. I feel so betrayed by my own thoughts and so out of control of my own mind. My birthdays coming up and my partner called to ask me what my ring size was, the minute I got off the phone I burst into tears. I had a very short therapy session this morning as part of a trial run free therapy thing being offered within the UK. The therapist was very kind, although it was only 20 minutes she said it sounds like you are really are struggling with anxiety, depression & intrusive thoughts, for a moment I felt relief. I felt believed, I didn’t feel so alone or like I was going insane. She encouraged me to challenge the thoughts, to hold onto the good things & to not let my negative subconscious thoughts destroy this relationship they on a conscious level I know I very very much want. I know that OCD attacks everything and over the last 7 weeks the spectrum of doubts, questions & thoughts I’ve had have been so broad and intense. But I honestly think this has to be the worst, feeling like your fighting your own mind to be in a relationship you want is a new type of torture. I just feel so defeated today.

Relationship OCD

Username: blaze19star

Date posted: 1y ago

heartbroken

I am so upset. I really always knew somewhere deep down i wasn’t a terrible human being but over the past 2 weeks something changed, i stopped having anxiety drastically and now have much more difficulty not believing thoughts. it feels like they are real. and i just don’t understand how i could be so repulsed by something the day before this happened and now feel nothing, i’m terrified. i’m 17. i feel like it’s all over. i’ve had periods where i lost clarity before but they came back but for the past weeks i’ve just been stuck and i can’t cope and i can’t explain it and i’m not sure what to do. i feel like these past 2 ish years of dealing with it are all a lies. but it just doesn’t make sense, i want to feel disgust not clarity? and now i feel no hope. i was supposed to get a diagnosis soon but it just feels like everything changed so quickly. how is this possible? im so upset and i can’t breathe or think and im terrified all at the same time as feeling nothing. it doesn’t feel like back door spike it just feels real. im a lost cause, i can’t do this anymore… i wanted to be good and now i feel like im what i feared. please help? i don’t know if this is ocd?

Username: hilovely

Date posted: 47w ago

Newbie to OCD

hi so i am pretty new to discovering ocd and trying to figure out why i am feeling the way i am feeling. i’ve never been diagnosed with ocd and honestly thought my anxiety was just super bad until it started affecting the way i saw my relationship. i’ve never had this bad of anxiety in my relationship and around november of last year is whenever i started noticing the cycle of repeated thoughts of “should i break up with him?” ive been with my boyfriend for almost two years. yes we’ve been through our ups and downs and our relationship has overall been such a beautiful relationship (super healthy compared to old ones) we love each other deeply and communicate and just overall find ways to help improve our relationship healthier and i’ve had a doubt here and there throughout these years but since last November i started feeling disconnected with him a little. i started to question sometimes if i really loved him. other times i told myself and asked myself if i should break up with him. if we really loved each other. i started focusing on his features a lot more. to the point where these thoughts around him made me feel so extremely uncomfortable. i’ve done all my research trying to figure out if I love him or not and trying to find reassurance and other people stories to see if they feel the same way I would also see how I feel whenever I was around him and it got to a point where I overall just felt very disconnected with him and a lot of different forms. I sometimes will forget about these thoughts and I will go out through my week throughout my days and I won’t even think about them and then something good will happen actually and it will trigger that immediate thought or sometimes we’re not even doing anything we’re just hanging out and being together and that will trigger the thought of wanting to break up with him and it makes me extremely uncomfortable and it makes me panic gives me anxiety and it just stresses me out because I know it’s not true, but my brain has tried to fully convince myself it is. I was doing really good and I figured out how healthy I wanted this relationship to be recently and because we’ve been so stressed on talking about our relationship and moving on even further and growing together, it started coming back and now I’m very very anxious again. I also have this type of anxiety of obsessing over things such as my health. When it comes to my gut health to my skin I have a very bad habit of having perfectionism not only within, my body face and everything around what is myself. I have a lot of anxieties, and I always thought it was just very severe anxiety until when I was researching why I was doubting my love for my boyfriend I heard of ROCD and I was super curious to know if I even have OCD, I brought it up with my psychiatrist and she doesn’t think that I have any. I have so much anxiety over this I feel like it’s physically and mentally controlling my body from how much it’s overwhelming me. I don’t know what to do. I keep convincing myself it’s not even RCOD and maybe I truly don’t love him but I have no other proof or feelings that that could be true. It’s just a thought that circles in my head and no matter how many reassurance I give myself it will come back within an hour, if someone could please give some advice I will have my own therapy session here soon and I’m very excited to know how I can overcome this

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