Have I liked my husbands friends

Has anyone else ever struggled with if they liked their husbands friend in the past? Actually a mutual friend. He’s got qualities I would go for in a different life in different situations, I’m sure I’ve had thoughts about it. But never wanted to pursue anything or leave my husband. So now with confessing things to my husband I tell him this but also say I “don’t know” if I actually liked them or just liked qualities like you woulf with anyone. But, I have this guilty feeling in my stomach, is it ocd doing that or is it bc I know I liked him more then a friend. My husband says I should know, I know what it’s like to like someone. But I really feel like I can’t tell the difference so I just want to assume I did and clear the air. But my husband says I can’t just assume the worst all the time.

Username: MegD6615MegD6615

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 22w ago

Acknowledge that “confessing” is a compulsion in this situation - it’s seeking reassurance. It’s also completely normal to be married and like the qualities in someone else either in the present or in the past. It doesn’t mean you don’t want to be with your husband. People think that once you get married that you can never have a thought about any other man ever again. That’s absolutely not true. I think the big thing here is not confessing and seeking reassurance. Maybe you did like him…even sometimes joking with OCD is helpful “Oh yeah, I definitely like him…” “That’s a good one!” “Thank you for the reminder.” Hope this was helpful.

Username: H250H250

Date posted: 22w ago

@MegD6615 This post helped me tremendously!!!! Thank you!!!

Username: HobbitHobbit

Date posted: 22w ago

Ouf, I've been there. You are not alone. I used to (and still sometimes do) get consumed by trying to figure out whether I liked people besides my partner -- and I would analyze my thoughts and feeling nonstop. For me, I would get stuck in this type of loop because I wanted to have that feeling of certainty about whether I liked the person and I thought I should be able to feel that feeling of certainty -- but I couldn't because OCD made me doubt. And it can sometimes be hard for people in my life without OCD to understand this. A flip way of looking at it -- I really love what Dr. McGrath (Chief Clinical Officer @ NOCD) sometimes says about this desire for certainty -- that we can't truly be certain about anything in life. Interestingly, for those of us with OCD, we will tolerate uncertainty in non-OCD affected areas of our life, but we won't tolerate uncertainty in specific areas (i.e. our OCD themes). It's definitely something I recommend talking to your OCD therapist about -- they may be able to help you gain insights into what's going on and ways to challenge/ERP your OCD here. Hope this helps a bit. Sending you hugs and encouragement! This is hard and you are not alone ❤️

Username: H250H250

Date posted: 22w ago

@Hobbit This helped me so much!! I am an ocd newbie and this gave me hope!!!

Username: HobbitHobbit

Date posted: 22w ago

@H250 Yay! I’m so glad! ❤️ welcome to the community! Yeah, OCD is a bully, but I’ve found ERP and NOCD to be incredibly helpful. I’m no longer in the passenger seat, with OCD driving. I’ve got one hand on the wheel (and I’m working toward having both hands on the wheel!) 😊

Username: Anonymous

Date posted: 4y ago

Fun new obsession! I worked under a TA who I thought was super hot. I was happily committed to my now husband, but at the time I still harbored a lot of attraction toward this man, to the point of occasionally fantasizing about him. I felt awful about it then and I feel bad about it now. I’m trying to rack my brain and make sure nothing inappropriate ever happened, I can remember hoping he thought I looked good and wanting him to think I was funny but I never did anything besides my work when I was with him. I’m convinced this makes me a bad person or even worse, that I’m destined to cheat on my husband. Other instances happened when I was drunk, never to the point of cheating thank god, but flirtations with other men. This hasn’t happened since I was a freshman in college as I stopped heavily drinking and realized how much I needed to work to be the best version of myself. I constantly feel guilty, like I need to atone for what happened. This is almost worse than the crippling HOCD I’ve been fighting. Please help❤️ and thanks if you made it this far lol

Username: OCDwoman

Date posted: 2y ago

I feel helpless. I have had sexual fantasies about women(I am a woman) but always desired to be with a man emotionally, physically, and romantically. I’ve never been with a woman in real life and never desired to. When I was single the thought of hooking up with a woman never entered my mind. I am married to my wonderful husband now and he knows all of the fantasies I have and it doesn’t bother him at all. However, I can’t stop feeling the obsessive need to define it and I feel it’s not right. I have this perfectionist in me and the need to have answers and define it. It sends me into this dark, depressive, OCD spiral I feel I can’t come out of. Does anyone else feel this way? I hope I’m not alone someone please help! Any advice at all is appreciated!

Sexual Orientation OCD

Username: Anonymous

Date posted: 1y ago

Confession - cheating ocd

I have this thought where i think ive chested on my partner 2 years ago when drunk at a party I really really dont think it happened because i only had the thought a few months ago “what if i cheated at this party with this guy who i barely even know” I see a future with my boyfriend and i don’t want to confess but i just feel like i have to JUST IJ CASE but i know it could hurt him so much and it probably didnt even happen I cant just ask the guy who i think i cheated with because were not friends and dont speak so if i message he will think im some freak Anyone in a similar boat or overcome this I just don’t know how i can move forward without confessing

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Have I liked my husbands friends

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