I feel like no one relates or understands me

no one ever responds when I post stuff and it sucks but I am not feeling good at all. I’m feeling so connected to my younger self and I can’t tell if it’s cause I might be living in the past too much but I had gotten to a point in my life where I didn’t feel too connected to my younger self but I didn’t really think anything of it but I’m starting to feel like my whole sense of perception has changed I can’t tell if I’m like dealing with depersonalization and I feel like my ocd sun types have become me or that they are the true me that I tried hiding or something which I’ve been dealing with TOCD right now and I have fealty with harm OCD in the past and I felt like I had gotten past my ocd but I feel like it’s been taking over everything and I can’t feel like how I used to without thinking I somehow assumed I was transgender or something so I don’t want to go back to that or to think that I am transgender because I do love being a girl but I don’t feel like a girl anymore or I think that the way I’m feeling now is the way girls actually feel or something. I feel like I’m kind of on autopilot but I’m not at the same time, I feel very just disorganized and messy I can’t keep track of things I can’t recall things I remember or know like my head is just blank I can’t keep on top of things I need to do like I used to, I can’t tell if I’m like getting severely depressed or something, i sometimes feel very weightless like not in my body or not connected to my body or something and when I do try to start feeling better I start getting so light headed and feel like I’ll pass out and my head starts to hurt and I just feel like my ocd doesn’t want me to be happy and it doesn’t want me to feel connected to other people or something like I feel like isolating myself so much or something and I just don’t feel good at all and I can’t tell if this is ocd anymore

I’m fairly new to treating my OCD and have felt crazy for most of my life. It didn’t help that no one in my life truly understood OCD and always said I was being dramatic. I very recently (within the past few months) finally got diagnosed with OCD and my whole life started to make sense. However, I recently opened up to someone I really believed I trusted about the intrusive thoughts I have and now feel worse than I ever have before. They essentially called me a psychopath and said they are worried for the people around me. Even though I would and could never hurt anyone. I’ve never felt more alone and broken in my life. I already try very hard to hide my OCD and everything associated with it because no one in my life understands so it’s been easier to deal with it myself than listen to everyone say whatever they have to say about my situation. After what happened today I’m even more inclined to just keep it to myself. I don’t know what I’m expecting from writing this but I figure this is the best place to write what I’m feeling. Going through OCD is hard enough on it’s own. But when people are telling you they think you’re a danger to society and are crazy because of your intrusive thoughts it really hurts. I’m just tired.

So cuz of my ocd I dissociate a lot. I don’t feel present often, but like I’m always lost in thoughts or sensations. I try to act normal. But even when I do, people literally treat me like “ok this girls a little weird”. I can’t explain it, but people literally think I’m off! Idk it’s very hard for me to be normal when I don’t feel right…. It’s very hard for me to maintain relationships/friendships now. I just always feel anxious x 100000000 Ugh does anyone understand or can relate?