Having POCD is the most damaging thing to ever happen to me. Like even if I get better or even if I get cured, the compulsions will always haunt me. I've always wanted to be a famous person. And my naive ass still has that dream, but if I get famous, I really wanna talk seriously and raise awareness about how extreme OCD can get. The problem is, how do you explain all this shit to people who don't have OCD and also convince them that youre not a genuine freak. How do you explain that "oh some people with POCD willingly think of sexual scenarios to check for arousal" or "Some people with POCD masturbate to their thoughts to see if they can achieve an orgasm and some of them do by pure stress response" and also how am I going to explain that I've seen rare cases of people with POCD who try to find CP in order to see if it arouses them? How am I going to explain this to people without them being like "so where is the fucking line drawn? Just because none of yall have ever hurt a child means that we should trust you?" It's bad enough as is that just because that one dude with OCD comitted a heinous crime and already people are pulling out the "its his mentol ewness that made him do that" shlock but also the fact that I've read that in extreme cases some folks with HOCD test themselves out with same-sex partners. Like to a normal person saying all this shit basically looks like I'm trying to paint a paraphilic disorder as an anxiety disorder problem, but at the same time it is what it fucking is and I still haven't seen anyone with POCD hurt any child. Just because there are some bizarre cases of desperate and extremely anxious possibly teenagers doing dumb shit doesn't mean that POCD isn't or has never been a treatable anxiety problem. I talked about this with a friend and she was like "why would you have to talk about any of that when you can just keep quiet?" Because it makes me feel like a creep in disguise. Yes, compulsions have made me do gross things but at the end of the day it was all self-harm basically. It never had anything to do with doing harm to anyone but myself. Yes people with OCD have the choice to resist compulsions, but if you don't even know whether or not you have OCD and you're not working with a professional, most likely scenario is you're gonna give into a lot of compulsions. People don't choose their compulsions as OCD is highly-individualized and different for everyone. And there's no such thing as a compulsion where you hurt a child to test yourself. That is absolute bullshit. I'm upset, because there was a study by this dickhead that was like "people with HOCD regularly or excessively look at gay porn. If CP was accessible, no doubt that people with POCD would be seeking it out too." ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOT. Whoever wrote that can fucking choke. I'd rather die than see shit like that. FUCK OFF. These fucking mental health researchers are crazy sometimes like someone tried to test how high pedophiles and other paraphiliacs scored on the Y-BOCS test.....What the fuck was the reason for that? Can you do something more productive? I am upset with how horrible this disorder is and how much nobodys ever gonna get it. I want them to get it, because OCD is treatable and harmless, but people are too busy trying to milk their own perceived moral highground to try and take this seriously. It's bad enough that most of us can't be convinced that our OCD is actually real and is OCD and that we aren't being lied to by our therapists or whatever, but if the more severe cases of OCD get exposed to the general public we're gonna have them reinforcing that to us too. I feel completely hopeless and I honestly wish that the people who would raise their eyebrows at someone who has severe OCD, do something to make fictional CP illegal, instead of being willfully ignorant at already tormented people with a harmless mental disorder. Like I seriously can't even look at erotic fanart of a buff rugged adult fictional character without having the most disturbing shit pop up in the "recommended images" section AND THIS IS GOOGLE IMAGES like this isnt some nasty smut website I got on. If people really cared about the safety of children they would be doing everything BUT making people with POCD feel like menaces to society.

It’s horrible / hard / frustrating but we need to take it 1 day at a time. I can go weeks feeling great and living a “ normal life” then the affects that POCD had / has on me we outweigh the good and positive days massively. I know I’m a good person but this terrible shit is something I have to live with 20% of my life ! I wish it would fully go but I don’t think it ever will and I’m trying to accept that.

I have recently moved on to this theme and it really helps to know others have had compulsions similar to mine. I went to therapy for HOCD after being undiagnosed for most of young adult life and I’m mostly able to take a step back and look at HOCD for what it is. But with POCD I feel like a monster. Once when I was really struggling with it I felt the need to check after having sex with my now husband by pressing down on my groin. My initial thought was to calm down and try to “expose” myself to the idea of sexual touch with the thought of a child. I could barely do this for more than a few seconds before feeling sick to my stomach, but it haunts me. I feel disgusting, like the fact that I even had to test myself to try and make myself feel better (I know, I know, this was a compulsion during a rough time, I TRY to give myself a break but it’s hard), is sickening. My husband is aware of all of this and loves me and tells me that’s not who I am, but sometimes it’s hard to believe. We just started trying to get pregnant and I went off my medication to reduce any risks and it’s been, needless to say, incredibly tough. I just want to say thanks for posting this - it’s good to know I’m not the only one.

I understand what you mean, but it’s what you think and what you know ! Forget others and what they think that’s just fueling the obsession and making it worse. Need to stay strong and the goods will outweigh the bads

This is an old post but I relate to you so hard man. Because of my (hopefully) OCD and other problems, I’ve been inspired by music that’s helped me to make music that relates to and comforts people through hard times. It’s my dream, to write lyrics that are with people when no one els is. I wanted to mention how I was influenced at first if I ever was interviewed about it. Initially I thought “I’ll talk about it just not mention the P part” then “I’ll talk about it but just say I had OCD” then I changed to “I’ll say I dealt with stuff” and now I’m too scared sometimes to continue with my band. I have an irrational fear that somehow my therapist would be bribed or the media would somehow leak my medical stuff and everyone would see it’s no one would care about the OCD part just the P. I’d be slaughtered and my life destroyed

I’ve had a re laps after 2 / 3 years on this shit topic, I hate it but I know I will get better. Just got to stay positive / active and get support from family / therapists. We will all be ok

Hi Anonymous, I just wanted to check in and see how you’re doing with this? Does my most recent POCD post sound similar to anything you’ve dealt with?

I just recently realized I had all the symptoms for this. I guess I've also realized I've had some type of ocd growing up as well. When I had my first baby, I had a lot of complications in the pregnancy. When he was born, he was diagnosed with a genetic condition. Because of this I went through extreme depression and anxiety post partum. After his birth I started having images of hurting him and POCD related thoughts. I searched online and found out that a lot of women after giving birth would have intrusive thoughts of hurting their babies physically, sexually and so forth. Knowing this information made me feel less alone but definitely did not stop me from over thinking and doubting myself. The first year of his life I hid my thoughts and depression because I was scared that he would be taken away specially since he is a special needs baby. Second year of his life I was doing my best to get some type of therapy but all those therapy sessions did was express my emotions which was good but didn't help at all in the long run. Now he's 2 and a half and I'm still in this journey. I would never want to hurt him, or any child in the world. It is absolutely disgusting to even have to doubt yourself, this is the effect on this condition so we just have to learn to adjust and learn ways to make it better long-term. Now I'm pregnant with my second baby and can't wait to have them both and love them with all I got. Sometimes I do think that ocd has only triggered to me in things that I care about the most, my children, my health, and overall family. It's crazy how your mind can turn on you with the things you love most in life..

I've never got diagnosed with POCD but I'm pretty sure I have it. It started like two months ago and it driving me crazy. I feel disgusting and like I don't deserve any good although I'm a great person!!! I've never hurt anyone and I always try to be best version of myself to others. I've told to 4 friends about those thoughts (two of them experienced the same thing) and they all excepted me and gave me the support I need. They all understand that I'm not a pedophile and that I wouldn't harm anyone. they believe me so don't give up guys! There are some good people you can talk to.

hey anyone in this comment section have any good coping mechanisms? i need something to help i can’t keep going on like this.

My compulsions have been haunting me so badly. I have done the deed to my thoughts to see if that would make me feel something and I feel so disgusting that I’ve completely stopped doing the deed all together. I didn’t know I had ocd when I did this and it was a past compulsion I had w my hocd. I feel like a horrible and disgusting person because of this. I don’t know how to forgive myself. I just want someone to tell me I’m not a bad person even though this happened. God I just wished it didn’t happen at all, and that I knew how to handle this earlier