- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
It’s horrible / hard / frustrating but we need to take it 1 day at a time. I can go weeks feeling great and living a “ normal life” then the affects that POCD had / has on me we outweigh the good and positive days massively. I know I’m a good person but this terrible shit is something I have to live with 20% of my life ! I wish it would fully go but I don’t think it ever will and I’m trying to accept that.
- Date posted
- 5y
I just don't know how to handle this in a way where other people won't be convinced that we're disgusting in disguise. I know people with POCD aren't bad people. I know they don't ever contribute to the suffering of any child and all they contribute to is their own shame and self-loathing, because they keep getting lied to by their own brain that IF THEY DO THIS FUCKED UP COMPULSION - THIS TIME IT'LL BE DIFFERENT AND YOU'LL FINALLY GET YOUR ANSWER. I wish people knew what it was like to live feeling like youve done every heinous crime on earth without even having comitted a crime once.
- Date posted
- 5y
I have recently moved on to this theme and it really helps to know others have had compulsions similar to mine. I went to therapy for HOCD after being undiagnosed for most of young adult life and I’m mostly able to take a step back and look at HOCD for what it is. But with POCD I feel like a monster. Once when I was really struggling with it I felt the need to check after having sex with my now husband by pressing down on my groin. My initial thought was to calm down and try to “expose” myself to the idea of sexual touch with the thought of a child. I could barely do this for more than a few seconds before feeling sick to my stomach, but it haunts me. I feel disgusting, like the fact that I even had to test myself to try and make myself feel better (I know, I know, this was a compulsion during a rough time, I TRY to give myself a break but it’s hard), is sickening. My husband is aware of all of this and loves me and tells me that’s not who I am, but sometimes it’s hard to believe. We just started trying to get pregnant and I went off my medication to reduce any risks and it’s been, needless to say, incredibly tough. I just want to say thanks for posting this - it’s good to know I’m not the only one.
- Date posted
- 5y
I've had way worse symptoms than you. You should not feel bad at all.
- Date posted
- 5y
I understand what you mean, but it’s what you think and what you know ! Forget others and what they think that’s just fueling the obsession and making it worse. Need to stay strong and the goods will outweigh the bads
- Date posted
- 4y
This is an old post but I relate to you so hard man. Because of my (hopefully) OCD and other problems, I’ve been inspired by music that’s helped me to make music that relates to and comforts people through hard times. It’s my dream, to write lyrics that are with people when no one els is. I wanted to mention how I was influenced at first if I ever was interviewed about it. Initially I thought “I’ll talk about it just not mention the P part” then “I’ll talk about it but just say I had OCD” then I changed to “I’ll say I dealt with stuff” and now I’m too scared sometimes to continue with my band. I have an irrational fear that somehow my therapist would be bribed or the media would somehow leak my medical stuff and everyone would see it’s no one would care about the OCD part just the P. I’d be slaughtered and my life destroyed
- Date posted
- 2y
I’ve had a re laps after 2 / 3 years on this shit topic, I hate it but I know I will get better. Just got to stay positive / active and get support from family / therapists. We will all be ok
- Date posted
- 3y
Hi Anonymous, I just wanted to check in and see how you’re doing with this? Does my most recent POCD post sound similar to anything you’ve dealt with?
- Date posted
- 4y
I just recently realized I had all the symptoms for this. I guess I've also realized I've had some type of ocd growing up as well. When I had my first baby, I had a lot of complications in the pregnancy. When he was born, he was diagnosed with a genetic condition. Because of this I went through extreme depression and anxiety post partum. After his birth I started having images of hurting him and POCD related thoughts. I searched online and found out that a lot of women after giving birth would have intrusive thoughts of hurting their babies physically, sexually and so forth. Knowing this information made me feel less alone but definitely did not stop me from over thinking and doubting myself. The first year of his life I hid my thoughts and depression because I was scared that he would be taken away specially since he is a special needs baby. Second year of his life I was doing my best to get some type of therapy but all those therapy sessions did was express my emotions which was good but didn't help at all in the long run. Now he's 2 and a half and I'm still in this journey. I would never want to hurt him, or any child in the world. It is absolutely disgusting to even have to doubt yourself, this is the effect on this condition so we just have to learn to adjust and learn ways to make it better long-term. Now I'm pregnant with my second baby and can't wait to have them both and love them with all I got. Sometimes I do think that ocd has only triggered to me in things that I care about the most, my children, my health, and overall family. It's crazy how your mind can turn on you with the things you love most in life..
- Date posted
- 4y
It’s crazy how undiagnosed this is and the lack of knowledge behind it. 1 in 20 new moms suffer from postpartum ocd. That’s a lot isn’t it.
- Date posted
- 3y
I've never got diagnosed with POCD but I'm pretty sure I have it. It started like two months ago and it driving me crazy. I feel disgusting and like I don't deserve any good although I'm a great person!!! I've never hurt anyone and I always try to be best version of myself to others. I've told to 4 friends about those thoughts (two of them experienced the same thing) and they all excepted me and gave me the support I need. They all understand that I'm not a pedophile and that I wouldn't harm anyone. they believe me so don't give up guys! There are some good people you can talk to.
- Date posted
- 3y
This is old but how're you feeling now?
- Date posted
- 3y
@luckydawg Did you ask me? I mean, I feel a lot better,like A LOT. so.. that's great but it's still there, the thoughts and the feelings of anxiety But a lot less, thank God...
- Date posted
- 2y
@bluesapphire Ayy that’s me, I’m generally very empathetic and I try my best to treat people the best way I can, I wear my heart in my sleeve and I love showing love and helping others. But now with my pocd and what my compulsions were I just feel downright terrible. I am only thirteen and I didn’t even know it was ocd when my pocd started and my compulsions only lasted a week, so yeah, intrusive thoughts and images are no longer there but the guilt sure is! Anyways how are you rn? I know it’s been years but if it’s possible I would really like to know how you are!!
- Date posted
- 2y
hey anyone in this comment section have any good coping mechanisms? i need something to help i can’t keep going on like this.
- Date posted
- 2y
My compulsions have been haunting me so badly. I have done the deed to my thoughts to see if that would make me feel something and I feel so disgusting that I’ve completely stopped doing the deed all together. I didn’t know I had ocd when I did this and it was a past compulsion I had w my hocd. I feel like a horrible and disgusting person because of this. I don’t know how to forgive myself. I just want someone to tell me I’m not a bad person even though this happened. God I just wished it didn’t happen at all, and that I knew how to handle this earlier
Related posts
- Date posted
- 23w
Trying not to seek reassurance, but rather connect the dots on my OCD and possible reasons as to why I am the way I am. I have severe OCD (or at least I hope I do) mainly surrounding POCD. I've had symptoms of OCD the majority of my life but this theme has come up more recently. When I was a kid, and i'm talking 6-7, I was first exposed to some really gross adult content online. It was introduced to me by a friend of mine around the same age of me. I saw some really disgusting things that a 6-7 year old should definitely not see. This was not a one time occurrence, as I had been exposed to taboo topics online years to come after that, such as the same friend introducing me to Omegle... And i'm sure you can imagine how that went, theres a lot of genuinely disgusting human beings on there. Coming back to the reason for making this post; is it possible to early exposure to this content could be one of the reasons I struggle with POCD? It genuinely scares me to death because you hear that real p*dos dealt with simular situations when they were kids, so thats kind of making me feel that this could be more than OCD, and I could be a genuinely bad person. My POCD feels so real, that at times i'm fully convinced its not OCD. Sometimes I can't even distinguish the feelings of attraction between a younger person and an older person, except for the feeling of anxiety and fear. Its really hard to explain without going into detail, but it just feels so real. Some feedback on this would be great, thank you all.
- Young adults with OCD
- Students with OCD
- False Memory OCD
- Mid-life adults with OCD
- "Pure" OCD
- POCD
- LGBTQ+ with OCD
- Date posted
- 20w
Being exposed to taboo p*rn as young as first grade ruined my life and now ocd is making me pay for it. I have so much guilt for being a child/teen and looking at taboo stuff, and it was all fictional or anime or whatever but it was still so so gross. and I didn't realize It because I had been used to it at so young 🫠 I think what haunts me most is when I was a kid/young teen (like 12-14ish) and didn't have access to p*rn I'd imagine stuff similar to what I'd seen in the art. I can't even believe I'd imagine scenarios involving kid characters or whatever because it had been so normalized to me and I assumed it was normal since it was fiction. I'm 23 now so it's been a decade since I've done anything like that and I've never had the urge to since but still. I've NEVER been attracted to kids or had any urges or anything ever, even when I was addicted. The thought makes me want to vomit, I'd rather die than associate anything sexual with kids/minors and I think people who groom or assault kids are vile. But I still feel like the fact that I imagined stuff similar to the things I read sometimes when I was young is proof I'm a p*do. I don't think people would believe me if I said I'm not. I just feel like I don't deserve to live or that if I do, I'm living a lie. I know 'I was a kid too' but even when I was 13/14 I read/imagined stuff with characters younger than me because I thought it was normal. I'm so disgusted. I've had this theme for so long I'm starting to wonder if ocd is right. I feel too ashamed to tell my therapist.
- Date posted
- 16w
Hello, I've struggled with possible OCD but it didn't involved POCD at first, at first it was basically me denying that I was ever a victim of grooming/pedophilia and how I was the real abuser towards my abusers despite the fact that I was the child, they were the adult, how is that possible??. Then eventually in 2023, I saw a video based on a FNF modder exposing him as a groomer/pedophile, and it was because when he was 17 he allegedly had an interaction with someone who was 15 that was nsfw. Now keep in mind, I was a victim of grooming/pedophilia especially since age 11 and even at 17, however I was also a bit of a promiscuous teen due to years of being groomed and I was having nsfw discussions/heavily sex positive convos with people who were 15/16/17 at 17 and I never considered how that could be inappropriate and my intent wasn't to be predatory but the fact that I was just simply exploring my sexuality, also a lot of the people I was doing this with, we were apart of a discord server that heavily encouraged NSFW convos between Teens and adults and it was made by an adult so bad environment overall made by an actual predator. However it didn't stop me in 2023 thinking that I was a pedophile as a teenager and I was genuinely worried and thought that I was a terrible person and I still do. I only did what I did because I was being hurt and thought it was okay, I never meant to hurt anyone and I at 19 literally convinced myself that I was a pedo in my under 18 teen years because of the age gap between me and my friends {1/2 years} and we had conversations that were sexual based even though I at 19 was dating my BF who was 22/23 at the time, I was 19 having sexual convos with adults, I at 19 had friends that were minors and our conversations were always appropriate and never nsfw or those same friends that I had previous convos with that were nsfw, {they were all either 17/18/19 and I was 19} our conversation topics have switched to more SFW ones unlike the ones we had when we were all minors so how could I be a pedo? and I freaked out about it, I couldn't concentrate in classes at all, it was a genuine nightmare. Eventually I did get better and realized that my behaviors were under duress and how I'm not actually a bad person and how I've changed as an adult and do not wish to harm anyone however I'm back on my cycle of worrying again and I've communicated to the people who I thought I affected and they all express no ill will or any anger and were never uncomfortable, do not think about it or just don't care/simply forgot. But Guilt eats me up like a stray dog. I also sometimes see people on twitter calling 17 year olds dating 15 or 16 year olds pedophiles or calling them "P diddy"
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