I wanna treat myself better, but when these thoughts happen I can’t help but to call myself a disgusting monster and keep reacting to it all. And if I were to be nicer to myself, at what point would it become me making up excuses thinking it’s ok to be that person? There’s no winning, even when trying to do better. How can I tell myself it’s not these things aren’t my fault when it likely just is?
I think the key is to remember that thoughts are just thoughts. We can't really control whether or not a thought comes to mind or not. Therefore it would be wrong to "police" thoughts or inferering that simply thinking a "bad" thought makes you a bad person. There is no such thing as "thought crime". What matter is our actions. So you absolutely can practice self-compassion by reminding yourself that your thoughts do not define you or your morality.
@Anonymous What about non offenders that don’t act on it, wouldn’t that mean it’s a possibility that I’m one too, cause I’m just not acting on it?
@Anonymous Not trying to imply I LIKE these things, even though I have no idea if I do or don’t at this point, but what differentiates me and non offenders? How do I know if I am one or not?
@Jay222 The difference is that for you the fact that you have these thoughts are ego dystonic and and the mere fact that you have them is distressing to you. Besides, non-offenders are not bad people either if they don't offend. Would the difference really matter that much? I know it might sound awful, but we just need to accept that we never have 100% certainty for these things.
@Anonymous Idk how else to say this but I don’t wanna deal with having to be a “non offender”. I don’t wanna live my life as that person. I wanna go back to who I was, not become what those people are like, even if they don’t cause any harm. It’s miserable and I’m tired of dealing with it, real or not real.
@Jay222 Are you in therapy? If you aren't I would suggest you to start. I think all of us want to go back to the time before our OCD started to kick in. But unfortunatly that condition is chronic. However, there is effective therapy which can reduce symptoms to a level where it rarely bother us. Part of that therapy will always be to accept the uncertainty that there are slim chances that what the OCD is telling us might be true instead of seeking reassurance.
I know how you and i wish i had an answer because I literally think the same thing. But most likely your probably not a monster :(
I found love and kindness meditations to be helpful. Really struggling myself with self compassion. Things like walking without phone to recognize birds etc and working on gratitude. There is a self compassion workbook for ocd that I’ve found helpful. Writing a letter to your self from compassionate voice is also something to do as exposure. Also ocd stories podcast episode - positive emotions and experiences as triggers for ocd. No matter who or what you’ve done - humans can be more compassionate to their selves. Way harder to do than said but you’re not alone.
does anyone else struggle not only being hard on themselves when they mess up or have bad thoughts but also being extremely critical and unforgiving of those closest to them? Sometimes I truly feel so disappointed at the people closest to me, and it feels justifiable but also exhausting and I can’t tell if my ocd is amplifying it/if it’s forgivable, or how angry/disappointed/for how long I’m supposed to feel. I struggle being mad at myself for not being a good enough person, but I think I struggle even more at the people around me not caring more about others, etc.
How can I feel beautiful in myself or accept compliments from people when they don’t know the morbid sexual thoughts I have? I love socializing and I don’t feel like myself anymore. I obviously can’t confess to every person I come across but idk how I can do self compassion with my type of thoughts
Feeling like a bad person has always been one of my reoccurring struggles with OCD. I’m working through trauma therapy at the moment and recognizing a lot of stuck points, and connecting a lot dots in relation to my OCD. But I feel like even if I make a small mistake or mess up, I can’t give myself grace - and I assume I’m an awful person. Obviously, my realistic self reassures me I would never intentionally hurt someone or have malicious intentions in situations. But sometimes I go round and round, and even think the only reason I think or want to be a good person is because I’m scared of being a bad person? I know that doesn’t make sense but it fucks with me and I’m sure only this group would understand. Anyway, today for example: I got sorta mad at my bf because he was trying to smack my butt and accidentally hit my back. And I said “ouch, stop - you got my back.” - in literally the least menacing way. And we laughed it off and he felt bad. And then I just couldn’t help myself from apologizing to him because I felt like I overreacted somehow. He seemed very confused and was so sweet about it. But I just felt like I overreacted, and I told him that I felt gross - I was trying to prepare food and it caught me off guard. And he was like “no yeah, that makes total sense - you literally don’t have to explain yourself or apologize at all!”. But I just got into this weird mood now, where I’m convincing myself I’m a bad person and a bad partner. And he should be with someone who is truly the sweetest person ever and beautiful to add on to the obsession. Sometimes I just don’t know what’s wrong with me. I know I’m not a bad person but sometimes the OCD itself is very annoying. I feel like this wave has passed, and I’ve worked a lot on grounding myself and bringing myself to reality. Which is great! But I would really love to know if anyone else struggles with this kind of thing and what helps them in these times?
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