Obsessive thoughts about people hating you.

Does anyone deal with OCD in relationships where you’re constantly ritualizing making sure people aren’t mad at you? I constantly ask “are you mad at me?” or I’ll go back and over-clarify things I said and people are always like “dude I didn’t even notice you said something wrong” or “i didn’t even think about it that way”. It’s relieving but I feel like it’s just the OCD getting what it wants out of the ritual. I will say that recently, I’ve been able to let the obsession go in one ear and out the other more than ever before, but I still obsess over what people think of me. Would love to hear some shared experiences or advice.

I have really terrible ocd over whether everyone hates me. I had a convo with one of my friends (he was initially interested but we just kind of became friends.) He said guys tend to like girls pics when the girl is pretty. He was initially interested in me. I know i sound really bitchy and superficial but I have really low self worth and the ocd isn't helping and I'm kind of hyperfixatijg on my face. I have this insecurity about being south asian. I've been told fairly often that I'm conventionally attractive and can certainly attract people. I'm also like super introverted and have a pretty odd personality for context like in high school people didn't like me because I wasn't like extremely liberal and people were politically correct I just tend to be odd and I feel like that's not acceptable if you're a girl. So I feel everyone just secretly hates me or I'm ugly and these are the two options.

Truthfully i am just so exhausted from being obsessed with how I affect others in my life. I am constantly questioning if I make their lives better or worse and why. I'm an extrovert and if it seems like I'm positively affecting people when I socialize, I feel on top of the world. But when I can't improve someone's mood when I talk to them I feel depressed and drained. I have this belief that I am intrinsically awful and harmful to be around and I have to be extra helpful and cheerful to make up for it. I think about the problems that everyone in my life struggles with and convince myself that I am the cause of it or making them worse. I isolate, believing I am harmful to others and I am sparing them. When they feel neglected, I panic because I caused them harm when I was trying to save them. I don't want to live like this anymore. In some ways it was easier when I was alone. I just can't stop obsessing about my loved ones in this way. I almost begin to crave abandonment because at least the thoughts would stop coming. Does that make me a bad person? I don't really actually want to be abandoned by my loved ones, but at least I know how to handle abandonment. I don't know how to handle normal loving relationships.